So. I finally checked my voicemail this morning on the new phone. 'Lo and behold, there's a message there from a.f.girl in response to my Sunday message, probably left sometime yesterday. Was nice to meet you, I don't think I'm going to date right now, I hate leaving a message, etc.
So there went that.
All I can say is two things (probably more, but two more important ones):
(1) I think I'm going to take "I don't think I'm going to date right now" to mean "I don't think I'm going to date you right now." Who knows if that's the right interpretation or if that's what she really meant but it's what I'm going to go with.
(2) I wish I had gotten a second date, a second chance. (That's another good lesson from this. You don't get a second chance to make a first impression. I knew that but I forgot it.)
(3) Leaving me a voicemail when she had my home phone? Okay, she probably called during the day but she knows my works hours, she knew when she could reach me at home. Voicemail goodbye, any way you slice it, is not cool. (Except I think I had my phone on during the day yesterday. She purposefully missed me, I think. Grrr...)
(4) So, leaving the first date she said "let's meet up again, call me" and then 1-2 days later she decides she's "not dating"? ...
So far, from this, I've learned that I can suck at first dates, or at least blind ones. Okay, good to know. Be wary and be prepared (to some extent). I've also learned, or relearned, that I get all worked up over nothing. Also good to know. Probably should try not to get worked up at all. Clearly I misread everything. I know it wasn't the date from Hell and I also know it wasn't the perfect first date, but I didn't think that I did that poorly, all told. Or maybe I did.
I hate second guessing myself. I almost never do it. Choose a course of action and commit to it. Be prepared to change plans or alter direction as needed, but be decisive, even if it means choosing the wrong thing.
Slowly, in an agonizing limp of a gate, the lonely patent agent skulks away, retreating to his fortress of solitude. Surely he will emerge again, some day, to have his hopes raised high and later dashed against the craggy rocks below. But if he does not jump, he does not fall, nor does he fly. And some day, some day he will fly.
Yeah, I'm not really that depressed right now. I'm more defeated or discouraged. But that should only last a day or two tops, maybe less. It's hard to kill hope and I am still hopeful.
And if this is what's going to happen each time I go out on a date, whoah. I think I've got to train myself to not do it (get all worked up, I mean). But I have problems being completely carefree. I'm just not. Or it's rather difficult. Ugh.
Don't forget to vote today.
The friend who set me up on this one, Capt. Kate, has another blind date for me, someone who probably actually has something in common with me. I think I'll inquire more in a few days. Or maybe next week. I don't want to simmer but I do want to be fresh, renewed as it were, for when I try again. And I will try again, as many times as it takes.
Which is also to say, if you're a friend of mine out there and you're reading this and you know a single woman who you think *might* (for any meaning of the word *might*) be a match for me, please, please help me out by setting me up on a blind date.