Friday, January 05, 2007

This Week in Miscellany III

This Week's Anthems: Rammstein's "Sonne" und "Ich Will"

Miscellaneous Miscellany:


"You win this round, my evil queen." -- An Overheard Title

"Sie ist der hellste stern von allen" (It is the brightest star of all). -- Rammstein, "Sonne"

"We're going to save and/or destroy the world!" -- Flintlock flavor text


Overheard 1:
Receptionist: So we're going to need to reschedule his appointment, then?

Nurse: No, Mary*, this patient has passed away.

Receptionist: Okay, so then I'll call him in the morning?

Nurse: You don't understand. He's dead.

Receptionist: Well, Dr. Smith* has a slot open for Monday...

Nurse: He's dead.

Overheard 2:
Coworker: My sister got bit once, and she needed to get a tetanus shot.

Receptionist: What kind of dog was it?

Coworker: No, it was a girl at Taco Bell.

Overheard 3:
Associate: Do you think you could survive if we dropped you in the middle of the rainforest?

Temp: No way -- I would die for sure.

Associate: What about if we dropped you in a Wal-Mart?

Overheard 4:
Coworker #1: You know what we should do? Pool our money together and buy a cat.

Coworker #2: Would anybody feed it? 'Cause I don't want no dead cat runnin' around here.

Overheard 5:
VP yelling into phone: If I have the whale, then I'm king! Everyone has to follow me!

Overheard 6:
Cashier: Hi! How are you doing?

Customer, sighing: I'm 83 years old, my kids don't visit me and when they do their kids annoy the f*** out of me, I haven't had sex in 20 years, and you're out of my favorite ice cream.

Cashier: Look, lady, I didn't really care -- next time just freaking smile and say, 'I'm fine, how are you?' Now... Have a good day.

Customer: Thank you. See you tomorrow.

Overheard 7:
Managing editor on speakerphone: Do you know how to adjust columns in Excel?

Assistant: No...

Managing editor: What do you know?

Assistant: Um... I know that when a man and a woman get together, they--

Managing editor: --Come to my office.

Overheard 8:
Administrator: How was your Christmas?

Boss: Great. Now all I want is to get some sleep and find my underwear.

Overheard 9:
Staffer #1: Hey, Gary*, do you have a spoon?

Staffer #2: What kind of spoon?

Staffer #1: Um, one to eat liquids with... What other kinds of spoons are there?

Staffer #2: Well, jeez -- there's fishing spoons, crack spoons, and cuddling positions.

Staffer #1: You're the only person I know who would ever think of those kinds of spoons over a soup spoon.

Old Miscellany:

This Week in Miscelleny I
This Week in Miscellany II