What do I write that I haven't written here before? I'm in a downward slump again. I felt it a week or two or three ago. I felt it a month or two ago. You can often tell them here by my absence. I know what to write when things are going well, when I'm on an upswing or riding the swell. When it's down, when the trough embraces me? I don't know.
I don't know why I am the way I am. I wish I did. I wish there was a reason, some rhyme or method to the madness. If there is any, it remains as elusive as ever and I am swallowed by my own fallibility.
I had a dream the other night. I dreamed of a having a girlfriend. I dreamed of finding a place for myself (metaphorically, not physically per se). A friend was there, though I don't recall anything more than his presence. I'm trying not to project onto the half-remembered wisp, but I do recall the impression I formed shortly after waking. I had dreamed of two things I want that I do not have now. And I take it to be my subconscious trying to break through, to show me.. maybe that there is a light somewhere.
So what do I do now? The same things I've been doing. Because I tell myself I must. And tomorrow is another day.