(Part I) (Part II) (Part III) (Part IV)
Q: What did you do this summer?
11. I learned to clog dance for fun and profit.
10. I toured the nation, studying serial killers. I also saw Suspect Zero 33 times and read Catcher in the Rye 21 times.
9. I worked for Governor Rowland until I was forced to find a new job.
8. I clubbed baby seals.
7. I waited for the Fall. Professionally.
6. I visited Thailand. While there, I was hijacked in my sleep and forced to work in a factory for 16 hours a day making 5 cents an hour. Fortunately, I was able to escape when the rebels stormed the factory, throwing pudding at our oppressors. (They couldn't find any real weapons.) In the tapioca-splattered aftermath, I snuck out a side door. Unfortunately it was a 4-day hike to the nearest town but I made it... although I had to use my friend and guide, Skippy, as food so that I didn't perish. In the end, it wasn't a bad trip. I would go again.
5. I don't know. What did you do this summer?
4. I routinely prayed that I would get to interview with your firm and that you would hire me. I even tried other religions and their practices to better the odds. Three chickens and five cats have perished in your name, oh wise and mighty one.
3. I sat around my apartment, eating pizza and drinking beer while watching TV. Occasionally I ate an orange so I wouldn't get scurvy.
2. I started a snarky blog so I could post all those dirty secrets I know about my classmates on the internet.
1. Nothing, why?