The Doctor

JDate #1 - THE DOCTOR

PRELUDE: We exchanged around 4 e-mails starting less than 1 week ago. She contacted me first. I asked her if she wanted to get coffee.

REPORT: We met up at a coffee shop and talked for 3.5 hours, mostly about the usual resumé-ish type things.

REACTION: I don't know. She's nice enough and very smart. We don't actually have much specific in common - i.e., movies, TV, reading, interests, genres. However, I think I 'get' her. We're on similar wavelengths and, even if we don't have much in common, I think we understand each other. It's tough to glean that as yet, but there wasn't a big disconnect nor a complete non-relation. I don't think I felt any "spark" per se, nor that she did either, but there could be something there. In my opinion, it's worth at least a second date to see (but I'm patient like that).

FOLLOW UP: She gave me her phone number at the end (and I gave her mine, of course). I'll give her a call tomorrow and see if she wants to meet up for dinner &/or a movie this week/next weekend.

THINGS I LEARNED: The impact of the "living at home" is highly dependent on the woman. The Doctor understood it and could personally relate to it. I phrased it well and I don't think it's a big issue here.

As compared with my blind date, I connected much more with The Doctor. The blind date worked as a manager in a grocery store. The Doctor is a doctor. Not to say I couldn't date a non-intellectual, I just suspect I can better relate to intellectuals/professionals. I think we have more in common. For example, The Doctor and I could relate to one another by similar experiences in med school/law school.

It's probably worth it to go out of my way so that my date doesn't have to. For example, I traveled about 30 min. to meet up with The Doctor. She walked about 5 min. to get to our rendezvous. I think I got bonus points for that.

Dating Observation #1

Initially at least, dating is not just learning about the other person. It's also about dropping your guard.

I think I'm very guarded on a first date. I'm hesitant to "break loose" for fear of turning the other person off or scaring them away. I think most people are like that on a first date. For this reason, the few first dates I've had have been relatively stale, even interview-ish.

Seeing as I may have a second date on the horizon, if/when it occurs, I think I shall endeavor to drop my guard a bit and speak more of myself than about myself.

The Sunday Morning Report

Yesterday I hung out with movie.girl.. until 1am. We watched Josie and the Pussycats which was a surprisingly decent movie, possibly even good. We also just talked at great length. T'was fun, though I probably should have left sooner and gotten to sleep earlier than 2am. Ugh.

Incidentally, she gave me some advice about the living-at-home thing. I suspect that not following her advice will only be detrimental to my dating.

One thing she did for which I am not appreciative is that at 12:30am, when I was fading fast, she started digging at me, asking what I'm passionate about and what my goals are, providing the counter-example of her being very passionate about traveling and seeing new things.

I didn't have a good answer. Goals include marriage & children, but I've felt that I'm short one or two goals. I don't have any larger vision beyond the current situation and I never have. I've always tried not to let it bother me, but I can see how someone else (i.e., a date) might ask these questions and be unhappy with my answers.

So I think I need to solidify a vision of some sort. I have ideas but certainly nothing that's going to help me in 3 hours when I have coffee with 'the doctor.'

Last night, besides imbuing me with a minor headache, has also left me slightly less confident for today's coffee rendezvous. This is a *very* bad thing, one which I could have done without. I'll try to relax and regain some measure of the lost confidence, but I feel that may be beyond me for 3 hours' effort.

Other news - Another JDate connection! I'm having dinner with a lawyer on Tuesday night. I'll have to see how that goes.

Anyways, time to go. Must do my homework, as in rereading correspondence and printing out directions/a map. I'll try to report back later tonight regarding my rendezvous with 'the doctor.'

The Minutiae

As previously mentioned, I have a coffee-date coming up on Sunday. This is my first real life meeting from an internet dating site and I am only minorly scared shitless, but I take that as normal for anything in the 'initial date' category.

I think my overall goal for this is to try and be relaxed and be myself. I have confidence that I can be charming and witty as long as I let myself (or as long as I let that part of me shine through). Most first/initial dates, I'm just so utterly scared and on edge that I tend to clam up or appear uninteresting. It's self-defeating, really... not that I've gone on so many first dates as to really figure them out.

One piece of advice I remember from a law school friend is to let the girl fall for me before revealing my deep, dark secret of collecting action figures. Which, by the way, if she's found this site and is reading this, is definitely one hobby I do not have. *ahem* I figure this is a very small point and, though it may further illustrate my particular form of insanity (or "charm" depending on context), it's unlikely to be a deal-breaker. Heck, if they're aware I'm a 'geek' from my various interests and such, it's not like that particular hobby (which isn't one of mine) should be a terrible shock.

There is, however, one little factoid that might be a deal-breaker, namely my current residence. I'm pretty sure I can provide a suitable explanation of why I am where I am, which is one reason I haven't--

Y'know, I think I answered my own question. I can't be afraid. I can't be afraid that my current residence is going to be a deal-breaker. I won't duck the question if asked and I am glad to explain. I honestly believe that it can be explained and -- (by the way, if the doctor is reading this, the secret is that I live at home, nothing too horrifying, really) – and that it shouldn't be a big problem. And I have to be confident about that, otherwise when it do explain it my explanation won't sound honest enough, even though it is.

I guess the only question then is when I should relate it if it doesn't come up naturally. I will be honest and part of me thinks that before the first date is over, I should explain it. I'm really not trying to hide it, I just know that it's a less preferable residence.

Hmm. I shall have to (briefly) ponder this more.

ADDENDUM: AAAAAHHHHH. I have a coffee-date on Sunday afternoon. AAAAAHHHHH. That is all. [8:36 AM]

Busy, Busy, Busy

I feel like I'm very busy this week.

Tuesday - Right after work, I saw DOA: Dead or Alive. The movie wasn't as bad as I thought it could or would be. (Which, I suppose, is a backhanded compliment of sorts.)

Wednesday - My regular doctor's appointment that had me miss a half-day of work. Right after work, I attended an intellectual property group's Lobster Bake. T'was a decent enough affair.

Thursday - I'm playing tennis tonight. This is with a new group, though since so many people can;t make it, the new group is primarily comprised of people I play with on Saturday morning. (Figures, right?)

Friday - Errr.. nothing special planned (yet), though I may catch a movie Friday night. 1408 and Evan Almighty open this weekend (though Evan Almighty has been claimed by movie.girl).

Saturday - Tennis in the morning. That afternoon/night, I'm hanging out with movie.girl. Not entirely sure what we're going to do. Possibly catch a comedy act at City Steam, but I want to see what else is "happening"/available.

Sunday - Coffee-date with someone I met on JDate. I find it terribly amusing that in less than one week on JDate I've managed to land a coffee-date. It's also minorly amusing since my coffee-date, let's call her "the doctor", and I have relatively little in common. Or at least that's what I've gathered from 3-4 e-mails. Even so, why not? Let's just hope I manage at least alright with this thing. (I'm already a little nervous, though I'm trying not to get worked up over it.)

So like I said, lots going on. For me, this looks to be the busiest week that I've had (in terms of non-work) for a long, long time. Cheers!

Hello Again

I was going to write something here about this week & weekend but I'm too tired to make enough sense of what I write. However, and this is the odd (or odder) part - I'm not so tired that I not write a post entirely. And so you, my gracious reader, are treated to the half-awake meanderings that pass for muddling thinking in my head. And you are so treated, at least until I finish importing about half a dozen CDs into iTunes.

Well, you would have been so treated except my mind has since gone blank. Just utterly devoid of topic (other than the blankness itself being a topic). And so I must bid you adieu until such time as a coherent thought and post-writing happen to collide in a sense other than illusory or well-intentioned. And if that last bit didn't make much sense to you, please, do not despair. It didn't make much sense to me either.

GRAH!!!

I figured now would be as good a time as any to peruse the dating sites I'm registered with and see what's cooking.

eHarmony - Tons of matches, easily over 200 so far. Very few communications. No dates. Looked through the recent matches that haven't closed me, nothing interesting.

Match.com - If I see one more woman who I would send a message to only I'M TOO FUCKING SHORT, I am going to scream. I am 5'6" tall. Apparently, this is lilliputian and I am doomed to wander the Earth alone. Religion? Fair enough. Age? Smoking? Drinking? Ethnicity? Fine. BUT HEIGHT? IF THE WOMAN IS 5'0" TALL, WHY DOES HER MATCH HAVE TO BE AT LEAST 6'0"?!??? Fer cryin' out loud.

gk2gk.com - Man, I just started poking around there for the first time in a long time and, wow. Those are my people. Those are people I'm looking to meet. *sigh*

Incidentally, I feel better after the last one. I think the first two may turn out to be complete wastes of money.

In Which I Opine On A Variety Of Topics

We (my mom and I) have 2 Bichons (Bichon Frise). When asked to describe them I say that they are "small, white fluffy things with teeth." They are adorable when clean, which lasts anywhere from 1 hour to 6 days after grooming. They are white, though some have orange-ish patches of fur (I forget the "official" name for the coloring). Their cuteness is a defense mechanism. DO NOT BE FOOLED. With both of ours, it took 1-2 years for them to become nice dogs. During the first 1-2 years, each dog was a terror. I hear there is a Bichon rescue league. Why anyone would want to rescue these animals is beyond me.

Warren Ellis is an angry bastard. I think he takes some measure of joy in such descriptions of himself. He is also an incredibly talented writer. To date, as far as I know, most (all?) of his work has been in the comic book realm. He has a book, Crooked Little Vein, coming out this Summer. You should buy it, read it, then give Mr. Ellis more of your money. He may be a right bastard, but he is a talented bastard.

Today was showtunes day for me. I listened to the Evil Dead Soundtrack, Sunset Boulevard (1993 Patti LuPone version) and Evita (Madonna version). At the end of the day, I thought to myself that I should pick up a copy of Pirates of Penzance. I may have Oklahoma (Hugh Jackson version) lying around somewhere. The only other musical I can think of, that I've heard and vaguely remember, is Carousel.

My car stereo works fantastically. I can listen to my iPod while driving without losing my temper. In fact, this may be beyond fantastic.

I'm writing this post because I don't want to go to sleep yet (only 9:29 PM) but I also don't want to get into playing a computer game now (too late, too little time, sleepy).

I'm contemplating a year-long creative project. I don't want to go into detail, not yet, not here, but I think I may try it. I've figured out that, while I think I may be artistic in some respects, I am not an artist. I can't draw for shit. [Ed: Though why anyone would want to draw "for shit" is beyond me.] However, I love comic books and graphic novels and I would absolutely love to get "into the business," so to speak.

Generally, I'm not very happy with my current employment. It's good, steady money, but I don't enjoy it. Plus, my current job is about as good as it gets. I could move up the ladder or work on trying to make partner, but it's just not something I want to be doing. Hell, I'd be happier in comic book retail (although significantly poorer, I suspect). I don't know what I'm going to do about this, or when, but some day I will have to do something. I just have to.

Thus far, internet dating has failed to pan out for me. I have yet to even go on one date. Granted, I need to be more proactive and invest time searching on services. Well, I guess that really means that eHarmony has not worked for me thus far. *shrug*

I suspect I need a more go-and-get-'em attitude. In general, I mean, not just online dating. I often feel like a man without a purpose. I have no specific overall goals right now. Any goals are short-term ones, like "pay bills." I need a direction. Sometimes I feel like I may be waiting for something. For what, I don't know. But it's mildly frustrating, not the least because I recognize it and still fail to act. I'm frustrated with myself and, by extension, the world at large. I feel like I should be doing something else, I should be somewhere else. Somewhere that's not on my schedule.

Tired. Time to clean the floor (dog had an "accident") and go to bed. I'm rereading House of M these nights. I have new things to read but I like rereading previous ones. Hell, I have the Witchblade Compendium untouched (picked it up on sale and with a coupon). Ah well.

I contemplated putting together a recommended reading list here for favorite or all graphic novels of mine. I have tons of them. It's mildly obscene and getting worse on a regular basis. But I definitely have favorites and strong recommendations. Maybe I'll work on the list sometime.

Peace out.

ADDENDUM: I think the "official" name is apricot. [9:41 PM]

ADDENDUM II: I reread all my posts after they're posted. I'm an editor through-and-through. I'm also rather particular and occasionally detail-oriented. It's too bad this aspect didn't help me or come into play during law school. [9:44 PM]

"I like the quiet."

Very quiet of late. Work, rest, work, rest, etc. Nothing interesting, really.

I've been playing Command & Conquer 3 (C&C3). Excellent real-time stategy (RTS) game.

On Friday, I had a new car stereo installed. I can now listen to my iPod in the car without screaming obscenities at a tape deck. This is a good thing. A very good thing.

Also on Friday, I picked up Heroes of Might & Magic V (HOMMV). Excellent turn-based strategy game. I think I like C&C3 better, or I'm at least more comfortable (and experienced) with the RTS style. Still, HOMMV is kind of neat. Don't know if I'll play it much beyond the initial push, though.

Started a book of Lovecraft short stories. Finished the first one tonight. Slow reading but incredibly good story-telling. I think I'm going to like this author, though the reading speed is a mark against him. I don't *need* a fast read, it's just easier. Then again, that a fast read also tends to imply reduced vocabulary and description so.. yeah.

I need to call up friends. I'm overdue for that, though I never fear I am too overdue since I would be wont to retort "why didn't you call me."

I need to pay my bills.

I have work tomorrow morning. Lately, I have not been going in on the weekend. I probably should, but I've been making my hours during the week and, though I have work that needs doing, I just don't feel like it.

I played tennis on Saturday morning. Outside. Good stuff.

The post title is from a Buffy episode, The Zeppo, one of my favorites. Xander is my favorite character, by far.

I have jury duty on Friday. I hope I get picked for a jury! (Seriously!) I want to serve on a jury - to see what it's like. Always have. Last time I was called for jury duty, it was the year before law school. No way I'd have been picked. Slightly better chance now since I'm not a lawyer (though I did go to law school). So we shall see.

That's all I've got. Cheers!

Happy Days!

Happy Towel Day! (Wikipedia)

Happy Universal Day of the Jedi!

The former I wish I had known about/remembered before I left home today (so I could bring a towel in celebration thereof).

This year, the latter is the celebration of the 30th anniversary of Star Wars! (SW:ANH was released on May 25, 1977.)

Whoah & Uh Oh

These could be considered pretty alarming:

Investigative reporter says he has the 500 missing Rove emails (BoingBoing)

The Future of America Has Been Stolen (10zenmonkeys)

ABC reports CIA cleared to conduct black ops against Iran (BoingBoing)

28 Weeks Later THAN A ZOMBIE INVASION!

So the post title isn't very inventive. Bite me. Errr.. on second thought, please don't bite me.

I caught 28 Weeks Later last night with a coworker friend. My one word description: intense. 28 Weeks Later is a non-stop thrill ride and an EXCELLENT ZOMBIE MOVIE. I didn't catch many clichés though I did see plenty of blood and dismemberment. (Those zombies can never seem to get enough!) Thankfully, the storyline is a little bit different from its predecessor. Survival, as is the way with zombie movies (so not entirely cliché-free, I suppose), is the name of the game, though the protagonists are not only seeking to escape zombie attacks but also a semi-random death at the hands of the American military. (I guess that's new?)

As with 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later is set in England (London in this case) and filmed in a British style with British actors and actresses (who have British accents).

And that was where my time for writing this review ended. Go see this movie. It's an excellent zombie movie. (Although technically they're victims of a biological weapon and not zombies per se.) Regardless, it's good. A worthy sequel to one of the best.

Days Like Today

I hate days like today. I forgot to turn my alarm on, so I woke up at 6:25 AM. (My alarm had been set for 5:25 AM and I'm almost always up and moving by 6:00 AM.) The dog had gone on the floor, necessitating me spending 30 min. cleaning up the floor. Between both of the above and added delays, I didn't leave the house until 9:08 AM, get into work until 9:35 AM and start billing until 10:04 AM. When you need to rack up 7 hours of billables per day, starting at 10:04 AM is not good. It is very not good. Add into this that my car's tape player currently refuses to play the cassette that enables me to listen to my iPod in the car and my coffee is upsetting my stomach today. Yeah, I'm not in a very good mood here.

*sigh*

[N.B. This post is backdated to reflect its time of writing rather than its time of posting.]

A Long Weekend With Two Friends

So I visited my old college roommate this weekend. Turned out we hadn't seen each other for while - since August 2004 when he visited me in Hartford (and wrote a review for Collateral). He's getting married in September (!!!) and I am the Best Man (!).

This weekend I also met his fiancé. She's fantastic, truly. She is very nice and warm. Just an honestly good person who matches my roommate in so many ways. I think the two of them are great for each other and that they will be very happy together. I suspect I will reiterate this in some form or other during my Best Man speech (which, incidentally, I'm already pre-drafting in my head.. repeatedly).

I think the three of us had a good time this weekend, or at least I know I did. I've said it before and I'll say it again (because I like repeating myself and/or I'm too lazy to look up my previous recitation). In my ever-so-humble opinion, one sign of a true friend is one with whom you can flawlessly reconnect. Someone you haven't spoken with or met in quite a while, but when you do finally reconnect, it's like nothing has changed. You know each other and it's like nothing has changed. You have a great time, just like you did last time and the one before that. I think Matt is such a friend of mine.

I am terribly excited for his wedding this Fall and I am honored, truly honored, to serve as his Best Man. ..and he's going to get a kick ass Bachelor's Party. (I had to include that last part lest I be seen to shirk my responsibilities.) The real question is whether I should pretend to lose the rings when the minister asks for them or simply have a trained monkey swing in on a vine. Personally, I'm thinking monkey. Maybe I should ask the groom... *sly grin*

*Smile*

Tomorrow I get to see my college roommate for the first time in years! Woot!

A Mild Form of Hell

I have 14 pages written of what will likely end up being an at-least-30-page document. And I should/need to have a draft of it done by tomorrow morning. Which means tonight will be an all-nighter. At this point, I plan on breaking for dinner in 20-40 min. and from 9-11:30pm (to hit the mall for CD's and home for Boston Legal).

This is going to be so much fun. ...

ADDENDUM: I split at 9pm to hit the mall for CD's before Boston Legal. Snagged the new Linkin Park (Minutes to Midnight) and Dolores O'Riordan (Are You Listening?) CD's, as well as the second Lacuna Coil album (Karmacode). Went home, popped them on my iPod and watched Boston Legal. I was nearly unconscious so I slept for 4 hours. Woke up at 3:15am, showered, ate, got coffee, got to work and started working on the document again at 5:00am.

I'm frantically trying to finish a draft. Frantically. Which means this post is done. [6:06 AM 5/16/07]

Double Whoah

I mentioned that I'm visiting my old college roommate next weekend and that I'm a groomsman in his wedding this Fall.

Well, I'm also the Best Man.

Whoah.

At some point when the shock wears off, I'll have to figure out what this entails.

Double whoah.

A Tale Of Two Cities

Last Tuesday night I hung out with movie.girl again. (Again meaning like I did about a month ago.) We caught Spider-man 3 on iMax. Good stuff. Hung out afterwards - beer and conversation. She was also kind enough to snap a few photos of me so I now have new photos for my online dating sites. I may be slightly balding and I don't like my smile in the photos. Needless to say, neither of those constitutes a disqualifying condition for the photos. I think I've said it before but I'll say it again. It's always a good time when I hang out with movie.girl.

Last night, I hung out with a law school couple, Captain Kate & Sr. Pete. It was the first time I've seen them since the birth of their daughter, Anna. Pretty cool. I think the world changes a bit when you have a kid. I think that's also an understatement if there ever was one. Their daughter is doing well - about 10 lbs now. Considering she was premature, this is doing very well. Yay Anna! Yay Capt. & Sr.!

Tomorrow I'll be at work, trying to finish things up in time to be away next weekend. I have a truckload of things to do. I should have gone into work today but I reeeeeally didn't feel like it. I spent a small portion of the day cleaning the kitchen floor (damn dogs) and the rest being lazy and a little tired (late night last night). Tomorrow will have to do.

Next weekend I'm visiting my college roommate. His will be the second wedding of the three I attend this fall. His will also be the second of the three in which I am a groomsman. I haven't seen him in a long time (at least a few years). One of my "principles" (so to speak) is that if I'm invited to a friend's wedding, I should visit with the couple in advance thereof. It's kind of silly to show up at the wedding and only be able to say: "Yeah, I was his roommate in college. No clue what he's up to now." If I go to a friend's wedding, I damn well want to be there as a friend and not a familiar stranger.

I'm going to include something a bit more substantive here, even though it's unrelated to the previous parts, largely because I don't want to emphasize it or make mountains out of molehills.

I've been single far more often than not. In the past 11 years, I have spent all but 6 months and 1-2 months of it single. I'm pretty bad at meeting women. I don't go on dates very often. I'm very much a loner, though I would probably rather not be.

That's the setup. The punchline is that I don't think many couples "get" what it's like to be single. A while back, a couple I know made a crack about being single to someone. I didn't laugh. It's generally not something you joke about or even talk very seriously about.

Society has programmed us to believe that we need to find someone else. We need to be one half of a couple. While not everyone has bought into this, many, many have. I certainly have. It's one of those things that I "know" without any solid basis or underpinning. It's one of those things I constantly hope for. It just is. It's the reason some people feel funny about going to see a movie on their own. It's why getting a table for one for lunch or dinner can be an unpleasant experience. It's why I'm annoyed every time my grandparents make an off-handed comment that I need to find a "nice Jewish girl". Society says we must pair off and so, like the lemmings we are, we march.

I'm not contravening this. It's probably in society's best interests to suggest as much. It doesn't usually bother me. But I really suspect that most couples don't realize the pressures a single person feels. Whether or not these pressures are real (e.g., comments from parents or grandparents) or illusory (e.g., a table for one), they are felt. While the individuals in these couples were once single, I think they've "forgotten" what it's like and how rough the single world can be.

This isn't a complaint. It's.. an observation. I don't care. I try not to let most things get to me - that's my goal/nature. (Though, at times, I suspect I am incredibly judgmental and unfair, but who isn't?) I just wish couples, or even the world at large, appreciated that single people sometimes feel this pressure. That sometimes, comments directed in that nature are not well-received. The topic isn't verboten, not at all, it's just also not one that some people take so lightly.