Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Of Lunch, Mathematical Superiority & World Domination

Today, my friendly, neighborhood coworker and I dined at the cafeteria one floor down, as we are wont to do... well, pretty much every day. Lunch comprised a grilled chicken wrap with mustard, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion and green pepper. After it was assembled and placed inside a suitable Styrofoam container, the wrap safely nestled between a small quantity of pretzels and two pickles, I proceeded to the cash register to part with my hard-earned money.

The wrap cost $4.87. Being the infinite smartass that I am, I handed the cashier $10.02, since a $10 bill was the lowest I had and figuring I'd get rid of some pennies while preventing the coppery troublemakers from accumulating and, thus, taking over my pocket (for pennies, too, have their aspirations).

The cashier was completely flummoxed. Completely. I ended up having to defend my payment and explain why I deserved $5.15 in change and not $4.15:
Pretend I gave you $5.02. Then you'd only have to give me back $0.15. But I gave you $10.02 and that's $5 more, so...
My eloquence was astounding. Thus, in concert with my powers of persuasion and backed by indisputable mathematical superiority, I managed to convince the lady at the cash register that I was owed my $5.15 in change. (Honestly, I think she just gave up.) I shall have to remember to load up on $5 bills so that I can avoid future numerical miscalculations while purchasing lunch. And no, I have no idea why she didn't use the cash register to figure it out. Perhaps the cash register is in on the conspiracy.

One thing I think I learned today is that I need to figure out how to leverage my strong mathematical talents into world domination. I'm sure it's possible and I'm confident that, if it is possible, I could achieve it. I just need a plan. Something along the lines of:
Pinky: "What are we doing tonight, Brain?"
Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!"
Kneel before Zod! Okay, okay, kneel before Pythagoras? (Please?)