She doesn't want something serious or exclusive right now. For the first time in 2 years, she's at the bar hanging out most nights, meeting guys and going out on dates. She said it feels like she's living someone else's life. She's out of here in 2 months and she doesn't know where she's headed after MA.
She wanted me to know this up front so she wouldn't lead me on or such. I told her I appreciated her telling me. I also said that I'd be lying if I said I didn't want something serious. I asked a good question: Would I be fooling myself if I thought it could be exclusive in the future? She didn't know - it depends on if she comes back, but not in the next 2 months. I didn't give her an answer. Instead, I told her I'd need some time. I still kissed her before leaving.
If you're tempted to ask what non-exclusive means, don't. I don't know. I doubt she has a good idea of what it means, though I could easily be wrong.
I'm of 3 minds:
(a) Go with "it" whatever "it" is.See, I know what I want. I want a relationship, something serious, something meaningful. I've only been "going out" with boardgame.girl for a few weeks and, to be honest, I haven't fallen as hard as I could. I've tried to keep something in reserve. I didn't have any expectations per se, particularly knowing she's moving away in a while. I figured I'd just ride it out and see what happened.
(b) Try to hang out with her as "just friends" and no more.
(c) Sever it. Cut bait and try not to look back.
But I can't have what I want. Not here.
And there's the kicker. I could go with (a) if only I didn't care. If only she was some random girl, someone I'd just met and hadn't already grown to like. Because I do like her for herself. Though she doesn't believe it, she is cool. She's the kind of geek I've been looking for. And I like her. I don't know that I have it in me for (a).
I also know that I don't like (c). I enjoy hanging out with her and playing games and such. It's fun and there's no one else around with whom I can do that, at least for the boardgames if not the more.
I could try (b). I know that the whole time I'd be hoping and/or waiting for her "to come to her senses." But I also know she probably wouldn't. It would be a waste of efforts/hope.
Maybe I do have it in me for (a)? Could I do it without seriously hurting myself in the end?
I have to make a choice this week - let's say by Friday (I'll see her Friday night at boardgaming).
I have more thoughts on this, but it's late and I need to sleep. Please feel free to provide suggestions, thoughts or ideas. I'll put up a birthday post later today.