Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Top Ten* Ways to Celebrate the End of Your Summer Job

*This number does not necessarily represent the actual number of items in the list and may bear little or no resemblance to anything.

As the first regular feature of this exciting and riveting new blog, let me introduce "The Weekly Top Ten List(s)." Every Wednesday, just because it's Wednesday and because I did it last Wednesday so if I do it today and keep posting then it'll become a trend, I shall post a Top X List where 0 < X < 100. I'll call it "The Weekly Top Ten List(s)" for ease. Some weeks you may get more than one list, hence the (s) part of the name.

In any case, onwards with "The List!"
  1. Run around the office wearing a party hat and singing a Beach Boys song.

  2. Undertake a sit in, refusing to leave the office until they free Nelson Mandela. If someone points out that this has already happened, yell that you won't listen to their nut-job conspiracy theories and that you know it's all a front. Be honest but unreasonable.

  3. Erase all the documents you produced and explain you needed to "cover your tracks."

  4. Arrange for a fire drill the day after your last day of work.

  5. Attend journal orientation.

  6. Shred a brief and use it as confetti at the going away party you throw yourself.

  7. Call up all of the clients whose files you worked on and tell them you had a great time and would love to work on their files again.

  8. Run away to Malibu to become a priest/nun. (Get thee to a nunnery!)

  9. Call in sick the day after your last day and, while on the phone, suddenly remember you're done working there.

  10. Prepare a memorandum to the partners/your superior explaining all of the problems with the current organization of the firm/department and what they can do to address these issues. Be sure to e-mail it to the whole firm/department.

  11. Come to the office the day after you finish and sit outside, sunning in a lounge chair with an umbrella, an ice tea, a pair of sunglasses and a stereo playing loud, obnoxious music.

  12. Begin reading for your fall classes.