Sunday, March 14, 2010

Period or semicolon?

I have a question that I would really like to ask my friends and coworkers but can't or haven't:

Is this what you want with your life? What you do (work-wise), where you are - are you happy? Do you plan on doing it, staying here indefinitely?

And the one that will likely remain unasked: Is it enough for you?

I look at the people around me and sometimes think these questions. Some of my coworkers have families - a wife and x kids. They seem happy and I bet they are. For them, I'm pretty sure the answers are relatively easy, or at least easier.

But for others whose motivations are less apparent, I'm honestly curious. -- I keep having to delete what I write here, re-type to remain honest. I am asking with expectations and I am hoping/expecting some to feel unsettled, as I feel. I am fishing for answers, for distrust in their complacency, a sign that they, too, haven't accepted this as a period.

I guess that's always one of my fears - that I'm alone in my dis-ease. Alone in my casting about. Alone in my self-made cage. I know I'm not and I know others feel this way or have felt this way, but it's different when you get that confirmation verbally and honestly.

I know this isn't my period. And I'm looking for my next whatever, even if only in spirit and not literally. This isn't enough for me and I know that.

But why don't I do anything about it?