Sunday, February 25, 2007

This Week in Miscellany X

This Week's Anthem: "Love" by Sixpence None The Richer

Miscellaneous Miscellany:


"Sneakier than an imaginary ninja on a stealth fighter!" -- Diesel Sweeties (2/21/07)

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -- Arthur C. Clarke

Overheards: (I may have gone a little overboard this week.)

Overheard One:
Philosophy student: Basically, all I really want is to survive until I die.
Receptionist: Can I help you this morning?
Mom: Yes. I need a shot to keep my daughter from being a complete bitch.
Teen girl: Like they've invented that, Mom.
Lady: You think wearing the skin of a dead cow is cool or something? You're promoting murder by wearing that.
Leather jacket guy: I don't wear this because I like leather. I wear this because I hate cows. My father was gored to death by a bull. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to Burger King.
Customer with CD: Don't make fun of the Transformers.
Bookseller: I'm not making fun. I had that soundtrack. I lost it in the hurricane.
Customer with CD: Well, you can't have mine.
Bookseller: I have The Matrix.
Customer with CD: I have the touch.
Passing customer: And I have the power!
Dude #1: I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Dude #2: Ummm... Hmmm.
Columbia student: Do you go to NYU?
NYU student: Yes, how did you know?
Columbia student: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their students from the homeless shelter.
NYU student: Excuse me?
Columbia student: I'm your biggest enemy.
NYU student: What?
Columbia student: I go to Columbia.
NYU student: Can you leave me alone?
Girl: Oh my god! That guy over there across the street -- I went out with him last Saturday! We made plans for this weekend, and when I asked him what was up he told me he had to go home to Long Island 'cause his grandmother was sick.
Guy friend: The one with his arm around that girl? Clearly, he was lying.
Girl: No shit. C'mon, let's cross the street.

[They cross the street.]

Girl: Oh my god! Alex*! Wow, this is funny.
Alex: Oh... Jenny*... Hi... What are you doing here?

[Introductions are made all around.]

Jenny: So, how's your grandmother? I take it you saw her this weekend?
Girl with Alex: Yeah, Alex, how is your grandmother? You saw her two weekends in a row? You are quite the devoted grandson.
Jenny's guy friend: Dude, you are so fucked.
Little boy: Oprah, save me!


Hot Asian chick: I want to go, but do we have enough David Hasselhoff shirts to last us the whole weekend?


Guy chatting up girl: Yeah, this is a real celebrity hangout. There are probably famous people in here right now, we just don't know who they are.
Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren't like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I've ever seen!


Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.
Crazy lady: Don't touch my coat! I don't know where your hands have been!
Passenger: I was fixing something.
Crazy lady: Well, don't fix anything! I don't know you! And get your fucking hand out of my face!
Passenger: My hand wasn't in your face.
Crazy lady: I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to myself! Stop stalking me or I'll cut you right on this train!

Old Miscellany:

This Week in Miscelleny I
This Week in Miscellany II
This Week in Miscellany III
This Week in Miscellany IV
This Week in Miscellany V
This Week in Miscelleny VI (there is no VI)
This Week in Miscellany VII
This Week in Miscellany VIII
This Week in Miscellany IX

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Warlock Haikus

My main in World of Warcraft is a Warlock. I realize this means nothing to +90% of the people reading this. (Too bad.) On the official WoW Warlock Board, someone started a thread for Warlock Haikus. (Link will likely be broken.) I contributed the following:


(It was screaming for caps. And technically, "EAT" should probably be "TAKE." I just like "EAT" better.)

Warlocks are wicked.
Have you done your evil deed?
Kittens make good snacks.

("Kittens" could easily be "Gnomes" or "Trolls" instead.)

Curse of Agony,
Corruption, Siphon Life, and
Drain Life mean you die.

(This is kinda fun!)

Do not run away!
We come in peace. Do not fear.
Oops, did I kill you?

(Infernal in Goldshire maybe?)

I saw the Rogue first,
but then he popped his Cloak.
The graveyard is nice.

(I'm looking forward to Peeveepee. And graveyards. And repair bills. *sigh*)

Felguards smash faces.
They can also stun and cleave
those who laugh at them.

(Go Demo Spec! And no, it's not nubguard or lolguard. Don't hate us because we pwn.)

I am a Warlock.
I kill for fun and profit.
I am immortal.

(Probably sacreligious.. which fits as we're Warlocks.)

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

This Morning's E-Mails

Every day, as part of my morning work ritual, I check my four G-mail accounts. I actually have at least another 3-4 e-mail accounts but they are largely unused. This morning, I came across two "bombs" in my personal e-mail account.

1. Captain Kate, who was rather pregnant when last we spoke, had her baby! I think the baby was a bit premature (I remember April something as the due date) but both mother and daughter are healthy and well. Congratulations to Capt. Kate and SeƱor Pete!!!

2. My best friend from college (haven't seen him in 4-5 years or so) sent me an e-mail a month or two ago telling me that he's getting married later this year and inviting me to the wedding. Today, he asked me to be a groomsman! (To which I replied I would be honored.) His will be the second wedding I attend this year and also the second wedding in which I am a groomsman. Whoah.

I know there's a 3-time rule for women serving in the Bridal Party. Is there any such "rule" for men?

Quite a way to begin the day.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Evil Dead The Musical

On Saturday, The Actuary, Gamer Girl (his girlfriend) and I went into "The City" (aka The Big Apple) to see Evil Dead The Musical. We actually caught the second-to-last show. Lamentably, it's no longer showing in NYC (or anywhere else (yet)).


Evil Dead The Musical - Main Site
EDTM Myspace Page
EDTM Cast Album (Soundtrack) Page (Coming out March 24!)
EDTM Merchandise


The Evil Dead (1981) is a campy horror flick written and directed by Sam Raimi and starring the illustrious Bruce Campbell as Ash.

Plot Summary:
Five friends go up to a cabin in the woods where they find unspeakable evil lurking in the forest. They find the Necronomicon and the taped translation of the text. Once the tape is played, the evil is released. One by one, the teens become deadly zombies. With only one remaining, it is up to him to survive the night and battle the evil dead.
(Incidentally, this is also the plot of the musical.)

This was followed by Evil Dead II (1987) and Army of Darkness (1992). The pieces most people remember are from the middle of Evil Dead II through Army of Darkness. For example, Ash as a shotgun ("boomstick")-armed, one-handed, chainsaw-wielding hero.


WONDERFUL! As a fan of Evil Dead, Ash and all-things-Bruce-Campbell, I thoroughly enjoyed the musical! The writers managed to translate the fun, campy attitude to song and dance. The entire atmosphere of the story is that it's making fun of itself - at no time is anything taken too seriously. The musical numbers are downright amazing and the cast succeeded in bringing them alive. The lead actor, Ryan Ward, was excellent and it certainly didn't hurt that the producers cast someone who closely resembles a younger Bruce Campbell. The musical went out of its way to include many hallmarks of the Evil Dead movies, including well-known phrases, references and plenty of T&A. The writers also went so far as to include many trademarks of the campy horror genre, such as the drawn-out-fists-shaking-at-the-sky "NOOOOOOOO!!!" and some overzealous, bloody dismemberment.

If the musical were still running, I would strongly recommend it for fans of the movies and anyone who would enjoy a silly, irreverential horror musical. Truly a good time.

This Week in Miscellany IX

This Week's Anthems: "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash; "Falling in Love" by Lisa Loeb

Miscellaneous Miscellany:


"Valentine's Day: Because love isn't quite complicated enough as it is." -- xkcd (2/14/06)

"I Death Coil mages, and not because I have to, but because I can." -- Kjarne, Ursin Server (Official WoW Warlock Forum)

"You should generally not put a warlock in heroic mode, as the maximum raid size of 40 members will be unlikely to defeat him." -- Dellevin, Chromaggus Server (Official WoW Warlock Forum)


Overheard 1:
Chick: A new day, another dollar. A new day, another dollar. A new day, another dollar. As long as I have my smoothie, I'm okay. Smoothie -- okay. No smoothie -- not okay.
Frustrated employee to dim coworker: If you'd stop being an idiot I wouldn't have to hate you anymore.
Coworker: You know, they really need to make more Queen Latifah movies.
Patron: Ummm, I'm looking for a book.

Librarian: Okay, well, do you know what it's called?

Patron: No.

Librarian: Do you know who wrote it?

Patron: No.

Librarian: Are you just hoping that we have some sort of book?

Patron: Yeah.

Librarian: You know you're in a fuckin' library, right?

Old Miscellany:

This Week in Miscelleny I
This Week in Miscellany II
This Week in Miscellany III
This Week in Miscellany IV
This Week in Miscellany V
This Week in Miscelleny VI (there is no VI)
This Week in Miscellany VII
This Week in Miscellany VIII

This Week in Miscellany VIII

This Week's Anthems: "Rain All Day" by Fleming & John; "My Lover's Box" by Garbage; "Forgotten" by Avril Lavigne

Miscellaneous Miscellany:


"If everybody liked us, we would be rich." -- Elvis Duran, The Z-100 Morning Zoo (1/30/07)

"Our love is like a honey-baked ham: pink, salty and unclean in the eyes of the lord." -- Diesel Sweeties Valentine e-Cards 2.0

"My goal is to replace my soul with coffee and become immortal." -- Dilbert (2/08/07)

"The trick to staying in a relationship is digging yourself into the shallowest graves possible." -- Diesel Sweeties (2/08/07)

"Overlords are not required to come up with business plans!" -- User Friendly (2/09/07)


Overheard 1:
Male flight attendant: Okay, folks, one last time -- please turn your cell phones off. If the person next to you is talking on their phone, smack 'em! That should teach them.

Old Miscellany:

This Week in Miscelleny I
This Week in Miscellany II
This Week in Miscellany III
This Week in Miscellany IV
This Week in Miscellany V
This Week in Miscelleny VI (there is no VI)
This Week in Miscellany VII

eHarmony Update

I haven't mentioned eHarmony in a long time because there hasn't been anything to say. I've been getting new matches on and off. Until a few days ago, none had requested communication (at least in the previous 1-2 months). As it is, I don't have anything to update with though I do have a few thoughts/comments.

eHarmony apparently has a flexible matching system in addition to the normal, non-flexible one. The flexible system matches you with people (slightly) outside your stated preferences for those preferences you indicated were of less importance. For example, I know I specified 22 as the bottom limit for age. (My reasoning is that she must be old enough to drink and... well, no great reason for 22 vs. 21 other than I feel upping it to 22 will help increase maturity by a small but significant notch.) eHarmony matched me with a 20 year old. That's all fine, well and good, but I don't think so. I'm probably a little flexible on upper age but not on lower. Thank you, try again.

One of eHarmony's fill-in-the-blank fields is: "One thing that only [person]'s best friends know is:" Easily 50% of the profiles I've seen respond with something like: "I am not going to tell, its a secret and that is why they are the only ones who know." or "Hahaha, if I tell the world of eharmony, then it would no longer be a thing that only my best friend knows." or "Well if only my best friends know, then it means you have to get to know me, to know what that is..." (Incidentally, those are direct quotes from profiles.)

Let's think about this for a minute. If they ("they" being the omniscient g-ds of eHarmony) put that question in their questionnaire, chances are they didn't want people to respond with a "cute" quip about being secretive. Somewhat like the last field ("Some additional information [person] wanted you to know is:"), they were trying to provide additional opportunities to relate pertinent information.

The goal here is to meet people while also being somewhat selective about it. eHarmony's matching system is the first screen. They only send you profiles of people with whom they think you'd be a good match, based on their patented matching system that was undoubtedly procured from the aliens. The second screen is the person's profile. A profile needs to relate enough information about a person so that someone reading it can make an initial guesstimation as to whether or not they'd like to start the eHarmony 49-step process of communication. (Okay, so the process is really only 4 or 5 steps, but with delays and the fact that each step comprises action by both parties, it takes forever.)

By being "cute" and "witty" (where responding as in the above quotes is actually neither cute nor witty), you only indicate your inability to understand the question and its purpose.

You read that right. It's not that the person has chosen to not answer the question. (I could respect, though not agree, with that choice.) It's the fact that they took time to tap out a brief, meaningless response that illustrates their total and complete lack of comprehension. I have yet to selectively not-select (i.e., eliminate) a match based solely on such a non-response, but do not doubt that any answers like the ones above go in the "minus" column. If I reject based on spelling or grammar, you better believe I'd consider rejecting for idiocy or stupid answers like the ones above.

I'm still being matched with social workers and teachers, though I was also recently matched with a waitress (aspiring marketer) and law student. I'm dubious about dating a law student. Been there, done that, know that it's Hell (law school that is). However, my reason for not initiating with the law student in question was that she's very much into the outdoors and, although I used to be and probably would enjoy it, I'm generally not.

I'm starting to suspect that the majority of eHarmony women in the age bracket (22-32) and location (CT) I've specified are... (how do I phrase this delicately?) not very smart. I'm looking for an intelligent woman. She doesn't have to have attended law school. She doesn't have to be an "A" student (I sure wasn't, at least in law school). She doesn't have to be working, in her spare time, on cold fusion as the solution to the world's energy crisis. However, she does have to be at least moderately well-spoken and bright. Thus far, at least 75% of the matches eHarmony has sent me fail in this one regard. It's positively painful at times.

But I s'pose I'm patient or at least I can pretend to be or at least in this regard I can pretend to be. So it goes and so I keep looking.

ADDENDUM: Two other women I was matched with - a musician and an actress. In fact, the actress is Ellen Muth of the short-lived series Dead Like Me. She closed the match stating she was pursuing another relationship. I wish the reply options weren't so limited - I'd have loved to say "You were great in 'Dead Like Me'!" instead of "Good luck with your search." [12:52 PM]

ADDENDUM II: In reviewing, I realized that I didn't actually opine on what kind of answers the eHarmony g-ds were looking for. Here's my theory:

Most of the questions are directed to revealing general impressions about yourself and what you're looking for. The questions are very open-ended and could be bent to any one of a dozen different directions. They are there as talking points – to incite the writer to reveal something.

So what is this particular question ("One thing that only [person]'s best friends know is:") directed towards? Rather than trying to get the writer to disclose a dark, hidden secret (e.g., in my spare time I kill puppies for fun and profit), I think this question is trying to shift the vantage point (the point-of-view). I don't think the question should read "One thing that only [person]'s best friends know is:" I think the question really asks "One thing that only [person]'s best friends know is:" In other words, What is something your friends have learned about you? How would they describe you?

My answer was very succinct: "I will try (almost) anything once, twice if I like it."

My (best) friends know that I am up for (almost) anything. If they say: "Let's go to Mohegan Sun!" then I say: "Who's driving?!" If they say: "Let's go to a strip club!" then I say: "Where's the nearest one?!" (Incidentally, those are somewhat accurate quotes from law school.) Half the time I'm the one who proposes some relatively-outlandish course. My answer to the question reflects something that is not secretive but instead reflects something that my best friends might say in describing me. My answer also reveals something more about myself (as all of the answers should).

I almost wish the question was phrased better. I suspect that the intent was either (a) to be as vague as possible to enable many answers; or (b) to ask the writer to reveal something from their friend's p.o.v. I don't think the question succeeds on either level, as evidenced by the clear misinterpretation by many writers. The question cannot be asking the writer to reveal a secret as that is plain idiocy. I give the eHarmony g-ds more credit than that. After all, they are omniscient. (Right?)

By the way, I do not kill puppies for fun and profit in my spare time... just kittens.. and bunny rabbits. [5:44 PM]

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The Non-Continuing Saga

Previously, I described The December-to-February Pit of Despair (The Pit). As it so happens The Pit is in full force and effect and I'm in the pits. I'm just generally unmotivated and uninterested these days.

For example, here's my initial morning ritual of late:
  • Wake up 1.
  • Am I going to stay awake?
  • Nope.
  • Set alarm for another 10 min.
  • Wake up 2.
  • Am I going to stay awake?
  • Ponder this for 15 sec.
  • Decide to get up.
  • Sit up in bed.
  • Wish I didn't have to get up yet.
  • Wish I weren't going to work today.
  • Pause.
  • Wipe crust from eyes.
  • Pause again.
  • Blink.
  • Get out of bed.
I've been doing that for about 5 weeks now, no joking.

My concentration is shot to Hell. I have little-to-no focus. My thinking ranges from acute to duller than a weathered log, based on nothing in particular. Two weekends ago, I hung out with The Actuary and his g/f Gamer Girl – we and two friends of theirs saw the movie Smokin' Aces. I was hoping some activity might help shake me from my ostensibly self-induced stupor. Alas, it did not.

I didn't change my diet. I didn't initially change my slate of non-work activities. I don't know that there was a single causative agent for this. I also don't know how to snap out of it any time soon (i.e., asap).

So, for now, I muddle my way through. I'm generally not happy nor remotely content. I hate how I feel but don't know how to kick it. It's really rather odd and occasionally disconcerting. But I also don't care too much so I figure it will eventually pass and I'll be, well, I don't know where I'll be but it won't be here and it won't be as I am now.

So it goes.

Friday, February 02, 2007

This Week in Miscelleny VII

This Week's Anthem: (World of Warcraft Theme Music)

Miscellaneous Miscellany:


Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
-- Jandon of Lightbringer (WoW Paladin Forum)


Overheard 1:
Cube worker #1: I think I found the secret project.

Cube worker #2: Mine?

Cube worker #1: You have a secret project?

Cube worker #2: Uh, no.
IT guy #1: What is boxing day, anyway?

IT guy #2: Well, I Wikipedia-ed it and could only gather that it either has to do with killing birds, beating up servant girls, or selling off Christmas stuff nobody wants.
Man to female coworker: I don't think you understand -- you brought in fried chicken for us. This gesture is a little more serious than, 'I can tolerate your presence,' and quite honestly, I'm not sure if I'm ready to take our relationship to that level.

Old Miscellany:

This Week in Miscelleny I
This Week in Miscellany II
This Week in Miscellany III
This Week in Miscellany IV
This Week in Miscellany V
This Week in Miscelleny VI (there is no VI)