Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Good Listening
While working on an application today, I was listening to portions of the BBC radio broadcast of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a broad grin occasionally plastered across my face. I'm positive someone else in the office must have seen this and been momentarily puzzled.
Which makes me smile again.
Which makes me smile again.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Mistaken Terror
This morning I had a moment of pure, unadulterated terror.
I have a conversion due August 1, 2008. For some reason, I thought today was August 13. My face blanched and my head spun as I instantly pondered all the consequences. My thoughts ran something like this:
Soon thereafter, though not soon enough, I looked at the wooden calendar marker on my desk and realized that today is June 13. But it was too late. My nerves are frayed. My muscles are tight from tension. My head is still spinning. I'm barely breathing. My whole body is wracked.
This reminded me of the time my publicity professor outed my blog on the last day of class. Pure instantaneous terror. Same thing here though with a slightly different flavor.
I think my head is broken.
I have a conversion due August 1, 2008. For some reason, I thought today was August 13. My face blanched and my head spun as I instantly pondered all the consequences. My thoughts ran something like this:
Oh my G-d, this is it. I finally screwed up. I knew this was coming. They're going to have to fire me. Do I go tell them now or wait until the afternoon? No, I tell them now. My G-d, my mom is going to kill me. I'll spend my days at home, watching TV and eating. I'll have to find a new job. Do I go to the board games tonight? Could I act happy even though I lost my job?Literally, it took less than a minute for all of these thoughts, and more, to pass through my mind – probably more like 5-15 seconds.
Soon thereafter, though not soon enough, I looked at the wooden calendar marker on my desk and realized that today is June 13. But it was too late. My nerves are frayed. My muscles are tight from tension. My head is still spinning. I'm barely breathing. My whole body is wracked.
This reminded me of the time my publicity professor outed my blog on the last day of class. Pure instantaneous terror. Same thing here though with a slightly different flavor.
I think my head is broken.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Board Games vs. Computer Versions of Board Games
The question posed is thus: Do Computer Versions Of Boardgames Ruin The Real Thing?
It's not like I'm computer-illiterate or haven't played computer games. I built my current desktop and I've been playing computer games since the days of 16-color VGA. If I know computers and regularly play computer games, wouldn't it make sense to merge two of my interests in a single medium, computer versions of board games?
Well, you can find the response I posted below:
Two games in particular that I enjoy are Carcasonne and Settlers of Catan. Since I don't have many people to play with, I naturally try to find an on-line version of the games I like to play. However, now I'm wondering if this is a good idea. With Carcasonne, for example, I have played hundreds of games on ASO Brain recently, and I think my desire to play the game is a little bit less now. It would probably take me years of play on a physical board to get to this point. Does the quick-fix, play 8 games in two hours approach to gaming diminish our enthusiasm for the real game? Often times, when playing against an ultra-fast PC or computer player, you can play enough games to start to see patterns that you may not have seen in the real thing for years (50 plays, for example), or because the people are less predictable. Plus, IMO, most games are more interesting with live people, and therefore you might get sick of a game after playing it online, but really, you are not playing with interesting opponents. I think I might avoid games against the CPU for now on to prevent this from happening. And believe me, this will be nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to do, but it might be necessary...It's a renewed, older thread from January of this year (2008), but the topic piqued my interest. To date, I have avoided playing computer versions of board games and I mean avoided as in not having downloaded or looked into computer versions of board games despite learning of them. The question, as posed above, is why?
Anyone else share my feelings on this?
It's not like I'm computer-illiterate or haven't played computer games. I built my current desktop and I've been playing computer games since the days of 16-color VGA. If I know computers and regularly play computer games, wouldn't it make sense to merge two of my interests in a single medium, computer versions of board games?
Well, you can find the response I posted below:
Seeing as this popped up (again, so to speak), I'll chime in.Please feel free to share your thoughts on this.
I don't play computer versions of board games because I want to separate board games from my computer gaming. I want board games to remain a social experience with physical pieces. I want them to be paced, with real-world timing and resolution. I am purposefully maintaining board games as an insulated entertainment entity, retaining a particular specialty as social experiences (even if it's only a 2-player game).
I've played a lot of computer games. I know how they have the tendency to increase personal isolation and decrease social activities or become faux social activities. Even playing with other people via the computer is isolating as it inherently detracts from necessary real world interactions. I'm an ex-WoW raiding junky. I know that road and I try very hard to avoid falling under its siren lure once again.
So for me, it's not about spoiling the game itself or surpassing other gamers in skill. It's about maintaining board games as a special, real world social activity.
I will note one game that I purposefully switched from real life to online: Magic the Gathering. Up until I discovered the online version (MtGO), I forsook the real-world game since I wouldn't get to play it often (no friends playing it), meaning card purchases would largely go unused and be wasted. In contrast, MtGO enabled me to find a game at any time of day or night. It made purchasing packs easier. Card management is easier (e.g., sorting cards, making decks, testing decks). MtGO makes the game accessible for me.
But I never viewed MtG as a social activity and MtG players were not a lot with whom I wished to socialize. On the other hand, the board gamers I've had the pleasure of getting to know are generally friendly, intelligent, well-spoken people who share a common interest and are not overly competitive. In other words, they're people I enjoy being friends with and board games are a unique avenue for me to make such friends and hang out with them.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Not Good
Not feeling well today.
Super tired. Sleep last night was intermittent. Would have been little/short regardless, but waking up at 4:10am after going to sleep at 2am = problem. And I couldn't get back to sleep. Lay in my bed, perhaps dozing for brief periods but no longer streaks.
Also feeling a wee bit nauseous. Just in the back of my throat – I don't think I'm actually going to expel anything.
Head is spinning too. Hard to concentrate or focus on anything.
Occasionally break out in a light sweat, feeling warm at those times.
Initially was going to try & wait 'til mid-to-late afternoon before I leave. Then I was thinking early afternoon, like shortly after lunch. Now I'm thinking sooner. Much sooner.
Nausea not good.
Coffee tasted like crap this morning.
Head hurt.
Popping two Tylenol.
Can't tell if this is the sleep deprivation or a new med or a combo of both. Could also be the weather, it's drizzling today.
All I want to do is go home and be unconscious.
Think I'm going to leave soon. I am absolutely miserable right now.
Super tired. Sleep last night was intermittent. Would have been little/short regardless, but waking up at 4:10am after going to sleep at 2am = problem. And I couldn't get back to sleep. Lay in my bed, perhaps dozing for brief periods but no longer streaks.
Also feeling a wee bit nauseous. Just in the back of my throat – I don't think I'm actually going to expel anything.
Head is spinning too. Hard to concentrate or focus on anything.
Occasionally break out in a light sweat, feeling warm at those times.
Initially was going to try & wait 'til mid-to-late afternoon before I leave. Then I was thinking early afternoon, like shortly after lunch. Now I'm thinking sooner. Much sooner.
Nausea not good.
Coffee tasted like crap this morning.
Head hurt.
Popping two Tylenol.
Can't tell if this is the sleep deprivation or a new med or a combo of both. Could also be the weather, it's drizzling today.
All I want to do is go home and be unconscious.
Think I'm going to leave soon. I am absolutely miserable right now.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
An Interesting Topic
What is "interesting?"
Every now and again, I struggle with the notion of what makes something "interesting," primarily in relation to discussion topics.
I'm fairly certain that my day-to-day "this is what happened on Friday, and on Saturday I did this" posts are not interesting. Excepting when they catch on some deeper topic (e.g., posts earlier this year about boardgame.girl), the posts are largely devoid of interesting or poignant tales and generally serve merely as reminders, for me, of things I've done.
My ordinary day-to-day itself isn't very interesting to me. Maybe today I read my graphic novel or I read my current novel or I played my current computer or video game or I watched a current TV show. Little of it is out of the ordinary or extraordinary so as to be worthy of much notice.
I often find discussions on meta-topics to be interesting. For example, discussing the notion of interesting topics makes for an interesting topic in and of itself, at least in my opinion. I've always been a fan of metaphysics. Occasionally at the boardgame groups, we refer to the selection of a game as a or the metagame. For me, examination of these broader topics can offer further insight into other fields and have the potential for affecting how people think. I'm not interested in changing what people think. I am interested in how people think and that they think.
When at parties or gatherings with unknown persons, a common topic is the droll "What do you do?" or "What is your profession?" Invariably, my answer is: "I am a patent agent. I write patents and work on getting them issued. Our big clients are X and Y so most of the patents I work with concern A, B and C." Invariably, the response is: "Oh, how interesting!"
I suppose they need to say something, but calling it "interesting?" I usually don't find my work to be "interesting." I suppose a layperson might be enamored of the field and, possibly, even curious concerning aspects thereof, but I really don't have an answer for "Oh, how interesting!" Sometimes I'll choose to relate an "interesting" invention or such, but often I am at a loss for words. "Interesting?" What's interesting about an invention for a communication protocol? Or a user interface? Or a semiconductor? "Interesting" indeed!
I hope this post is "interesting." In my mind, it has the potential to spark the mind of you, my intrepid reader. Did you find it "interesting?" What is "interesting" to you?
Every now and again, I struggle with the notion of what makes something "interesting," primarily in relation to discussion topics.
I'm fairly certain that my day-to-day "this is what happened on Friday, and on Saturday I did this" posts are not interesting. Excepting when they catch on some deeper topic (e.g., posts earlier this year about boardgame.girl), the posts are largely devoid of interesting or poignant tales and generally serve merely as reminders, for me, of things I've done.
My ordinary day-to-day itself isn't very interesting to me. Maybe today I read my graphic novel or I read my current novel or I played my current computer or video game or I watched a current TV show. Little of it is out of the ordinary or extraordinary so as to be worthy of much notice.
I often find discussions on meta-topics to be interesting. For example, discussing the notion of interesting topics makes for an interesting topic in and of itself, at least in my opinion. I've always been a fan of metaphysics. Occasionally at the boardgame groups, we refer to the selection of a game as a or the metagame. For me, examination of these broader topics can offer further insight into other fields and have the potential for affecting how people think. I'm not interested in changing what people think. I am interested in how people think and that they think.
When at parties or gatherings with unknown persons, a common topic is the droll "What do you do?" or "What is your profession?" Invariably, my answer is: "I am a patent agent. I write patents and work on getting them issued. Our big clients are X and Y so most of the patents I work with concern A, B and C." Invariably, the response is: "Oh, how interesting!"
I suppose they need to say something, but calling it "interesting?" I usually don't find my work to be "interesting." I suppose a layperson might be enamored of the field and, possibly, even curious concerning aspects thereof, but I really don't have an answer for "Oh, how interesting!" Sometimes I'll choose to relate an "interesting" invention or such, but often I am at a loss for words. "Interesting?" What's interesting about an invention for a communication protocol? Or a user interface? Or a semiconductor? "Interesting" indeed!
I hope this post is "interesting." In my mind, it has the potential to spark the mind of you, my intrepid reader. Did you find it "interesting?" What is "interesting" to you?
Monday, May 26, 2008
Watch, Read, Play
I spent today being nonproductive. In my search for nonproductivity, I sought to do nonproductive things. Unfortunately, as is customary with Sundays, I get frustrated and wander aimlessly because I don't want to do the nonproductive things that are available to me.
Watch, Read, Play.
I can watch TV or a DVD. I can read a graphic novel. I can play a game, computer or video.
That's all I've got. No need to go shopping and spend money - did that yesterday. No one to call to meet up. Nowhere to go. Watch, Read, Play.
So I spent the majority of today watching an NCIS marathon on USA and/or reading a graphic novel while NCIS played in the background.
Very nonproductive but also fairly non-fulfilling. It wasn't all that much fun, though I did get through 1.5 graphic novels. But the day is nearly done and time for sleep is approaching. Soon I won't worry about finding things to do, I'll be unconscious.
Sadly, that's the terminus and it is not a stretch to say it equals the rest of the day.
Watch, Read, Play.
I can watch TV or a DVD. I can read a graphic novel. I can play a game, computer or video.
That's all I've got. No need to go shopping and spend money - did that yesterday. No one to call to meet up. Nowhere to go. Watch, Read, Play.
So I spent the majority of today watching an NCIS marathon on USA and/or reading a graphic novel while NCIS played in the background.
Very nonproductive but also fairly non-fulfilling. It wasn't all that much fun, though I did get through 1.5 graphic novels. But the day is nearly done and time for sleep is approaching. Soon I won't worry about finding things to do, I'll be unconscious.
Sadly, that's the terminus and it is not a stretch to say it equals the rest of the day.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Art
I see things other people create and I want to create something. I recognize and appreciate art on some primal level. I revel in it, even. But for some reason I am pegged as a consumer, a voyeur, and not as an artist. Music, movies, television, comic books, novels. I consume but I do not produce.
It’s not that I haven’t tried. There are a few feeble attempts at artistry. Misbegotten sketched scenes for layouts that will never bear fruit. Brief beginnings for stories without plot. Half-formed ideas of grand design that will never be wrought. Every now and then the bug bites me and I am consumed by a need to do something artistic. This bears no fruit, merely the remains of unskilled, half-formed efforts that are not worth the materials expended.
I am no graphic artist for my sketches are misshapen objects of pity. My eyes see many things, both there and imagined, but I am ill-equipped to translate them. I fear I am no writer. With practice, perhaps I could aspire to a mediocre tale of places and beings, perhaps more. But I fear my efforts would be for naught and I suspect this restrains me. I know how to frame a shot, what makes for a good photograph, though I have no desire to pursue photography beyond mere point-and-click. Music is a friend, a lover, a passion. Though I lack the background, and the inclination, to compose, music I enjoy is a true delight.
I am an artist without a medium. There is something I could create, of that I am positive. It is simply that I have yet to find my method of translation. My mind can conjure up a thousand and one images in a second. If only I knew what to do with them, how to share them.
Until I decipher my riddle, I continue consuming. Every vision absorbed, every story unfolded, every image considered fuels my imagination. Music, movies, television, comic books, novels. I consume and enjoy (but I do not produce).
It’s not that I haven’t tried. There are a few feeble attempts at artistry. Misbegotten sketched scenes for layouts that will never bear fruit. Brief beginnings for stories without plot. Half-formed ideas of grand design that will never be wrought. Every now and then the bug bites me and I am consumed by a need to do something artistic. This bears no fruit, merely the remains of unskilled, half-formed efforts that are not worth the materials expended.
I am no graphic artist for my sketches are misshapen objects of pity. My eyes see many things, both there and imagined, but I am ill-equipped to translate them. I fear I am no writer. With practice, perhaps I could aspire to a mediocre tale of places and beings, perhaps more. But I fear my efforts would be for naught and I suspect this restrains me. I know how to frame a shot, what makes for a good photograph, though I have no desire to pursue photography beyond mere point-and-click. Music is a friend, a lover, a passion. Though I lack the background, and the inclination, to compose, music I enjoy is a true delight.
I am an artist without a medium. There is something I could create, of that I am positive. It is simply that I have yet to find my method of translation. My mind can conjure up a thousand and one images in a second. If only I knew what to do with them, how to share them.
Until I decipher my riddle, I continue consuming. Every vision absorbed, every story unfolded, every image considered fuels my imagination. Music, movies, television, comic books, novels. I consume and enjoy (but I do not produce).
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
A Difficult Conversation
Courage. Anonymity. Escapism. Conversation. Summary.
Courage. I wish this post was about courage. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm not more courageous than the average person based on my willingness to try new things or broach topics or address things head on. But I'm also woefully deficient in other realms, such as dating and moving out of my mom's house and my career. On the whole, I figure there's some balance between the two that evens out over time.
Anonymity. Sometimes I wish this blog was anonymous. There is much more I could or would say if I knew it wouldn't come back to me. There would be posts about recent doctor's visits and such. There would be more posts about my goals or lack thereof. There would be posts about desires and fantasies and dreams. Instead, posts are plainer with more superficial topics and less commentary. At times more like a public diary than a conversation or conversation starter.
Escapism. I probably am mired in escapism. Between the games (board and video), the books (graphic novels and novels), and the viewing (movies and television), a significant portion of my time and attention is spent in other realms. But is that a bad thing? I would argue it is not, that it is another outlet for imagination and creativity, not to mention education. Losing your sense of wonder and not being inquisitive would be far greater crimes.
Conversation. And all of the above has very little to do with the main subject of this post, though they are probably more interesting. Since this blog is not anonymous, I will only provide the merest of description. Today, I had a difficult conversation with my bosses, one in which I related my recent doctor visits. They appear to be very supportive, as I thought/hoped they would be given the fact that I am still employed by them (a marvel in and of itself). I just wonder where things go from here, other than the inevitable "onwards."
Summary. A few random observances that are not so random to me. A passing note to mark a not-so-minor, but brief, discussion. A wandering post from a wandering mind. I assure you, it makes sense to me.
Courage. I wish this post was about courage. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm not more courageous than the average person based on my willingness to try new things or broach topics or address things head on. But I'm also woefully deficient in other realms, such as dating and moving out of my mom's house and my career. On the whole, I figure there's some balance between the two that evens out over time.
Anonymity. Sometimes I wish this blog was anonymous. There is much more I could or would say if I knew it wouldn't come back to me. There would be posts about recent doctor's visits and such. There would be more posts about my goals or lack thereof. There would be posts about desires and fantasies and dreams. Instead, posts are plainer with more superficial topics and less commentary. At times more like a public diary than a conversation or conversation starter.
Escapism. I probably am mired in escapism. Between the games (board and video), the books (graphic novels and novels), and the viewing (movies and television), a significant portion of my time and attention is spent in other realms. But is that a bad thing? I would argue it is not, that it is another outlet for imagination and creativity, not to mention education. Losing your sense of wonder and not being inquisitive would be far greater crimes.
Conversation. And all of the above has very little to do with the main subject of this post, though they are probably more interesting. Since this blog is not anonymous, I will only provide the merest of description. Today, I had a difficult conversation with my bosses, one in which I related my recent doctor visits. They appear to be very supportive, as I thought/hoped they would be given the fact that I am still employed by them (a marvel in and of itself). I just wonder where things go from here, other than the inevitable "onwards."
Summary. A few random observances that are not so random to me. A passing note to mark a not-so-minor, but brief, discussion. A wandering post from a wandering mind. I assure you, it makes sense to me.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
"Time Is [Not] On My Side"
Yes it is! (link)
Not much exciting in the weeks since my previous post.
The new car is running well. Love her to death. Even cleared out a space in the garage for her. I think it's the first time we've parked two cars in the garage. Gave movie.girl a short ride in her last weekend. She said that as a passenger she liked it better than the Buick. I pressed her for a reason why, and she answered that the "coolness factor" was probably it. For example, no plastic fake-wood grain. My only complaint, and it's a minor one, is that the gas tank is small – only 14 gallons. I have to refuel more often than before.
Met up with movie.girl last weekend for the first time in 2 months. Hung out a bit, played some Guitar Hero and Rock Band, both first plays for me. Then met up with a new friend of her's (some guy she met somehow?) and the three of us watched Speed Racer (don't go see it) in Imax. Afterwards we got a burger at Wooden Tap and later on movie.girl and I picked up some cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. I think we're supposed to meet up this weekend. I know I'm down to watch Indy on the Thursday night it comes out.
Hung out with boardgame.girl the first Monday this month. Didn't stay late, she was tired. More and more, I think my choice was a good one. I don't feel like going into that in any detail right now. Maybe another time (though I've said that before about this).
I've been going at the boardgames and almost-weekly Vampire (VtR) RPG. Bought some new (board)games in the past month. Tons more I'd like to buy. Hopefully I'll hold off until June before I place another big order. More boardgames tonight and tomorrow.
Okay, work. Work has not been going well this week. My focus and concentration have been shot. Not billing enough hours. Definitely not looking good. Last month wasn't so hot. This month doesn't look much better.
I've seen a doc or two for things. Not sure yet how much I want to go into that here. Also not sure yet if I'm going to tell my bosses. Plus side, could save me from being fired. Minus side, not sure I want to avoid being fired nor that I shouldn't be fired. Part of me is of the mind that I don't want to use anything as an excuse in order to prevent my being canned. I either do the work and belong here, or I don't and I'm dead weight – there's no place for excuses. Kinda weird. Also, I'm pretty sure that if I were to tell them, then they wouldn't or couldn't fire me and I don't want to impose that extra burden on them either – make them feel that they must keep me.
I'm in a sort of stasis period at the moment. I've been in one for a long time. At some point the bubble will break, whether it's by my employers firing me or by me leaving. I have this impression that it would be a good thing for me to go. I'm also positive that my future salary will be less than I'm making now and that's a little disheartening. I can afford the boardgames and car and expenses because I'm paid well. When that stops, I'll have to revise my spending attitude. It's nice to be able to afford things. Also, not sure I can go without health insurance. Also not sure what my next employment prospect would be.
So maybe it's not that life hasn't been interesting, but that not much has changed or improved, at least not yet. I'm hopeful for change/improvement. Furthermore, I'm hopeful that I can instigate some change/improvement. It just hasn't happened yet.
Not much exciting in the weeks since my previous post.
The new car is running well. Love her to death. Even cleared out a space in the garage for her. I think it's the first time we've parked two cars in the garage. Gave movie.girl a short ride in her last weekend. She said that as a passenger she liked it better than the Buick. I pressed her for a reason why, and she answered that the "coolness factor" was probably it. For example, no plastic fake-wood grain. My only complaint, and it's a minor one, is that the gas tank is small – only 14 gallons. I have to refuel more often than before.
Met up with movie.girl last weekend for the first time in 2 months. Hung out a bit, played some Guitar Hero and Rock Band, both first plays for me. Then met up with a new friend of her's (some guy she met somehow?) and the three of us watched Speed Racer (don't go see it) in Imax. Afterwards we got a burger at Wooden Tap and later on movie.girl and I picked up some cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. I think we're supposed to meet up this weekend. I know I'm down to watch Indy on the Thursday night it comes out.
Hung out with boardgame.girl the first Monday this month. Didn't stay late, she was tired. More and more, I think my choice was a good one. I don't feel like going into that in any detail right now. Maybe another time (though I've said that before about this).
I've been going at the boardgames and almost-weekly Vampire (VtR) RPG. Bought some new (board)games in the past month. Tons more I'd like to buy. Hopefully I'll hold off until June before I place another big order. More boardgames tonight and tomorrow.
Okay, work. Work has not been going well this week. My focus and concentration have been shot. Not billing enough hours. Definitely not looking good. Last month wasn't so hot. This month doesn't look much better.
I've seen a doc or two for things. Not sure yet how much I want to go into that here. Also not sure yet if I'm going to tell my bosses. Plus side, could save me from being fired. Minus side, not sure I want to avoid being fired nor that I shouldn't be fired. Part of me is of the mind that I don't want to use anything as an excuse in order to prevent my being canned. I either do the work and belong here, or I don't and I'm dead weight – there's no place for excuses. Kinda weird. Also, I'm pretty sure that if I were to tell them, then they wouldn't or couldn't fire me and I don't want to impose that extra burden on them either – make them feel that they must keep me.
I'm in a sort of stasis period at the moment. I've been in one for a long time. At some point the bubble will break, whether it's by my employers firing me or by me leaving. I have this impression that it would be a good thing for me to go. I'm also positive that my future salary will be less than I'm making now and that's a little disheartening. I can afford the boardgames and car and expenses because I'm paid well. When that stops, I'll have to revise my spending attitude. It's nice to be able to afford things. Also, not sure I can go without health insurance. Also not sure what my next employment prospect would be.
So maybe it's not that life hasn't been interesting, but that not much has changed or improved, at least not yet. I'm hopeful for change/improvement. Furthermore, I'm hopeful that I can instigate some change/improvement. It just hasn't happened yet.
Monday, April 28, 2008
A NEW CAR!
Very busy last week working on getting a new (or new used) car. (There are a few stories in there - maybe they'll be posted another time, maybe not.) Ultimately got a great deal on a new '08 so I bought it.
WOOT! A NEW CAR! It's a Pontiac G6 GT coupe. Midnight blue, ebony cloth interior. Sunroof, Monsoon sound system, 6-disc in-dash CD changer, aux jack for my iPod, XM Radio. Almost fully loaded.
I'm happy. I love the car. The ride isn't quite as smooth as my Park Ave. but the acceleration and feel is fantastic. She likes to go fast. She also purrs. I think I've settled on Dani for her name (short for Danica, named after Danica Patrick for no great reason). Was originally thinking "Ford" as a tongue-in-cheek reference to Ford Prefect (Hitchhiker's) and a small bit of satirical nudge-nudge-wink-wink to Ford, but decided that cars, like boats, should have female names. *shrug*
Yay! New car! WOOHOO! Incidentally, this is my first new car. Will try to hunt down, or take, some photos to post. YAY!!!!
WOOT! A NEW CAR! It's a Pontiac G6 GT coupe. Midnight blue, ebony cloth interior. Sunroof, Monsoon sound system, 6-disc in-dash CD changer, aux jack for my iPod, XM Radio. Almost fully loaded.
I'm happy. I love the car. The ride isn't quite as smooth as my Park Ave. but the acceleration and feel is fantastic. She likes to go fast. She also purrs. I think I've settled on Dani for her name (short for Danica, named after Danica Patrick for no great reason). Was originally thinking "Ford" as a tongue-in-cheek reference to Ford Prefect (Hitchhiker's) and a small bit of satirical nudge-nudge-wink-wink to Ford, but decided that cars, like boats, should have female names. *shrug*
Yay! New car! WOOHOO! Incidentally, this is my first new car. Will try to hunt down, or take, some photos to post. YAY!!!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
April 23
A day of days.
Happy birthday to William Shakespeare!
Not-so-happy death day to William Shakespeare!
Happy birthday to Roy Orbison!
Not-so-happy death day to Miguel de Cervantes!
Happy birthday to Max Planck!
Not-so-happy death day to Saint George!
Happy birthday to James Buchanan!
Not-so-happy death day to William Hartnell!
Happy birthday to William Shakespeare!
Not-so-happy death day to William Shakespeare!
Happy birthday to Roy Orbison!
Not-so-happy death day to Miguel de Cervantes!
Happy birthday to Max Planck!
Not-so-happy death day to Saint George!
Happy birthday to James Buchanan!
Not-so-happy death day to William Hartnell!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Week In Brief
This was a rather odd week for me. Very busy. Missed almost 2 days of work due to doctor appointments. Boardgame.girl on Monday. Birthday on Tuesday, complete with a flat tire, a new tire and a small spending spree at the mall. Stayed late on Wednesday (no RPG) before an impromptu gaming session in West Haven. Left early Thursday for doctor then gamed more that night. Full day Friday, gamed that night but longer.
A pretty good week for work - the first good week in a long time. Ever since that Choices post on Monday, I've been doing much better at work. Got a bunch of things out, got some filed, been doing my work. I also feel better about myself. Part of the reason the boardgame.girl non-happening doesn't bother me as much is because I feel better about myself from work. I'm not caught up, not even close, but it's looking much better and I feel incredibly better about it. We'll see what next week brings, but I'm hopeful.
Definitely enjoyed the 4 nights of gaming this week. Had a blast and played a number of new games. Fun, fun, fun!
Saw boardgame.girl tonight at the gaming. I was a little frosty towards her, but that was mostly internally. I usually find it much easier to just have a clean break when things go pear-shaped. Here, I know that's not worth it. Besides, she's into work-induced isolation starting Sunday, so I won't see her for a while. And even then, when I do it will be for boardgames. Time will help.
Next week should be more normal. No birthday, hopefully no flat tires (knock on wood). No gaming Monday, maybe on Tuesday, RPG on Wednesday, hopefully on Thursday, not on Friday, all-day on Saturday, maybe movie.girl on Sunday?
So life goes on and I'm feeling better these days. For some reason, that concept of choices rings true with me and bolsters me. I often feel like I'm buffeted about by things beyond my control when, in fact, it's always been about the choices I make and those I do not. I feel empowered. We'll see how long this lasts, but it's doing me a lot of good right now.
Passover starts Saturday night. Going up to my grandparents, aunt, uncle for the first night's seder. Eh. I'm long overdue for a visit. It'll be nice to see them, I suppose.
I actually enjoy Passover. Maybe it's my masochistic side poking through, but I enjoy it. More on that later, perhaps.
Now, time for a few (3?) hours sleep before an early morning wake up for a 3-4 hour drive/nap. Slumber well!
A pretty good week for work - the first good week in a long time. Ever since that Choices post on Monday, I've been doing much better at work. Got a bunch of things out, got some filed, been doing my work. I also feel better about myself. Part of the reason the boardgame.girl non-happening doesn't bother me as much is because I feel better about myself from work. I'm not caught up, not even close, but it's looking much better and I feel incredibly better about it. We'll see what next week brings, but I'm hopeful.
Definitely enjoyed the 4 nights of gaming this week. Had a blast and played a number of new games. Fun, fun, fun!
Saw boardgame.girl tonight at the gaming. I was a little frosty towards her, but that was mostly internally. I usually find it much easier to just have a clean break when things go pear-shaped. Here, I know that's not worth it. Besides, she's into work-induced isolation starting Sunday, so I won't see her for a while. And even then, when I do it will be for boardgames. Time will help.
Next week should be more normal. No birthday, hopefully no flat tires (knock on wood). No gaming Monday, maybe on Tuesday, RPG on Wednesday, hopefully on Thursday, not on Friday, all-day on Saturday, maybe movie.girl on Sunday?
So life goes on and I'm feeling better these days. For some reason, that concept of choices rings true with me and bolsters me. I often feel like I'm buffeted about by things beyond my control when, in fact, it's always been about the choices I make and those I do not. I feel empowered. We'll see how long this lasts, but it's doing me a lot of good right now.
Passover starts Saturday night. Going up to my grandparents, aunt, uncle for the first night's seder. Eh. I'm long overdue for a visit. It'll be nice to see them, I suppose.
I actually enjoy Passover. Maybe it's my masochistic side poking through, but I enjoy it. More on that later, perhaps.
Now, time for a few (3?) hours sleep before an early morning wake up for a 3-4 hour drive/nap. Slumber well!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Hello, Goodbye
Stayed late at work then went to West Haven for boardgames. I wasn't planning on it, but then I called boardgame.girl (to talk re my decision) and she was there and... So, I went there and played 2 games. Afterwards, chatted with her and two others. Walked her to her car. Told her I wanted to be friends. (Ugh, the dreaded "f" word!) And that was that.
We probably won't meet up for a while. Oh, I'll see her on Friday at a game night, but starting Sunday she's in her show schedule. That is, work from 6pm to 11pm, except for all day Saturday & Sunday and not on Mondays. Maybe we'll hang out again a week from Monday. Who knows.
On the whole, I feel good about it. Obviously not my first choice, but it should help clear my head a bit and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I won't waste (too many) cycles thinking on her. Plus, it opens me up again, for whatever that's worth.
Some time I'll post a positive outlook on this sort of non-thing. Honestly, it was a positive experience for me. It's easy to forget things I should not.
Times like this, I'm strongly tempted to be fatalistic. So it goes.
We probably won't meet up for a while. Oh, I'll see her on Friday at a game night, but starting Sunday she's in her show schedule. That is, work from 6pm to 11pm, except for all day Saturday & Sunday and not on Mondays. Maybe we'll hang out again a week from Monday. Who knows.
On the whole, I feel good about it. Obviously not my first choice, but it should help clear my head a bit and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I won't waste (too many) cycles thinking on her. Plus, it opens me up again, for whatever that's worth.
Some time I'll post a positive outlook on this sort of non-thing. Honestly, it was a positive experience for me. It's easy to forget things I should not.
Times like this, I'm strongly tempted to be fatalistic. So it goes.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Happy Birthday To Me!
Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Etc., etc.
Got in to work about 20 min. ago due to various things, including a morning doctor's appointment and a leaking/flat tire that I discovered when I first arrived at work around 1pm. Must get to work now.
One year ago today.
Three years ago today.
Got in to work about 20 min. ago due to various things, including a morning doctor's appointment and a leaking/flat tire that I discovered when I first arrived at work around 1pm. Must get to work now.
One year ago today.
Three years ago today.
Not A Difficult Question
Less than 15 min. after I put up the previous post, I realized that I knew the answer and had known the answer pretty much from the time the question was asked. It just took a bit for me to realize that. I spoke with movie.girl on the ride home afterwards, and, similar to that, the previous post (and possibly this one) was looking for confirmation of my decision.
But no matter that I want confirmation and approval, I don't need it.
The answer is easy, far easier than I let on. I like her too much for (a). I don't want to do (c) if I don't have to. The answer is (b2), as in hang out as friends but less often and with some clear boundaries.
I don't want a non-exclusive relationship with someone I really like. I may not know what I want in life or my career, but I know what I want with relationships. I also feel that it's a little insulting. "I don't want to date you, but you're still good enough for a non-committed relationship." I know that's not the intent, and I don't think I feel it (much), but it is a subtext. And I do enjoy pride - probably not my favorite of the sins, but it's certainly up there.
As for what I expected, I know what I expected. I always did. I wanted to date her until I couldn't. If she was moving away, fine, but until she did I was ready to go out with her, to go with it, and see what happened. I was not, and am not, ready for an open relationship.
Maybe I'm too traditional or conservative or what-not for that sort of thing. I feel that it just doesn't jive with me. And that's the essence of this. Know thyself. And I do, at least at this time, in this respect.
So no, it wasn't a difficult question. The difficulty lay in understanding my answer. Oh I'll be a bit sad over this, but it's also been a positive experience for me. Perhaps more on that another time.
But no matter that I want confirmation and approval, I don't need it.
The answer is easy, far easier than I let on. I like her too much for (a). I don't want to do (c) if I don't have to. The answer is (b2), as in hang out as friends but less often and with some clear boundaries.
I don't want a non-exclusive relationship with someone I really like. I may not know what I want in life or my career, but I know what I want with relationships. I also feel that it's a little insulting. "I don't want to date you, but you're still good enough for a non-committed relationship." I know that's not the intent, and I don't think I feel it (much), but it is a subtext. And I do enjoy pride - probably not my favorite of the sins, but it's certainly up there.
As for what I expected, I know what I expected. I always did. I wanted to date her until I couldn't. If she was moving away, fine, but until she did I was ready to go out with her, to go with it, and see what happened. I was not, and am not, ready for an open relationship.
Maybe I'm too traditional or conservative or what-not for that sort of thing. I feel that it just doesn't jive with me. And that's the essence of this. Know thyself. And I do, at least at this time, in this respect.
So no, it wasn't a difficult question. The difficulty lay in understanding my answer. Oh I'll be a bit sad over this, but it's also been a positive experience for me. Perhaps more on that another time.
A Difficult Choice?
Met up with boardgame.girl tonight. Before, she had texted me that we needed to talk about "things." After a bunch of boardgames, we talked.
She doesn't want something serious or exclusive right now. For the first time in 2 years, she's at the bar hanging out most nights, meeting guys and going out on dates. She said it feels like she's living someone else's life. She's out of here in 2 months and she doesn't know where she's headed after MA.
She wanted me to know this up front so she wouldn't lead me on or such. I told her I appreciated her telling me. I also said that I'd be lying if I said I didn't want something serious. I asked a good question: Would I be fooling myself if I thought it could be exclusive in the future? She didn't know - it depends on if she comes back, but not in the next 2 months. I didn't give her an answer. Instead, I told her I'd need some time. I still kissed her before leaving.
If you're tempted to ask what non-exclusive means, don't. I don't know. I doubt she has a good idea of what it means, though I could easily be wrong.
I'm of 3 minds:
But I can't have what I want. Not here.
And there's the kicker. I could go with (a) if only I didn't care. If only she was some random girl, someone I'd just met and hadn't already grown to like. Because I do like her for herself. Though she doesn't believe it, she is cool. She's the kind of geek I've been looking for. And I like her. I don't know that I have it in me for (a).
I also know that I don't like (c). I enjoy hanging out with her and playing games and such. It's fun and there's no one else around with whom I can do that, at least for the boardgames if not the more.
I could try (b). I know that the whole time I'd be hoping and/or waiting for her "to come to her senses." But I also know she probably wouldn't. It would be a waste of efforts/hope.
Maybe I do have it in me for (a)? Could I do it without seriously hurting myself in the end?
I have to make a choice this week - let's say by Friday (I'll see her Friday night at boardgaming).
I have more thoughts on this, but it's late and I need to sleep. Please feel free to provide suggestions, thoughts or ideas. I'll put up a birthday post later today.
She doesn't want something serious or exclusive right now. For the first time in 2 years, she's at the bar hanging out most nights, meeting guys and going out on dates. She said it feels like she's living someone else's life. She's out of here in 2 months and she doesn't know where she's headed after MA.
She wanted me to know this up front so she wouldn't lead me on or such. I told her I appreciated her telling me. I also said that I'd be lying if I said I didn't want something serious. I asked a good question: Would I be fooling myself if I thought it could be exclusive in the future? She didn't know - it depends on if she comes back, but not in the next 2 months. I didn't give her an answer. Instead, I told her I'd need some time. I still kissed her before leaving.
If you're tempted to ask what non-exclusive means, don't. I don't know. I doubt she has a good idea of what it means, though I could easily be wrong.
I'm of 3 minds:
(a) Go with "it" whatever "it" is.See, I know what I want. I want a relationship, something serious, something meaningful. I've only been "going out" with boardgame.girl for a few weeks and, to be honest, I haven't fallen as hard as I could. I've tried to keep something in reserve. I didn't have any expectations per se, particularly knowing she's moving away in a while. I figured I'd just ride it out and see what happened.
(b) Try to hang out with her as "just friends" and no more.
(c) Sever it. Cut bait and try not to look back.
But I can't have what I want. Not here.
And there's the kicker. I could go with (a) if only I didn't care. If only she was some random girl, someone I'd just met and hadn't already grown to like. Because I do like her for herself. Though she doesn't believe it, she is cool. She's the kind of geek I've been looking for. And I like her. I don't know that I have it in me for (a).
I also know that I don't like (c). I enjoy hanging out with her and playing games and such. It's fun and there's no one else around with whom I can do that, at least for the boardgames if not the more.
I could try (b). I know that the whole time I'd be hoping and/or waiting for her "to come to her senses." But I also know she probably wouldn't. It would be a waste of efforts/hope.
Maybe I do have it in me for (a)? Could I do it without seriously hurting myself in the end?
I have to make a choice this week - let's say by Friday (I'll see her Friday night at boardgaming).
I have more thoughts on this, but it's late and I need to sleep. Please feel free to provide suggestions, thoughts or ideas. I'll put up a birthday post later today.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Choices
I was working on a post titled "The End Is Near," but then, after pondering, I realized it's just whining. More griping about work and stress and my mom. That's it. It's not helpful or useful. Writing it isn't going to change anything. It's venting, but not in any capacity that could be construed as productive or positive.
Sometimes venting can be good. You express your feelings and clear the air, and your head. But I have a huge streak in me that likes to vent without concurrently accomplishing anything positive. I like to whine.
So you're not getting that "End" post. Instead, you're getting this one on choice.
I continually forget that I have choices. We all do. I can choose to be miserable and unhappy. I can choose to blame my job or my situation or my lack of motivation. I can choose to be mindless and without direction.
Or I can choose not.
I can choose to find happiness where I can. I can consciously choose to be positive and maintain a positive outlook, to find and see the best instead of the worst. I rarely do so, but that's not the point. The point is that I have a choice and I need to choose.
I am going to make a conscious effort to choose.
I either choose to do my work and catch up, or I choose to find a new job. No more half-assery. Choice.
I either choose to live at home, or I finally clean things up at home and move out, into a place of my own. Choice.
I either choose to eat better and get in shape, or I choose to deal with the consequences. Choice.
Too often, I do something because it is there in front of me. Because it is easy. Because it is "the next step." Because it is convenient. Not because I made a choice, but because I didn't make a choice.
So I need to start affirmatively making choices. Now.
Sometimes venting can be good. You express your feelings and clear the air, and your head. But I have a huge streak in me that likes to vent without concurrently accomplishing anything positive. I like to whine.
So you're not getting that "End" post. Instead, you're getting this one on choice.
I continually forget that I have choices. We all do. I can choose to be miserable and unhappy. I can choose to blame my job or my situation or my lack of motivation. I can choose to be mindless and without direction.
Or I can choose not.
I can choose to find happiness where I can. I can consciously choose to be positive and maintain a positive outlook, to find and see the best instead of the worst. I rarely do so, but that's not the point. The point is that I have a choice and I need to choose.
I am going to make a conscious effort to choose.
I either choose to do my work and catch up, or I choose to find a new job. No more half-assery. Choice.
I either choose to live at home, or I finally clean things up at home and move out, into a place of my own. Choice.
I either choose to eat better and get in shape, or I choose to deal with the consequences. Choice.
Too often, I do something because it is there in front of me. Because it is easy. Because it is "the next step." Because it is convenient. Not because I made a choice, but because I didn't make a choice.
"Begin each day as if it were on purpose!" -- Mary Anne RadmacherAll of the above could be a load of hot air. I am known for having minor epiphanies and promptly not following through on them. Heck, I'm known for not following through on things in general. But that's also symptomatic -- I don't choose and I don't do anything because of that.
So I need to start affirmatively making choices. Now.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Hello Troll Hunters!
Checking stats, let's see... 75 visits today.. 75 VISITS? Well, at least 48 of them were from searches relating to:
I find it amusing every time my visitor count jumps because of a cultural reference. By far, the biggest one is for Pop Rocks / Rock Toxin, a review I wrote over 3 years ago about an ABC made-for-TV movie starring Gary Cole. I'm in the top 10 of those search results and I know every time they air it 'cause my visitor count jumps sharply.
One of many things that amuses me.
"Beloved by humans, envied by trolls." -- Honda (car commercial)From this old post.
I find it amusing every time my visitor count jumps because of a cultural reference. By far, the biggest one is for Pop Rocks / Rock Toxin, a review I wrote over 3 years ago about an ABC made-for-TV movie starring Gary Cole. I'm in the top 10 of those search results and I know every time they air it 'cause my visitor count jumps sharply.
One of many things that amuses me.
