Monday, November 06, 2006


Left a message yesterday afternoon. Calling again tonight.

Also getting a new cell phone tonight. (Keeping the same cell phone no., of course.)

After a first date or meeting, there's a period of in-between time that messes me up but good. Due to perceived stress and anxiety, I tend to eat less and lose a little weight. I get a bit less sleep as it's not terribly uncommon for me to lie awake in bed, contemplating this, that and the other (where one of the three revolves around the woman in question and another one of the three concerns my general dating/relationship proclivities and/or past). In other words, I get all out of whack. At the same time, I also tend to focus more on school/work, churning out better results with increased effort.

It may have something to do with my being a little bit O.C. about these things.

And the less sleep bit also involves my occasional tendency to concoct what-if scenarios and repeatedly review prior relevant events. I.e. Going back over the first date with a fine-toothed comb, looking for various things (both good and bad).

Throughout this process, I get a little worked up and often start painting the first date (or past events) in a slightly more favorable light. More or less, I'm interpreting it in the best light. I'm also dreaming up "the next step" and attempting to imagine what the other person is thinking about. In such a way, I begin to fall for the person (and fall hard) even before there is much substance upon which to land. I become a bit invested before even being positive there is something in which to invest.

It can be a sad, sad process to behold.

On the other hand, when it comes to the second date, I'm infinitely more likely to be relaxed, to be more of myself. To have a good time and just generally have my eyes open a bit more. I've mulled things over and I'm ready to.. I don't know, to.. to see what we have, maybe? *shrug* Maybe I'm just more "ready," period.

The good news, in my reviewing, is that in my life, I've had at least two first dates where both she and I could easily tell there was nothing there. Saturday night wasn't like that. Not at all. It wasn't fireworks and stars and orchestral music, but it wasn't a disconnect either. It was.. open. Hence, I suspect, an upcoming second date. I don't know if we have anything and I don't know if we could be a something, but I think there's the possibility and that's all that's needed right now. That gets a second date.

And one other minor observation from Saturday night. I know a hug at the end of the date isn't anything fancy per se. It's not a kiss and it's not a "Nice shoes. Wanna ____?" But I'm not looking for or expecting either of those. A hug is fine. (Beats a handshake?) Especially an honest, earnest hug that lingers just a second longer than it must and feels just right.

(N.B. I kind of wish I had been more eloquent at the end. I was tired and confused and completely off-balance. My sentence consisted of two words "will do." I'm honestly a bit ashamed of that. During the date, I wasn't sure if it would work since we have little in common by music and movies and such. But at the end, I didn't say no. I.. I want to see.)

See how I can get all worked up over nothing? It's a talent, I swear. Or maybe a curse. Or a boon? Or a tragedy. What if it's all of that and more? Yep, the tragedy of the overeager patent agent. I should sell tickets. Would you pay $15 to watch this unfold?

And now I'm just blathering.

Ooh! One more. I've decided that on the second date I need to challenge her. I need to find some contentious point or other and argue with her. Nothing too intense per se, and not something just for the point of arguing, but something to stand my ground and not be a pushover. Because I can come off that way sometimes when I'm definitely not.

Enough. This post is 20 pages long. Cheers!