Thursday, July 16, 2009

Notes to Self:

For the past 2.5 years, I've been living in fear, waiting for the axe to fall, waiting to be fired. I've been given numerous warnings from my bosses. I've told friends of mine that I would be surprised to make it another x months or that I would most likely be gone by x date. I've gone into work many days wondering if that day, today, would be my last.

But I'm still here at the same firm, in the same position, doing the same things, reacting the same way.

It's about time I choose to change.

And in view of something about how writing it down makes it even more true...

Unless they fire me first, by the end of this year I will quit my job.

Since I've just been given another warning that first clause may hit regardless, but let's see how things go -- I would prefer not to leave on bad terms if I can avoid it. There are a number of ancillary goals to work towards on the way, but I think the above is step one, goal one. A lot of my unhappiness comes back to my job so why do I cling so voraciously to it? Change.

I'm not going to set down everything here quite yet. I'm going to work on some of the more personal, initial steps first -- changing my attitude and behavior. The rest in due time, first steps first.

It's not that I can do this or that I will do this. I am doing it. Starting here, starting now. Change.