Friday, June 13, 2008

Mistaken Terror

This morning I had a moment of pure, unadulterated terror.

I have a conversion due August 1, 2008. For some reason, I thought today was August 13. My face blanched and my head spun as I instantly pondered all the consequences. My thoughts ran something like this:
Oh my G-d, this is it. I finally screwed up. I knew this was coming. They're going to have to fire me. Do I go tell them now or wait until the afternoon? No, I tell them now. My G-d, my mom is going to kill me. I'll spend my days at home, watching TV and eating. I'll have to find a new job. Do I go to the board games tonight? Could I act happy even though I lost my job?
Literally, it took less than a minute for all of these thoughts, and more, to pass through my mind – probably more like 5-15 seconds.

Soon thereafter, though not soon enough, I looked at the wooden calendar marker on my desk and realized that today is June 13. But it was too late. My nerves are frayed. My muscles are tight from tension. My head is still spinning. I'm barely breathing. My whole body is wracked.

This reminded me of the time my publicity professor outed my blog on the last day of class. Pure instantaneous terror. Same thing here though with a slightly different flavor.

I think my head is broken.