Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Recent Times

I've been keeping moderately busy of late. Mid-July I went into The City to see an art exhibit (Lovecraft-inspired art) and catch a show (The Addams Family starring Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth). The week after I saw a local performance of Twelfth Night with some board gaming friends (Shakespeare in the park at the Beardsley Zoo). This past weekend was my younger cousin's wedding in upper-state New York (necessitating my absence from WBC).

The wedding was nice. It was good to see relatives I haven't seen in awhile. Big congrats to my cousin and his wife!

I've been playing WoW and Star Craft II of late. Passes the time and I find it enjoyable.

Yeah, so far this post feels flat even to me.

I'm of a few minds about the wedding:

(1) First and foremost, I am happy for my cousin and his wife. He is a genuinely nice guy and he found a kind, warm woman who clearly loves him. I have to expect that the two of them will be very happy together.

(2) There were two family members whose absence was felt – my dad and my grandmother's brother's wife, the former gone for 9 years and the latter gone for.. less than 1 year? It was probably more strongly felt since cousins of mine (her children) were at the wedding and talking about it, but felt nonetheless.

During the rehearsal dinner, the maid of honor (I believe it was her doing) presented a slideshow of photos of the bride and groom over the years. A couple of the photos of my cousin (2 or 3 of them) included my dad. I teared up a bit seeing them. Still gets me from time to time. And I still wonder how my life, how myself, would be different if he hadn't died.

(3) I was asked twice when my wedding would be – by my grandmother and by her brother. This wedding reinforced the ticking of the clock for me. It's not always at the forefront of my thoughts, and most days I just try to survive, but it's always there regardless.

I really need to focus on getting my life together: moving forward and advancing my plans, regardless of anything. I need to do something with my life and I need to get going now. I've been patiently waiting--well, no, I've been distracting myself as best I can, and that's not enough. I have "plans," hastily formed and moderately founded, but plans nonetheless. It's about time I started making good on them.

Because I have it in my head that I can't date until I move out of my mom's house. And I don't want to move out until I'm doing something other than what I'm currently doing. And I haven't honestly and sincerely worked on that, well, at all. So maybe it's time. Tick, tock, tick, tock.

It is time. Tick, tock, tick, tock.