Sunday, February 25, 2007

This Week in Miscellany X

This Week's Anthem: "Love" by Sixpence None The Richer

Miscellaneous Miscellany:


"Sneakier than an imaginary ninja on a stealth fighter!" -- Diesel Sweeties (2/21/07)

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -- Arthur C. Clarke

Overheards: (I may have gone a little overboard this week.)

Overheard One:
Philosophy student: Basically, all I really want is to survive until I die.
Receptionist: Can I help you this morning?
Mom: Yes. I need a shot to keep my daughter from being a complete bitch.
Teen girl: Like they've invented that, Mom.
Lady: You think wearing the skin of a dead cow is cool or something? You're promoting murder by wearing that.
Leather jacket guy: I don't wear this because I like leather. I wear this because I hate cows. My father was gored to death by a bull. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to Burger King.
Customer with CD: Don't make fun of the Transformers.
Bookseller: I'm not making fun. I had that soundtrack. I lost it in the hurricane.
Customer with CD: Well, you can't have mine.
Bookseller: I have The Matrix.
Customer with CD: I have the touch.
Passing customer: And I have the power!
Dude #1: I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Dude #2: Ummm... Hmmm.
Columbia student: Do you go to NYU?
NYU student: Yes, how did you know?
Columbia student: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their students from the homeless shelter.
NYU student: Excuse me?
Columbia student: I'm your biggest enemy.
NYU student: What?
Columbia student: I go to Columbia.
NYU student: Can you leave me alone?
Girl: Oh my god! That guy over there across the street -- I went out with him last Saturday! We made plans for this weekend, and when I asked him what was up he told me he had to go home to Long Island 'cause his grandmother was sick.
Guy friend: The one with his arm around that girl? Clearly, he was lying.
Girl: No shit. C'mon, let's cross the street.

[They cross the street.]

Girl: Oh my god! Alex*! Wow, this is funny.
Alex: Oh... Jenny*... Hi... What are you doing here?

[Introductions are made all around.]

Jenny: So, how's your grandmother? I take it you saw her this weekend?
Girl with Alex: Yeah, Alex, how is your grandmother? You saw her two weekends in a row? You are quite the devoted grandson.
Jenny's guy friend: Dude, you are so fucked.
Little boy: Oprah, save me!


Hot Asian chick: I want to go, but do we have enough David Hasselhoff shirts to last us the whole weekend?


Guy chatting up girl: Yeah, this is a real celebrity hangout. There are probably famous people in here right now, we just don't know who they are.
Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren't like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I've ever seen!


Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.
Crazy lady: Don't touch my coat! I don't know where your hands have been!
Passenger: I was fixing something.
Crazy lady: Well, don't fix anything! I don't know you! And get your fucking hand out of my face!
Passenger: My hand wasn't in your face.
Crazy lady: I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to myself! Stop stalking me or I'll cut you right on this train!

Old Miscellany:

This Week in Miscelleny I
This Week in Miscellany II
This Week in Miscellany III
This Week in Miscellany IV
This Week in Miscellany V
This Week in Miscelleny VI (there is no VI)
This Week in Miscellany VII
This Week in Miscellany VIII
This Week in Miscellany IX