Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Top Ten Worst Responses When the Professor Calls On You In Class

16. "We had a reading assignment for today?"

15. "You're kidding, right? ...Right?"

14. "Why me? Oh Lord, WHY ME????"

13. "My lawyer forbids me from commenting until after the trial." [Maintain this stance no matter what the prof. says or asks.]

12. "Can't you call on someone else? I'm kind of tired today..."


10. "Just who do you think you are?"

9. "Look, I didn't read today. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. So call on someone else and leave me to my game of solitaire."

8. [Start talking about a different case. i.e. One from another, unrelated class. When the prof. tries to correct you, maintain that you are talking about the correct case and that he/she must be the one in error. Absolutely refuse to acknowledge any mistake on your part.]

7. "What?"

6. [Stand up, pack up your books/computer and walk out of the classroom.]

5. [Do the same as no. 6 only before turning and walking out, call the professor a name or insult him/her. E.g. "You bitch!"]

4. "I'm sorry, who are you? Where's the regular teacher?"

3. "I plead the fifth."

2. [Pretend to be sleeping. Start snoring very loudly. Refuse to wake up under any circumstances.]

1. "Let us pray." Begin reciting a real prayer or make up a prayer of your own. If you make one up, try to incorporate aspects of the case into the prayer. E.g. "Lord, please forgive Mr. Harrison for his illegal trespass and murder. He knew not that which he was doing and meant no harm to Mrs. Klein, notwithstanding his shooting her, albeit accidentally. Please watch over him and guide his efforts in redeeming his soul." Or, instead, make the prayer about the prof. or fellow students, identifying them by name and incorporating some salacious, possibly fabricated, immaterial fact(s). E.g. "Lord, please watch over Sally Sullivan as she goes for her abortion tomorrow. Be not angered by her choice to murder another human being but understand her pain and guide her in her quest for redemption and meaning. Let not her heretic ways, loose manner, evil disposition and dandruff keep her from the gates of Paradise. Dear Lord, please also guide her to a hair salon."