Monday, April 04, 2005


Last night The Girl & I saw Oklahoma! at the Schubert in New Haven. She'd gotten the tickets about 2 months ago when, I believe at that time, she'd still been together with her ex-fiancee-of-twice. Prior to the show, we had dinner at Hot Tomato's nearby. Good eatin'.

The musical was fantastic! Very well done & very enjoyable! I hadn't seen Oklahoma! before so the plot, characters, etc. were all new to me. Separately, the plot and characters themselves were okay. A bit black & white for my tastes but otherwise good. I mean after all, it's Rogers & Hammerstein so how could it be bad??? If you get a chance to see this production of Oklahoma!, I strongly encourage you to do so.

As for The Girl, I came to a conclusion last night. Namely, I have decided not to pursue things with her. Although a friend of mine, upon hearing my decision, was quick to point out some of the practical reasons this is a good idea, none of those influenced my resolution. Rather it was one thing and one thing only. [And btw, I wasn't going to include the reason here & now but I think I will, no matter that she might read this someday. I feel like I owe you, what few readers I have, the truth or some substantial portion thereof.] Basically, I don't think I'm attracted to her. We get along famously and have a number of common interests. With her I can just go off on one of my many tangents or just shut up and stay quiet. It doesn't matter. And I can entertain her as she can me. But I just don't think it'd work and I'm not one to pursue something merely because I can as opposed to because I want to. That's just not me.

There are other reasons beyond that big one. Things like me graduating (hopefully) in 7 weeks. Bar exam studying thereafter. Post-Bar(s) job TBD. The Girl's dubious history when it comes to relationships (ex-fiancee-of-twice for starters). Again though, those didn't weigh in to my decision or at least not much if at all. And from last night, it felt to me as though were I to pursue something, she would not be nonreceptive. Gotta love the double negatives.

For some reason, I'm not terribly settled at the moment. Either in that decision and/or in the amount of schoolwork I have left to do. I almost had a repeat of my sleepless Friday night last night. Almost just couldn't get to sleep. I think that if I don't start accomplishing things, I'm on my way to a nervous breakdown. I only hope I can do what I need to in order to graduate. I'm fairly sure I can, I have confidence in my abilities. I'm just not sure that I have the requisite self-discipline right now. At this point, I just want things to be over and done with so I don't have to worry any more. But I don't want to do what I must in order to reach that point. Odd dichotomy there. Makes me rather depressed, really. But hey, so it goes.

ADDENDUM: I was going to ask The Girl to the Spring Fling/Carnivale (the law school's Spring semiformal) on April 15 (my birthday nonetheless) but since I have opted not to pursue, I will not be inviting.

It is interesting (a wonderful euphemism for so many things) to recall, and not without some small measure of fondness, the previous two years' Spring semiformals.

First year we had two of them, Carnivale and Spring Fling, in that order. Both were fun though the latter bears a specific mention. It was at that year's Spring Fling that, for the first and only time in my life, I acted as a "wingman" for a friend. I managed to "distract" a friend's female date's attention so that the friend could dally with another maiden that day broken from her previous relationship. When the subject of this female date occasionally arises in conversation with said friend and his now-girlfriend, I cannot help but gloat and beam with pride at my short-lived, though satisfying, career as a wingman.

Second year's Spring Fling/Carnivale (an event with one name, Carnivale, and one connotation, Spring Fling) saw me meet a 1L woman (for in no way could she be called a "girl"). She and I struck up a conversation that lasted from the event, onto the bus and all the way to me walking her home. (Side note: Upon returning to my apt., I found a friend too drunk to drive waiting for me so that he might avail himself of my couch until he and sobriety could reencounter each other, allowing him to drive home.) The then-1L and I went out the following Friday, initiating a 5-7 week relationship which culminated with her ending it. She was the one who was my date for a friend's wedding last October, as mentioned in previous posts. That was the second time in my life that I was in a relationship. Although it was relatively short-lived, I feel as though I learned quite a bit from it and am a little more knowledgeable, if not stronger, for the experience. After the disastrous wedding date, she and I had not communicated until about a week ago when we spoke for 5 minutes in the hall. Believe me when I say there is no desire on my part to even think of reinitiating things with that ex. None at all.

Given the previous years' Spring semiformals, I can only hope that this year's is just as lively and interesting. After all, not only is it the 7th semiformal of my law school career but also my last. ::sniff sniff:: [12:16 PM]