So I met up with a.f.girl at a bar in a restaurant in Milford. We sat there, talking, for about 2.5 hours.
I suck at first dates.
She and I have relatively little in common. Different music tastes (mostly), different movie tastes (mostly), and she's not really an action figure collector - she just collected Star Wars action figures (over 200 of them) for a while. I stay in, she goes out to bars and concerts and the like with her good friend (her good friend being one who works with Capt. Kate and through whom this blind date was arranged). I'm a geek and she's not, not at all. She wants a large family and a house, I.. I want a family and I don't care about the dwelling (that is, I'll probably move into an apartment when I move out of home). I fancy myself a traveler and she isn't (I've done a ton more traveling than her, though she is not opposed to travel and wants to go to Italy). She was rather talkative and I was not. I like Science Fiction and she's not a big fan.
But she's a nice, good person. She's honest, she's open, she's real. She's okay with where she is (manager at a supermarket) but has her eye on something better, some how, some way. She's probably more driven than me. And she is pretty.
So I am a little conflicted (again).
I don't know what I want, what exactly I'm looking for. I know what I'm not looking for and a.f.girl is good like that. It would be easier if she was into the same music, same movies, same genres, but.. I'm beginning to think that doesn't matter per se. Not everyone I've gone out with has had the same likes/dislikes. I don't think that's what it's about. But then I don't know what I am looking for, so it becomes much more difficult to know when I've found it.
Let me give this a shot.
I'm looking for someone nice. Thoughtful and considerate. Not abrasive or condescending or full of themself. Someone kind and caring. I actually don't care about many particulars, as long as they eventually want a family. I'm not looking for someone with a goal, per se, who is clearly advancing towards it. Hell, if I don't have that, how could I contemplate looking for it? Living in glass houses and all. I need to be attracted to her on some level too, obviously. And it would be good if she were open to new things, willing to try and experiment, give something a shot and see what it's like with the full expectancy that, good or bad, it was worth it to see. (And the last is not necessarily intended in a relationship direction. This is what I was thinking about while writing it - driving 45 min. to try a new restaurant that is supposedly good.)
I have no tremendous, specific restrictions. I'd probably prefer someone less religious than more but that's not disqualifying. I definitely want someone who's working, who is willing to work (no dedicated stay-at-home). Someone who..
Gah. Anyways. I suck at first dates, I think. Or at least blind dates. Music, movies, hobbies.. There was one point where we sat in silence for a minute or two as she waited for me to toss out a conversation lead, a question, whatever. It probably didn't help that I got little sleep the night before. I don't think I was at my best. I don't know.
Also, at times it felt like an interview. The worst part is that, as in an interview, I think I might have given her one or two answers that were tailored to what she wanted to hear. I didn't do it purposefully, it was more like: "Do you want a large family?" (Large family?!?!?? Ummm... What does "large" mean, anyways? And I can't say 'I don't know,' that's not an answer. I suppose I wouldn't mind a large family... I mean I sort of pictured 1-2 kids but more would be okay too. Ummm...) "Well..." Then I'd say something like I wouldn't mind a large family, that it'd be okay. Which it would. And I thought it was an honest answer but.. see, that kind of thing doesn't matter to me so much, as long as she wants a family, period.
Well, I must not have done too poorly. It was left with: "Give me a call." (And it ended with a hug.) And I do want to see what a second date would bring. I'm honestly curious. I think we have more in common, fundamentally, than may be apparent at first blush. We each passed each other's initial litmus test. If we didn't, she wouldn't have said "give me a call" and I wouldn't have said "will do."
So I'm going to give her a call later today, after she gets off work. And we'll go from there, see what we shall see.