It's rainy outside and I'm in a Rusted Root mood. Long ago, I saw them in concert at my college. Amazing performance! I remember the concert being very lively and knowing each and every song they played. Four encores. They were wonderful!
Before the concert, I sat down with my roommate and went through the Rusted Root music I had, guessing which songs would be played and giving him a general feel for the music. I was spot on in my predictions. I don't know how helpful it was for him or if he enjoyed the pre-show sampling, but I greatly appreciated the opportunity to share music with him. (Thank you, MaTT!)
Friday, April 04, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Welcome to the Monkey House
Taken from the title of a Vonnegut short story of the same name.
This morning: Meeting for us associates and the Jr. partner re workload update. I updated my tally. Managed to cross a few things off in the past 2 weeks. Also managed to add more items than I crossed off. Not good.
This afternoon: Cake and celebration of April birthdays, mine included. Cake is good. (The cake is a lie!)
Tonight: More boardgames but with a new group. It's an invite-only affair. I was invited by a guy I've met through other, open groups. Should be fun.
~//~//~//~
This morning's meeting was... not very peppy. Now, I know these meetings are to keep the Jr. partner appraised of where us associates are at and how we're doing managing our workload, but they're also depressing as Hell.
Afterwards, the Jr. partner stopped by my office and, separately, by a friendly co-worker's office. We were both informed that unless we stop spending time talking with one another and get caught up, one of us would be moved to the other hallway.
Yes, we talk too much. We have the same interests – sci fi, boardgames, books, graphic novels, movies, etc. We're friends. Heck, this is the guy who got me into boardgames in the first place. But we're also both in trouble at work and pretty not happy with the current workload. If there were ever a way to motivate us, that wasn't it. I swear that there's a way to say the same thing and have a similar effect but without making it highly negative.
Really brought down the mood. We pretty much didn't talk at lunch, either.
~//~//~//~
Thoughts:
Last night, in my various car-drivings, I pondered a scenario where I tell boardgame.girl that I found her blog. Reminded me of that class at the end of law school where the professor told the whole class about my blog (without identifying me or stating that it was a student's blog, though). I wonder if she would feel a similar initial rush of heart-stopping panic. Or maybe she'd be cooler with it than I was.
If/when (because it's more of a "when" than an "if," assuming things work out) I tell boardgame.girl that I found her blog, I would also tell her that I have a blog. I really am all about being forthright and honest with this gal. (Though I may delay said forthrightness a bit, for the blog revelation I mean.)
Today I'm also feeling more positive about the whole thing. Ironically, the renewed positivity appears to stem from the lack of communication. Funny but true.
I'm trying to figure out why I should call her tomorrow (on Friday). I would like to, if for no other reason than to provide some indication of my continuing interest, but I do need a reason for calling her... and I'm having trouble coming up with one. I know I'm going to see her on Saturday (or at least I know she's planning on coming to the Sat. boardgames), so there's little reason to call and attempt to plan something more at this time. Could just call to see how her week has been. Like I've said before, I'm rotten at this.
It's also easier to be positive about her since I'm fairly negative about work today. The two have no real connection, but it seems as though there is an inverse relation. If I'm worrying about work, I don't have much leftover worrying for the situation with her.
~//~//~//~
Apparently, some people think that I need a work dominatrix. I have no problem with this.
~//~//~//~
This afternoon's birthday celebration feels hollow. I'm not in a good mood. I'm not doing well at work. I'm just not at a place to enjoy cake this afternoon. Yet, I will try to act happy and smile and say "thank you" and feast on tasty, sugary goodness. I have no choice. I must. (It is a difficult burden.)
Sometimes someone at work will ask me how I'm doing. These days I usually reply with a monosyllabic grunt of some denomination that reflects the merest iota of my current state. Occasionally I'll also make a face in conjunction with said monosyllabic grunt. Surprisingly, this counts as a valid response to their question.
~//~//~//~
Filed a continuation that was sort of due today. (Filed it in lieu of a RCE at the 6 mo. date of a Final OA for which the Examiner has assured a Notice of Allowance that is "stuck in processing.")
*whew* That's a mouthful.
ANYWAYS, I skimmed over some advice and comments at my favorite dating blog and had two interesting thoughts. The first was that she could be waiting for me to call her (and possibly wondering why I haven't). The second was that she could just not want to go out with me and hasn't told me yet.
As to the first, her canceling Tuesday night runs slightly counter to that. Even so, she may very well have been too tired for anything that night. As to the second, ummm, how should I know? The lack of communication doesn't really weigh in for one side or the other, as far as I can tell.
That's one area that I've been horrible at interpreting before – when to pursue and when not and how to pursue. Occasionally it's very easy, other times it's rather difficult.
~//~//~//~
Bleh. I'll quote Eva here:
~//~//~//~
And that was today's installment. Maybe I should call her tonight? And schedule is another "thing." I know she's working these days until 7-8pm, so I wouldn't call her cell until 8-ish. Sheesh.
If there isn't a big, blinking neon sign staring me in the face, I may be useless here. (And I may be useless, even if there is a big, blinking neon sign staring me in the face.)
I'll call her tomorrow night. Maybe. Yes. No. Maybe. Ugh.
This morning: Meeting for us associates and the Jr. partner re workload update. I updated my tally. Managed to cross a few things off in the past 2 weeks. Also managed to add more items than I crossed off. Not good.
This afternoon: Cake and celebration of April birthdays, mine included. Cake is good. (The cake is a lie!)
Tonight: More boardgames but with a new group. It's an invite-only affair. I was invited by a guy I've met through other, open groups. Should be fun.
~//~//~//~
This morning's meeting was... not very peppy. Now, I know these meetings are to keep the Jr. partner appraised of where us associates are at and how we're doing managing our workload, but they're also depressing as Hell.
Afterwards, the Jr. partner stopped by my office and, separately, by a friendly co-worker's office. We were both informed that unless we stop spending time talking with one another and get caught up, one of us would be moved to the other hallway.
Yes, we talk too much. We have the same interests – sci fi, boardgames, books, graphic novels, movies, etc. We're friends. Heck, this is the guy who got me into boardgames in the first place. But we're also both in trouble at work and pretty not happy with the current workload. If there were ever a way to motivate us, that wasn't it. I swear that there's a way to say the same thing and have a similar effect but without making it highly negative.
Really brought down the mood. We pretty much didn't talk at lunch, either.
~//~//~//~
Thoughts:
Last night, in my various car-drivings, I pondered a scenario where I tell boardgame.girl that I found her blog. Reminded me of that class at the end of law school where the professor told the whole class about my blog (without identifying me or stating that it was a student's blog, though). I wonder if she would feel a similar initial rush of heart-stopping panic. Or maybe she'd be cooler with it than I was.
If/when (because it's more of a "when" than an "if," assuming things work out) I tell boardgame.girl that I found her blog, I would also tell her that I have a blog. I really am all about being forthright and honest with this gal. (Though I may delay said forthrightness a bit, for the blog revelation I mean.)
Today I'm also feeling more positive about the whole thing. Ironically, the renewed positivity appears to stem from the lack of communication. Funny but true.
I'm trying to figure out why I should call her tomorrow (on Friday). I would like to, if for no other reason than to provide some indication of my continuing interest, but I do need a reason for calling her... and I'm having trouble coming up with one. I know I'm going to see her on Saturday (or at least I know she's planning on coming to the Sat. boardgames), so there's little reason to call and attempt to plan something more at this time. Could just call to see how her week has been. Like I've said before, I'm rotten at this.
It's also easier to be positive about her since I'm fairly negative about work today. The two have no real connection, but it seems as though there is an inverse relation. If I'm worrying about work, I don't have much leftover worrying for the situation with her.
~//~//~//~
Apparently, some people think that I need a work dominatrix. I have no problem with this.
~//~//~//~
This afternoon's birthday celebration feels hollow. I'm not in a good mood. I'm not doing well at work. I'm just not at a place to enjoy cake this afternoon. Yet, I will try to act happy and smile and say "thank you" and feast on tasty, sugary goodness. I have no choice. I must. (It is a difficult burden.)
Sometimes someone at work will ask me how I'm doing. These days I usually reply with a monosyllabic grunt of some denomination that reflects the merest iota of my current state. Occasionally I'll also make a face in conjunction with said monosyllabic grunt. Surprisingly, this counts as a valid response to their question.
~//~//~//~
Filed a continuation that was sort of due today. (Filed it in lieu of a RCE at the 6 mo. date of a Final OA for which the Examiner has assured a Notice of Allowance that is "stuck in processing.")
*whew* That's a mouthful.
ANYWAYS, I skimmed over some advice and comments at my favorite dating blog and had two interesting thoughts. The first was that she could be waiting for me to call her (and possibly wondering why I haven't). The second was that she could just not want to go out with me and hasn't told me yet.
As to the first, her canceling Tuesday night runs slightly counter to that. Even so, she may very well have been too tired for anything that night. As to the second, ummm, how should I know? The lack of communication doesn't really weigh in for one side or the other, as far as I can tell.
That's one area that I've been horrible at interpreting before – when to pursue and when not and how to pursue. Occasionally it's very easy, other times it's rather difficult.
~//~//~//~
Bleh. I'll quote Eva here:
In the dating world where some of us feel that there are too few victories and high points and so many disappointments, I think that a great date does mean something, and I think it means something that doesn’t need to be dismissed even if the outcome isn’t what we desire. I think a great date means that two people, at the very least, have good manners. It means that they value making people feel good and they enjoy having a good time. It may even mean that two genuinely good people have had the opportunity to meet each other. I agree that what a great date doesn’t mean is that there is a mutual connection, a mutual desire for a second date or a long term relationship. It just means that two people shared a pleasant time together. How can that ever be a bad thing? I haven’t always felt this way, but I’m now thankful for a fun date even if I never see the guy again. I just know that one day when that fun date turns into something more, I’ll be ready for it.*sigh*
~//~//~//~
And that was today's installment. Maybe I should call her tonight? And schedule is another "thing." I know she's working these days until 7-8pm, so I wouldn't call her cell until 8-ish. Sheesh.
If there isn't a big, blinking neon sign staring me in the face, I may be useless here. (And I may be useless, even if there is a big, blinking neon sign staring me in the face.)
I'll call her tomorrow night. Maybe. Yes. No. Maybe. Ugh.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Meandering Mind
Boss stopped by my office this morning and gave me a mild rebuking. As such, and in response thereto, I am actually working a bit today. I think I respond better to sticks than carrots. Unfortunately, I cannot ask for, nor should I proactively seek, such motivating impetus from my employers.
~//~//~//~
Terribly bored while reading about power offsets and my brain suddenly jumps track, contemplating boardgame.girl, spinning into "Gee, I wonder what's going to happen." Part of me is anticipating "the worst," waiting for a Dear John e-mail from her. The extremely brief phone call last night did not provide much reassurance in combination with its negative.
Reminds me ever so briefly of the breakup with lawschool.girl, where I knew it was over at least 3 days before we met and declared it dead. I spent each of those nights at the local pub, drinking myself drunk with a different friend. The only good part concerning the intermediate period was that by the time I met up with her, I was ready to discuss the matter unemotionally.
I don't anticipate the same occurring here. I don't expect that things are already over before they've had a chance to begin. But I can't help but contemplate such. My mind naturally considers different viewpoints and potential directions for the future. Give me a scenario and I will instantly ponder the potential outcomes and choices available. My musings range from light to dark, though I tend to dwell on the dark more than the light, perhaps.
~//~//~//~
For what it's worth, most of the posts these days are written over a span of hours, hence their length and breadth (and randomness). The thoughts are in (general) sequential order.
~//~//~//~
I just realized that boardgame.girl could locate this blog without too much trouble. Tangentially, by way of a boardgame group's organizational website and the e-mail address I used there, she could arrive here.
Uh oh.
Ummm... well, if she does and I learn of it, so be it.
I just checked and, as far as I can tell, she hasn't found it yet. I'm going to blithely continue with my thoughts and descriptions, at least for the time being. I already would not reveal anything intimate or that I otherwise suspect she would not want to be revealed. If she arrives and finds my thoughts laid bare, whatever. I think I would share them with her regardless if she ever asked.
That's one thing. I've been more honest with her in the brief time I've known her than I am with most other people, including some friends. I haven't hidden anything or otherwise held back. I've been myself and I believe that's been a good thing.
~//~//~//~
I look at my cell phone to see if I've missed any calls or text messages, fold it up and put it away.
~//~//~//~
Have I mentioned before how I'm occasionally prone to such mood swings? High to low, low to high.
Instead of wondering and worrying, both activities which I often enjoy and pursue, I could chose to be positive and upbeat about the whole thing. I really could. This is where my suspicion of negative/darker tendencies may bear out.
~//~//~//~
I am having a terribly difficult time finishing up these stupid claim amendments. I really, really find the instant work to be boring. My brain hurts from the inanity. I'm trying to finish it, to just do the work, but it's painful.
Don't surf boardgamegeek. Don't check your e-mail again. Don't click over to another website and see if there are new replies. Stop typing this post. Go. Do. Your. Work.
~//~//~//~
Finished it. Sent the e-mail. *whew*
~//~//~//~
About 10-20 min. ago, I had a flash of insight. I thought: "Well, if there's a chance for boardgame.girl to find my blog in that manner, I wonder what I can find in reverse." Guess what -- I found her blog!
She hasn't been regularly posting there, at least in 2008, but I found it. Well, technically I found both her old blog and her current blog. I didn't go beyond the front page of either because I realized that, if she's anything like me, she has the capability of obtaining stats for her blog(s) and could potentially determine (for herself) that I found her blog(s).
That sounds a little hard to follow. Let me try again: If she were to check, and assuming she has similar capabilities as me, she can already determine that I found her blog (though said determination would involve a little digging on her part). So I don't want to dig around her blog more right now and make such discovery further evident or apparent.
But wow. Talk about putting your money where your mouth is. (I think that's the right expression?) My first reaction was literally: "Oh shit! There's a good chance she'll find my blog!" Followed by: "I better pull those posts I wrote and apologize for the editing." Then I thought: "But wait. In today's unpublished ravings, I wrote that I would be okay with her reading this. Am I? If so, the posts stay up."
And I am. I'm okay with it. I don't write anything here that I wouldn't otherwise want associated with me. That's my filter.
So I'm going to leave things where they lie. I'm a bit antsy about it, but if she finds this place, so be it. It should prove that I'm just ascrazy human as she is (judging from some of her old posts, hehe).
But wow. That's an unexpected jolt of reality and perspective. Must remember for the future. I write things and people can read them. It's easy to forget how ubiquitous the Internet has become and how everything is interconnected. I assume certain people haven't read what I post here. I cannot safely make assumptions like that, certainly not with anyone intelligent and/or computer-savvy (both of which, ostensibly, boardgame.girl is, not to mention cute, witty and charming -- just to cover my bases in case she reads this).
Wow.
==END TRANSMISSION==
~//~//~//~
Terribly bored while reading about power offsets and my brain suddenly jumps track, contemplating boardgame.girl, spinning into "Gee, I wonder what's going to happen." Part of me is anticipating "the worst," waiting for a Dear John e-mail from her. The extremely brief phone call last night did not provide much reassurance in combination with its negative.
Reminds me ever so briefly of the breakup with lawschool.girl, where I knew it was over at least 3 days before we met and declared it dead. I spent each of those nights at the local pub, drinking myself drunk with a different friend. The only good part concerning the intermediate period was that by the time I met up with her, I was ready to discuss the matter unemotionally.
I don't anticipate the same occurring here. I don't expect that things are already over before they've had a chance to begin. But I can't help but contemplate such. My mind naturally considers different viewpoints and potential directions for the future. Give me a scenario and I will instantly ponder the potential outcomes and choices available. My musings range from light to dark, though I tend to dwell on the dark more than the light, perhaps.
~//~//~//~
For what it's worth, most of the posts these days are written over a span of hours, hence their length and breadth (and randomness). The thoughts are in (general) sequential order.
~//~//~//~
I just realized that boardgame.girl could locate this blog without too much trouble. Tangentially, by way of a boardgame group's organizational website and the e-mail address I used there, she could arrive here.
Uh oh.
Ummm... well, if she does and I learn of it, so be it.
I just checked and, as far as I can tell, she hasn't found it yet. I'm going to blithely continue with my thoughts and descriptions, at least for the time being. I already would not reveal anything intimate or that I otherwise suspect she would not want to be revealed. If she arrives and finds my thoughts laid bare, whatever. I think I would share them with her regardless if she ever asked.
That's one thing. I've been more honest with her in the brief time I've known her than I am with most other people, including some friends. I haven't hidden anything or otherwise held back. I've been myself and I believe that's been a good thing.
~//~//~//~
I look at my cell phone to see if I've missed any calls or text messages, fold it up and put it away.
~//~//~//~
Have I mentioned before how I'm occasionally prone to such mood swings? High to low, low to high.
Instead of wondering and worrying, both activities which I often enjoy and pursue, I could chose to be positive and upbeat about the whole thing. I really could. This is where my suspicion of negative/darker tendencies may bear out.
~//~//~//~
I am having a terribly difficult time finishing up these stupid claim amendments. I really, really find the instant work to be boring. My brain hurts from the inanity. I'm trying to finish it, to just do the work, but it's painful.
Don't surf boardgamegeek. Don't check your e-mail again. Don't click over to another website and see if there are new replies. Stop typing this post. Go. Do. Your. Work.
~//~//~//~
Finished it. Sent the e-mail. *whew*
~//~//~//~
About 10-20 min. ago, I had a flash of insight. I thought: "Well, if there's a chance for boardgame.girl to find my blog in that manner, I wonder what I can find in reverse." Guess what -- I found her blog!
She hasn't been regularly posting there, at least in 2008, but I found it. Well, technically I found both her old blog and her current blog. I didn't go beyond the front page of either because I realized that, if she's anything like me, she has the capability of obtaining stats for her blog(s) and could potentially determine (for herself) that I found her blog(s).
That sounds a little hard to follow. Let me try again: If she were to check, and assuming she has similar capabilities as me, she can already determine that I found her blog (though said determination would involve a little digging on her part). So I don't want to dig around her blog more right now and make such discovery further evident or apparent.
But wow. Talk about putting your money where your mouth is. (I think that's the right expression?) My first reaction was literally: "Oh shit! There's a good chance she'll find my blog!" Followed by: "I better pull those posts I wrote and apologize for the editing." Then I thought: "But wait. In today's unpublished ravings, I wrote that I would be okay with her reading this. Am I? If so, the posts stay up."
And I am. I'm okay with it. I don't write anything here that I wouldn't otherwise want associated with me. That's my filter.
So I'm going to leave things where they lie. I'm a bit antsy about it, but if she finds this place, so be it. It should prove that I'm just as
But wow. That's an unexpected jolt of reality and perspective. Must remember for the future. I write things and people can read them. It's easy to forget how ubiquitous the Internet has become and how everything is interconnected. I assume certain people haven't read what I post here. I cannot safely make assumptions like that, certainly not with anyone intelligent and/or computer-savvy (both of which, ostensibly, boardgame.girl is, not to mention cute, witty and charming -- just to cover my bases in case she reads this).
Wow.
==END TRANSMISSION==
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Non-happening?
So boardgame.girl called me at 7:45pm, when she got out of her meeting. She's tired so no meeting up tonight. We'll talk later this week. She'll be at the Saturday gaming.
This is where my insanity starts to shine. See, paranoia is wont to set in with thoughts like "maybe something's wrong" or "maybe she doesn't want to see me" or "this thing's already gone South."
I got her call while I was sitting in a Starbucks, drinking coffee and reading a book, waiting for her to call. Those were my first thoughts. Shit. Is this non-thing already a non-happening?
But then, as I drove home by way of the mall (had to snag Sweeney Todd, which came out today), I thought to myself: "Wait just a second. She was into me last night. I know that. From the conversation, her body language, her smile. I have no regrets about anything I said or did last night. I went for it and it worked." I smiled to myself. "Even if this did go South, I did nothing wrong and I have no regrets." If anything is wrong, it's on her end.
Maybe she's just tired. I certainly am. It's been 4 nights in a row of minimal sleep (5-6 hours per night). Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Get some sleep. Let this marinate. The ball is in her court. I know what I want here. I may not know where my career is going, but I know what I want here. With no reservations, few if any doubts, I know.
I also know that some of the above sounds like transference - "it's not me, it's her" - but I honestly believe that. I'm game for this. For the first time in a long time, I'm ready.
That's something else. It happened with the lawschoolgirl (whom I briefly dated for 5-6 weeks during my second year of law school) - I tumbled fast and was too insistent, too ready. If and when I fall, I fall. No pause, no parachute, I fall. With lawschoolgirl, it was.. too much for her. I was ready to spend time with her, to make it something immediately, and she wasn't. Not at all. She needed her space and I could not brook that.
I don't think that's a big issue here. There's lots of space. But then again, tonight would have been the third night in a row. (It sort of just happened like that.) I dunno.
So we'll see what happens. I have gaming on Wednesday and Thursday, and I believe she has meetings or some such those nights. I'll either wait for her to call or I'll call her on Friday, see how her week went? I dunno. I'm bad at starts and I'm even worse at the middlings, the indeterminate periods. Ah Hell, I'm bad at all of this crap. We shall see what we shall see.
This is where my insanity starts to shine. See, paranoia is wont to set in with thoughts like "maybe something's wrong" or "maybe she doesn't want to see me" or "this thing's already gone South."
I got her call while I was sitting in a Starbucks, drinking coffee and reading a book, waiting for her to call. Those were my first thoughts. Shit. Is this non-thing already a non-happening?
But then, as I drove home by way of the mall (had to snag Sweeney Todd, which came out today), I thought to myself: "Wait just a second. She was into me last night. I know that. From the conversation, her body language, her smile. I have no regrets about anything I said or did last night. I went for it and it worked." I smiled to myself. "Even if this did go South, I did nothing wrong and I have no regrets." If anything is wrong, it's on her end.
Maybe she's just tired. I certainly am. It's been 4 nights in a row of minimal sleep (5-6 hours per night). Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Get some sleep. Let this marinate. The ball is in her court. I know what I want here. I may not know where my career is going, but I know what I want here. With no reservations, few if any doubts, I know.
I also know that some of the above sounds like transference - "it's not me, it's her" - but I honestly believe that. I'm game for this. For the first time in a long time, I'm ready.
That's something else. It happened with the lawschoolgirl (whom I briefly dated for 5-6 weeks during my second year of law school) - I tumbled fast and was too insistent, too ready. If and when I fall, I fall. No pause, no parachute, I fall. With lawschoolgirl, it was.. too much for her. I was ready to spend time with her, to make it something immediately, and she wasn't. Not at all. She needed her space and I could not brook that.
I don't think that's a big issue here. There's lots of space. But then again, tonight would have been the third night in a row. (It sort of just happened like that.) I dunno.
So we'll see what happens. I have gaming on Wednesday and Thursday, and I believe she has meetings or some such those nights. I'll either wait for her to call or I'll call her on Friday, see how her week went? I dunno. I'm bad at starts and I'm even worse at the middlings, the indeterminate periods. Ah Hell, I'm bad at all of this crap. We shall see what we shall see.
How Do I Fix My Head OR Reality is relative. (Who Will Save Us Now)
Was listening to the album 'The Needles The Space' from Straylight Run. Loving it as always.
Head's a little wonky from last night. A bit tired. We had some Korean attorneys visiting today, an unusual occurrence.
Happy April Fool's Day!
Head's a little wonky from last night. A bit tired. We had some Korean attorneys visiting today, an unusual occurrence.
Happy April Fool's Day!
More Notes
Re: last night
It was very lightly drizzling out. Around 12:20 am-ish. The world collapsed to the moment. Lasted around 15-30 sec. or so? (Not that brief.) After, looked at each other and said "goodnight."
When I said what I did, she was taken completely off guard. Surprise evident on her face. Closely (only a second or two?) followed by a "yes," after which we approached each other.
In 21, there's a scene where, sitting next to Kate Bosworth on the subway (Boston), the main character (Jim Sturgess) leans in to kiss her and she's surprised, taken back and declines. With that in mind (for some reason), I didn't want to just try the "lean in" at her door. Not sure I like that technique (a la Hitch) nor did I want to put her in that position (per se). So I went for courage instead. Not sure where I found the courage. I just sort of blurted it out when we had nothing left to say to each other.
But it worked. It was weird and brave, and unusual I think, but it worked. She knows I can be very random. Around her, I tend to be wry and witty and observationally random. Sometimes she chimes in, sometimes she laughs.
The signs. We were chatting a little outside her building while it very lightly drizzled (a bit more than misting). She didn't make a quick move to go in. She paused, first to talk and then at the brief pause that I jumped on. Had her keys in hand. But paused. Not sure what she was expecting me to do, if anything. Maybe.. well, maybe she was consciously or unconsciously creating an opportunity for me, e.g., for a "lean in" or for something akin to what I said? But she was visibly surprised. Hmmm.
The lead up was me driving us back to her apt. I did a u-turn and pulled up at the curb in front of her door (maybe 10' from her door). I said that I'd walk her to her door and turned off the car. (She made some comment about getting mugged or such in the distance from the car to her door.) She must have known that I would "try" something. Maybe that was why she paused? Not expecting me to do what I did exactly, but knew I would do something?
I'm in like at the moment. Not obsessing. Not imagining. One interesting point is that her location is very fluid. Come July, she's moving to MA for a production. Thereafter her whereabouts are currently unknown. She has choices, including Indiana and Stamford, so she may or may not come back to the area. Undecided as yet. She's been very up front about that and the fact that she moves around a lot, from theatre to theatre, show to show. The Stamford gig was relatively longer, lasting about a year. Me, I'm just taking this as it goes. We'll see what happens in the future, but I'm not worrying about it yet.
Was questioning whether to post this publicly or leave as a draft (such that it would be unavailable to the public but I could read it). Decided to post publicly. Will not remain as the top post on the page. I think the above comments are interesting and lay out more context for things. Not terribly dangerous. Private but not inherently so and not really telling of much beyond my impressions. If things progress further, you can expect such to not be detailed here.
It was very lightly drizzling out. Around 12:20 am-ish. The world collapsed to the moment. Lasted around 15-30 sec. or so? (Not that brief.) After, looked at each other and said "goodnight."
When I said what I did, she was taken completely off guard. Surprise evident on her face. Closely (only a second or two?) followed by a "yes," after which we approached each other.
In 21, there's a scene where, sitting next to Kate Bosworth on the subway (Boston), the main character (Jim Sturgess) leans in to kiss her and she's surprised, taken back and declines. With that in mind (for some reason), I didn't want to just try the "lean in" at her door. Not sure I like that technique (a la Hitch) nor did I want to put her in that position (per se). So I went for courage instead. Not sure where I found the courage. I just sort of blurted it out when we had nothing left to say to each other.
But it worked. It was weird and brave, and unusual I think, but it worked. She knows I can be very random. Around her, I tend to be wry and witty and observationally random. Sometimes she chimes in, sometimes she laughs.
The signs. We were chatting a little outside her building while it very lightly drizzled (a bit more than misting). She didn't make a quick move to go in. She paused, first to talk and then at the brief pause that I jumped on. Had her keys in hand. But paused. Not sure what she was expecting me to do, if anything. Maybe.. well, maybe she was consciously or unconsciously creating an opportunity for me, e.g., for a "lean in" or for something akin to what I said? But she was visibly surprised. Hmmm.
The lead up was me driving us back to her apt. I did a u-turn and pulled up at the curb in front of her door (maybe 10' from her door). I said that I'd walk her to her door and turned off the car. (She made some comment about getting mugged or such in the distance from the car to her door.) She must have known that I would "try" something. Maybe that was why she paused? Not expecting me to do what I did exactly, but knew I would do something?
I'm in like at the moment. Not obsessing. Not imagining. One interesting point is that her location is very fluid. Come July, she's moving to MA for a production. Thereafter her whereabouts are currently unknown. She has choices, including Indiana and Stamford, so she may or may not come back to the area. Undecided as yet. She's been very up front about that and the fact that she moves around a lot, from theatre to theatre, show to show. The Stamford gig was relatively longer, lasting about a year. Me, I'm just taking this as it goes. We'll see what happens in the future, but I'm not worrying about it yet.
Was questioning whether to post this publicly or leave as a draft (such that it would be unavailable to the public but I could read it). Decided to post publicly. Will not remain as the top post on the page. I think the above comments are interesting and lay out more context for things. Not terribly dangerous. Private but not inherently so and not really telling of much beyond my impressions. If things progress further, you can expect such to not be detailed here.
Woot!
Met up with boardgame.girl tonight. Food + much conversation followed by a movie (21). Afterwards, dro--oh Hell, we kissed! (Yay!) At her door (walked her to it), after some chatting. I was all suave with "So is this the part where I get to kiss you?" Caught her off guard (completely), but I was confident I was reading the signs correctly (thank you Hitch). She said "yes" and then we kissed. A goodnight kiss but not a peck. Not nothing but something.
She's going to call me tomorrow night when she's done with her meeting. Tentative plan to meet up for boardgames.
I really need to watch expenditures with her, though. She says and is a starving artist. I covered most of tonight's expenses (food, drinks at movie theater) and let her get the tickets (she offered), but I realized afterwards comparatively how much that cost her. That was why I offered boardgames for tomorrow - no expense. Can't go out every time. Fortunately we can play games.
And kiss! Incidentally, that would be my first kiss in.. over 4 years? Yeah.
Oh, in our dinner conversation I told her that I live at home and why. It felt like the right time and I wanted her to know that before anything happened. Friends have told me to get the girl to fall for me before I tell her and, well, I think this was pretty close to that.
Is it a bit sad that I'm blogging this before I go to sleep? Don't answer that.
Yay! And that's all I have to say about that.
She's going to call me tomorrow night when she's done with her meeting. Tentative plan to meet up for boardgames.
I really need to watch expenditures with her, though. She says and is a starving artist. I covered most of tonight's expenses (food, drinks at movie theater) and let her get the tickets (she offered), but I realized afterwards comparatively how much that cost her. That was why I offered boardgames for tomorrow - no expense. Can't go out every time. Fortunately we can play games.
And kiss! Incidentally, that would be my first kiss in.. over 4 years? Yeah.
Oh, in our dinner conversation I told her that I live at home and why. It felt like the right time and I wanted her to know that before anything happened. Friends have told me to get the girl to fall for me before I tell her and, well, I think this was pretty close to that.
Is it a bit sad that I'm blogging this before I go to sleep? Don't answer that.
Yay! And that's all I have to say about that.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Long Weekend
Had a fun weekend chock full of board games.
[Incidentally, and ostensibly, as per the wonderful world of Google, the word(s) "board game" are not, in fact, usable as "boardgame," contrary to my usage to date. Mildly annoying since, in my exceedingly humble opinion, the word(s) "boardgame"/"board game" could be interpreted as a compound word or as an adjective and noun. I think I shall retain my usage in the face of... ummm... idiocy?]
Friday, I hit ConnCon and played until 1:30am. Taught Glory to Rome to one player that afternoon. I was back on Saturday at 11am and played 'til 1:30am, talking with the ConnectiCon guy until 2:30am. Back on Sunday at 10:30am, played until 7pm (with +1 hour break for the closing ceremony).
Afterwards on Sunday, I hung out with boardgame.girl at her apartment. We played 2 games and spent about an hour just talking. Made plans to meet up tonight and tomorrow night.
Before this weekend, my week looked fairly clear with only my weekly Wednesday RPG. Now, I'm seeing boardgame.girl on Monday and Tuesday and I was invited to a smaller Thursday boardgame group. Busy, busy, busy.
On top of that, I didn't feel too well this morning. Only 5.5-6 hours of sleep each night for the past 3 nights plus questionable and intermittent eating this weekend. I suspect I'll be fine once I have some real-ish food in me (i.e., after lunch, I hope). [After lunch, I do feel a bit better. Still tired and yawning, but better.]
I'm looking forward to tonight. We're planning on getting some food. Beyond that, could be more games, could be a movie, who knows! I'm getting a good vibe from her. It seems like we both like hanging out together – playing games and talking. She laughs at my jokes, I laugh at hers, etc.
My problem now, at this juncture, is what to do next. I hate all the metagaming and how slow these things go, but then I inevitably screw it up in some fashion, even if only by underestimating how fast I should go. Which invariably leads to me questioning my instincts and/or the questions themselves. The ensuing self-doubt and lack of confidence reinforces all of the previous. It's a vicious cycle that's taken years to perfect and, in fact, constitutes a metagame within the metagame.
Don't ask me to even attempt an explanation/translation of that last sentence.
So I suppose we'll see what happens. How I feel, how she acts, what we do, what transpires, the metagame within the metagame. I'm game.
Hmmm. I wonder if I'm misinterpreting her body language and nonverbal signals. Or perhaps I'm not. Is there a "good" way to decisively learn? I keep forgetting to try some mirroring, though I suspect I do some unconsciously, regardless. Man, I stink at this, largely due to inexperience, I think.
In any case, further updates as events warrant.
[Incidentally, and ostensibly, as per the wonderful world of Google, the word(s) "board game" are not, in fact, usable as "boardgame," contrary to my usage to date. Mildly annoying since, in my exceedingly humble opinion, the word(s) "boardgame"/"board game" could be interpreted as a compound word or as an adjective and noun. I think I shall retain my usage in the face of... ummm... idiocy?]
Friday, I hit ConnCon and played until 1:30am. Taught Glory to Rome to one player that afternoon. I was back on Saturday at 11am and played 'til 1:30am, talking with the ConnectiCon guy until 2:30am. Back on Sunday at 10:30am, played until 7pm (with +1 hour break for the closing ceremony).
Afterwards on Sunday, I hung out with boardgame.girl at her apartment. We played 2 games and spent about an hour just talking. Made plans to meet up tonight and tomorrow night.
Before this weekend, my week looked fairly clear with only my weekly Wednesday RPG. Now, I'm seeing boardgame.girl on Monday and Tuesday and I was invited to a smaller Thursday boardgame group. Busy, busy, busy.
On top of that, I didn't feel too well this morning. Only 5.5-6 hours of sleep each night for the past 3 nights plus questionable and intermittent eating this weekend. I suspect I'll be fine once I have some real-ish food in me (i.e., after lunch, I hope). [After lunch, I do feel a bit better. Still tired and yawning, but better.]
I'm looking forward to tonight. We're planning on getting some food. Beyond that, could be more games, could be a movie, who knows! I'm getting a good vibe from her. It seems like we both like hanging out together – playing games and talking. She laughs at my jokes, I laugh at hers, etc.
My problem now, at this juncture, is what to do next. I hate all the metagaming and how slow these things go, but then I inevitably screw it up in some fashion, even if only by underestimating how fast I should go. Which invariably leads to me questioning my instincts and/or the questions themselves. The ensuing self-doubt and lack of confidence reinforces all of the previous. It's a vicious cycle that's taken years to perfect and, in fact, constitutes a metagame within the metagame.
Don't ask me to even attempt an explanation/translation of that last sentence.
So I suppose we'll see what happens. How I feel, how she acts, what we do, what transpires, the metagame within the metagame. I'm game.
Hmmm. I wonder if I'm misinterpreting her body language and nonverbal signals. Or perhaps I'm not. Is there a "good" way to decisively learn? I keep forgetting to try some mirroring, though I suspect I do some unconsciously, regardless. Man, I stink at this, largely due to inexperience, I think.
In any case, further updates as events warrant.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Friday Woots
I am in a good mood today!
Leaving work a little early for ConnCon. Teaching one game, playing others. Boardgame.girl will be there later on.
Got a decent night sleep and feel somewhat better for it. (Wednesday night was relatively late, on top of Thursday's non-earliness.)
Heck, I even said "Have a nice day." to the cute girl who works on my floor. (Occasionally see her around, never said anything to her. She looks Russian/Eastern European and has an accent.)
Nothing super-critical is due today at work (afaik).
I may have a slight overdose of caffeine right now (I get twitchy and my hands shake a bit), but I'm sure lunch will fix that (food or non-coffee drink usually does).
I'm really in a good mood. Let's see if it lasts.
Leaving work a little early for ConnCon. Teaching one game, playing others. Boardgame.girl will be there later on.
Got a decent night sleep and feel somewhat better for it. (Wednesday night was relatively late, on top of Thursday's non-earliness.)
Heck, I even said "Have a nice day." to the cute girl who works on my floor. (Occasionally see her around, never said anything to her. She looks Russian/Eastern European and has an accent.)
Nothing super-critical is due today at work (afaik).
I may have a slight overdose of caffeine right now (I get twitchy and my hands shake a bit), but I'm sure lunch will fix that (food or non-coffee drink usually does).
I'm really in a good mood. Let's see if it lasts.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday
Hung out with some law school friends at an annual Holy Saturday fest that a family has. I could explain that better but I won't. Had a great time. Always fun to see friends. Afterwards, went to Greenwich and hung out with some of them a bit more.
It's a little funny. I don't hang out with any of them on a regular basis - 2 couples because they live a distance from the area. 1 couple, well, there's no good reason since they only live about 25 min. away from me. Have to try and meet up with them in a week or two.
Side note - J recommended that I ask boardgame.girl out bowling rather than to dinner. Sounds like good advice to me. More casual, more relaxed, more in line with the boardgame playing to date. I think I'll take his advice and try it.
Most/all business are closed today. I'm at work right now, hoping to get 1 item done. At least I have some frozen meals here. No one else is here. I like coming in to work on Christian holidays.
It's a small pet peeve of mine that the U.S. celebrates some Christian holidays as national holidays, but no holidays of other religions or faiths. I realize some of that is because there are so many Christians that the business would effectively be closed anyways, but it just doesn't feel right to me, and certainly doesn't feel like a separation of church & state. (For a broad reading of the term, perhaps.)
In any case, I like coming into work on Dec. 24 or such. I feel empowered. Plus, I feel like it helps balance for the occasional day I take for a Jewish holiday. I don't take them often, and most of the time it's more like a Saturday/Sunday that I don't come into work for, but it's a working theory.
Well, time for me to eat or work or do something else.
It's a little funny. I don't hang out with any of them on a regular basis - 2 couples because they live a distance from the area. 1 couple, well, there's no good reason since they only live about 25 min. away from me. Have to try and meet up with them in a week or two.
Side note - J recommended that I ask boardgame.girl out bowling rather than to dinner. Sounds like good advice to me. More casual, more relaxed, more in line with the boardgame playing to date. I think I'll take his advice and try it.
Most/all business are closed today. I'm at work right now, hoping to get 1 item done. At least I have some frozen meals here. No one else is here. I like coming in to work on Christian holidays.
It's a small pet peeve of mine that the U.S. celebrates some Christian holidays as national holidays, but no holidays of other religions or faiths. I realize some of that is because there are so many Christians that the business would effectively be closed anyways, but it just doesn't feel right to me, and certainly doesn't feel like a separation of church & state. (For a broad reading of the term, perhaps.)
In any case, I like coming into work on Dec. 24 or such. I feel empowered. Plus, I feel like it helps balance for the occasional day I take for a Jewish holiday. I don't take them often, and most of the time it's more like a Saturday/Sunday that I don't come into work for, but it's a working theory.
Well, time for me to eat or work or do something else.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Last Night
..was a late night.
Met up with boardgame.girl about 10:45 at a localish coffee place. We played 2 games there, until midnight when it closed. I followed her to her apartment, where we resumed boardgame playing. In total, 3 games of Race, 1 Blue Moon City, 1/3 Galaxy Trucker and 1 Glory to Rome. I left at 4:45am. Like I said, a late night.
T'was a lot of fun! The part I particularly enjoyed was when we stopped playing Galaxy Trucker in the middle. I'd finished explaining the rules (took longer than I expected) when, for some reason, we didn't start playing. Instead, we got to talking - about books/authors, movies, theatre, etc. Learned a bit about each other. That part, which lasted quite a while, felt like a relaxed date. We share the same taste in books and movies, though she's more well-read than I am and I'm more well-watched (movie-wise, probably TV-wise too) than she is. It's fairly well balanced. We have many similar interests, similar tastes. It was pretty cool.
The only downside, and it's a minor one barring repetition, was that she kept receiving and answering texts on her phone. I haven't seen her do that at a boardgame meetup and she professed it was very unusual for her, so a minor thing.
I can also sense a small rift based on income. She's a starving artist, I'm a patent agent. I'll have to watch that - if/when we do go out, I'll have to try not to wine & dine too much. Make it more occasional, more low key. Ditto on purchases, or at least on relating all my procurements (which are more numerous than they should be). More and more, this is making me think that I have it really good with my job and income, much more so than I appreciate.
Quick note. This location seems to be more of a temporary gig for her. She tends to move around a lot, from theatre to theatre, as she has shows to do. This summer, she's going to be in MA. This upcoming week, she's on Long Island. Her current show in Fairfield County is ending at the end of March, which means she'll have more free time coming up, at least in early April (rehearsal schedule instead of show schedule - means free nights instead of free days). This also means I won't see her again until next Friday, boardgaming at ConnCon.
So my current "plan" (as it were) is to send her an e-mail about what movies she'd like to borrow from me and plan on seeing her on Friday night. At that time, ask her if she's coming back to the Con on Sat. or Sun. When I do see her that last day/night (or maybe before), ask her if she'd like to go out for dinner some night in the first week of April (possibly stating "on me" or "my treat" or such). I don't have a restaurant in mind, maybe I'll think about possibilities this week, have some options going in. Hopefully she says yes and we go from there.
Incidentally, haven't told her yet about my living situation. That will come, at some point.
I know what I'm about to write next doesn't really mean anything because until she says yes to a real date there's no hard evidence, but I'm going to write it anyways. Why? Maybe because I'm hopeful. Maybe because I like to remain optimistic. Maybe because.. I really don't know for sure and I want to grasp and hold onto any shreds of alleged evidence, real or imagined. Besides, it keeps with my regular pattern for how these things go.
Good signs: Exchanging phone numbers. Agreeing to meet up (just us) for boardgaming. Meeting up for boardgaming rather spontaneously. Going to her apartment at midnight to continue the games. Talking for a bit without boardgaming. Similar interests and tastes, including sense of humor.
So we'll see what happens. Stay tuned, intrepid readers, when next week we discover if she'll *gasp* go out on a date with me! (Keep your fingers crossed!)
Met up with boardgame.girl about 10:45 at a localish coffee place. We played 2 games there, until midnight when it closed. I followed her to her apartment, where we resumed boardgame playing. In total, 3 games of Race, 1 Blue Moon City, 1/3 Galaxy Trucker and 1 Glory to Rome. I left at 4:45am. Like I said, a late night.
T'was a lot of fun! The part I particularly enjoyed was when we stopped playing Galaxy Trucker in the middle. I'd finished explaining the rules (took longer than I expected) when, for some reason, we didn't start playing. Instead, we got to talking - about books/authors, movies, theatre, etc. Learned a bit about each other. That part, which lasted quite a while, felt like a relaxed date. We share the same taste in books and movies, though she's more well-read than I am and I'm more well-watched (movie-wise, probably TV-wise too) than she is. It's fairly well balanced. We have many similar interests, similar tastes. It was pretty cool.
The only downside, and it's a minor one barring repetition, was that she kept receiving and answering texts on her phone. I haven't seen her do that at a boardgame meetup and she professed it was very unusual for her, so a minor thing.
I can also sense a small rift based on income. She's a starving artist, I'm a patent agent. I'll have to watch that - if/when we do go out, I'll have to try not to wine & dine too much. Make it more occasional, more low key. Ditto on purchases, or at least on relating all my procurements (which are more numerous than they should be). More and more, this is making me think that I have it really good with my job and income, much more so than I appreciate.
Quick note. This location seems to be more of a temporary gig for her. She tends to move around a lot, from theatre to theatre, as she has shows to do. This summer, she's going to be in MA. This upcoming week, she's on Long Island. Her current show in Fairfield County is ending at the end of March, which means she'll have more free time coming up, at least in early April (rehearsal schedule instead of show schedule - means free nights instead of free days). This also means I won't see her again until next Friday, boardgaming at ConnCon.
So my current "plan" (as it were) is to send her an e-mail about what movies she'd like to borrow from me and plan on seeing her on Friday night. At that time, ask her if she's coming back to the Con on Sat. or Sun. When I do see her that last day/night (or maybe before), ask her if she'd like to go out for dinner some night in the first week of April (possibly stating "on me" or "my treat" or such). I don't have a restaurant in mind, maybe I'll think about possibilities this week, have some options going in. Hopefully she says yes and we go from there.
Incidentally, haven't told her yet about my living situation. That will come, at some point.
I know what I'm about to write next doesn't really mean anything because until she says yes to a real date there's no hard evidence, but I'm going to write it anyways. Why? Maybe because I'm hopeful. Maybe because I like to remain optimistic. Maybe because.. I really don't know for sure and I want to grasp and hold onto any shreds of alleged evidence, real or imagined. Besides, it keeps with my regular pattern for how these things go.
Good signs: Exchanging phone numbers. Agreeing to meet up (just us) for boardgaming. Meeting up for boardgaming rather spontaneously. Going to her apartment at midnight to continue the games. Talking for a bit without boardgaming. Similar interests and tastes, including sense of humor.
So we'll see what happens. Stay tuned, intrepid readers, when next week we discover if she'll *gasp* go out on a date with me! (Keep your fingers crossed!)
Friday, March 21, 2008
This Week In Brief
Work this week: Monday, good. Tuesday, better. Wednesday, less good. Thursday, less good. Friday, very less good.
I suppose I could have written "worse" rather than "less good." Pfft.
So tonight is a coffee place meet with boardgame.girl, the idea being that we're meeting up to play a boardgame of choice (Race for the Galaxy!). At worst, we meet up and play the game. At best, we meet up and don't play the game.
Be thankful – I rewrote the previous sentence to eliminate unnecessary innuendo and prevent confusion. I had originally written: "At best, we meet up and play the game."
I have no idea how this is going to play out.
Incidentally, and somewhat amusingly, when e-mailing her I had to use my real, quasi-official Gmail address (the one on my resume). This is because the e-mail address I regularly use for communicating with friends is somewhat unique. I think all search results for it (at least for Google) lead to me. It's not that the search results are bad or such, but rather that they can lead to this blog, a dating website profile, message board posts, etc. ("Things I don't want her to be able to easily locate just yet.")
A few minutes ago, my boss came into my office inquiring about an action. Fortunately it's one that I've actually been diligent on. *Whew!* Another bullet dodged.
So my head is clearly random and unfocused today.
This weekend! Meeting up with law school friends Saturday for Holy Saturday party (an annual event for JB's parents/family). Yay! Haven't seen them in about 6 months. Sunday, may go up to Hartford to meet up with movie.girl. Need to call her again about rescheduling from Saturday. If it happens (likely?), we'll catch Spiderwick Chronicles on Imax.
Last night I met my mom's boyfriend. He... is a bit older than I anticipated. I mean, I know how old my mom is (and she's no [something that is very youthful]), but the guy has all gray hair and.. looks old. I didn't talk with him or any such. They got back home about the time I was going to go upstairs to bed (literally at that time – had I gone up 5 min. earlier...), so I said goodnight and went up. Felt a bit weird. Another reminder that I need to move out, perhaps?
I've been putting off the moving out bit until I settle down more with work. Clearly work is still a concern and hasn't improved as much as it needs to. I'm not in the fire (yet), but I may easily be there (again) in the very near future. I also have my appointment in early April, though it will be at least a few weeks before anything comes of it (if, indeed, anything does).
Wednesday night this week, instead of our VtR RPG session, we helped playtest a game expansion with the designers. Very fun! I hope I'll get a chance to play more of it.
Next week should be fun. ConnCon is Thursday-Sunday and I'll be there boardgaming at least on Friday-Sunday. The Wednesday RPG group may be the VtR campaign or more playtesting. Who knows? Those events do mean that I should be working my arse off on Monday & Tuesday. I'm planning on taking a semi-half day on Friday to go to the con. I believe boardgame.girl will be at the con at some point (though with her crazy schedule, who knows when).
I think that's everything. Hopefully this afternoon will be much more productive than this morning. Hopefully tonight will be fun and enlightening. If anything interesting happens this weekend, I'll likely post about it at some point. Cheers & Happy Easter!
BONUS ITEM: Just glanced at my work e-mail inbox. We (the associates) have a 30 min. meeting this afternoon with the junior partner to discuss our workload. We're to bring a list of what we have that's overdue. That is *so* not good for me.
ADDENDUM: Apologetically canceled the weekend plans with movie.girl. I really need to get some things done at work. She was weird on the phone - uncharacteristically quiet and short. Have to call her next week.
Was a chance of a last minute gaming session with others tonight. Not enough takers.
May try to grab a nap before tonight's main event. I know I'm going to be a bit tired, but naps rarely re-energize me. Ah well, worth a shot. Besides, we'll be at a coffee place. Wish me luck! [7:05 PM]
I suppose I could have written "worse" rather than "less good." Pfft.
So tonight is a coffee place meet with boardgame.girl, the idea being that we're meeting up to play a boardgame of choice (Race for the Galaxy!). At worst, we meet up and play the game. At best, we meet up and don't play the game.
Be thankful – I rewrote the previous sentence to eliminate unnecessary innuendo and prevent confusion. I had originally written: "At best, we meet up and play the game."
I have no idea how this is going to play out.
Incidentally, and somewhat amusingly, when e-mailing her I had to use my real, quasi-official Gmail address (the one on my resume). This is because the e-mail address I regularly use for communicating with friends is somewhat unique. I think all search results for it (at least for Google) lead to me. It's not that the search results are bad or such, but rather that they can lead to this blog, a dating website profile, message board posts, etc. ("Things I don't want her to be able to easily locate just yet.")
A few minutes ago, my boss came into my office inquiring about an action. Fortunately it's one that I've actually been diligent on. *Whew!* Another bullet dodged.
So my head is clearly random and unfocused today.
This weekend! Meeting up with law school friends Saturday for Holy Saturday party (an annual event for JB's parents/family). Yay! Haven't seen them in about 6 months. Sunday, may go up to Hartford to meet up with movie.girl. Need to call her again about rescheduling from Saturday. If it happens (likely?), we'll catch Spiderwick Chronicles on Imax.
Last night I met my mom's boyfriend. He... is a bit older than I anticipated. I mean, I know how old my mom is (and she's no [something that is very youthful]), but the guy has all gray hair and.. looks old. I didn't talk with him or any such. They got back home about the time I was going to go upstairs to bed (literally at that time – had I gone up 5 min. earlier...), so I said goodnight and went up. Felt a bit weird. Another reminder that I need to move out, perhaps?
I've been putting off the moving out bit until I settle down more with work. Clearly work is still a concern and hasn't improved as much as it needs to. I'm not in the fire (yet), but I may easily be there (again) in the very near future. I also have my appointment in early April, though it will be at least a few weeks before anything comes of it (if, indeed, anything does).
Wednesday night this week, instead of our VtR RPG session, we helped playtest a game expansion with the designers. Very fun! I hope I'll get a chance to play more of it.
Next week should be fun. ConnCon is Thursday-Sunday and I'll be there boardgaming at least on Friday-Sunday. The Wednesday RPG group may be the VtR campaign or more playtesting. Who knows? Those events do mean that I should be working my arse off on Monday & Tuesday. I'm planning on taking a semi-half day on Friday to go to the con. I believe boardgame.girl will be at the con at some point (though with her crazy schedule, who knows when).
I think that's everything. Hopefully this afternoon will be much more productive than this morning. Hopefully tonight will be fun and enlightening. If anything interesting happens this weekend, I'll likely post about it at some point. Cheers & Happy Easter!
BONUS ITEM: Just glanced at my work e-mail inbox. We (the associates) have a 30 min. meeting this afternoon with the junior partner to discuss our workload. We're to bring a list of what we have that's overdue. That is *so* not good for me.
ADDENDUM: Apologetically canceled the weekend plans with movie.girl. I really need to get some things done at work. She was weird on the phone - uncharacteristically quiet and short. Have to call her next week.
Was a chance of a last minute gaming session with others tonight. Not enough takers.
May try to grab a nap before tonight's main event. I know I'm going to be a bit tired, but naps rarely re-energize me. Ah well, worth a shot. Besides, we'll be at a coffee place. Wish me luck! [7:05 PM]
Thursday, March 20, 2008
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
So tonight I'm meeting up with boardgame.girl for some boardgaming. Rather spontaneous as I'd called her to see if we could meet up on Monday (which is negative due to a forgotten show/commitment for her). Not sure where we'll be meeting up, she has a show tonight but is done around 10pm. I doubt there are any good places to meet at that time of night. However, she offered her apartment/house if need be (she has a roommate). I'll be getting a call back after she asks a friend about local places.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Mind running in circles. Race, race, race. Run, run, run. What if, what if. Race, race, race. Stop. Pause. Breathe. Race, race, race.
*stop*
Calm. Calm. Relax. CALM. Pause. Slow down. Calm.
*breathe*
Better. So, ummm... yeah. Okay then. First non-group meeting, admittedly for gaming. I suppose we shall see what we shall see.
ADDENDUM: Spoke with her around 5:45. We're meeting up tomorrow (Friday) instead of today. She had her days mixed up. (Friday is better for me.) That is all. (Except for the AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.) Oh yeah, we're probably going to meet up at some quiet bar or other. Not sure if gaming is still the major goal in view of the venue. Will see when I get her e-mail tomorrow. (7:34 PM)
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Mind running in circles. Race, race, race. Run, run, run. What if, what if. Race, race, race. Stop. Pause. Breathe. Race, race, race.
*stop*
Calm. Calm. Relax. CALM. Pause. Slow down. Calm.
*breathe*
Better. So, ummm... yeah. Okay then. First non-group meeting, admittedly for gaming. I suppose we shall see what we shall see.
ADDENDUM: Spoke with her around 5:45. We're meeting up tomorrow (Friday) instead of today. She had her days mixed up. (Friday is better for me.) That is all. (Except for the AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.) Oh yeah, we're probably going to meet up at some quiet bar or other. Not sure if gaming is still the major goal in view of the venue. Will see when I get her e-mail tomorrow. (7:34 PM)
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Another Friday, Another Week
Another fun-filled Friday of boardgaming. Played lots of games. When boardgamer.girl showed up, I made sure to play games with her. Spent the rest of the nice playing Race, with her at first then with others too. In the end, I asked her if she wanted to meet up to play some games (Race) and we exchanged phone numbers. Her schedule is mildly insane (theatre) so it's unlikely we'll meet up before the 24th. I'm kinda hopeful. Wonder if I shouldn't ask her out-out after/when we do meet up. Hafta see. All the same, phone number is a good step.
For work, this week was.. not so good. Didn't accomplish nearly enough. Slipping again into a bad way. Need to dig myself out before I'm fired. I don't think I realize how good I have it.
Time for sleep. This weekend is hopefully laundry + clean playroom + see movie (Doomsday? The Bank Job?) + go into work (Sunday) and be productive. G'night all!
For work, this week was.. not so good. Didn't accomplish nearly enough. Slipping again into a bad way. Need to dig myself out before I'm fired. I don't think I realize how good I have it.
Time for sleep. This weekend is hopefully laundry + clean playroom + see movie (Doomsday? The Bank Job?) + go into work (Sunday) and be productive. G'night all!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
More Random Thoughts
Played two boardgames tonight. Fun fun!
Had a semi-random thought on the way home. One problem I have with liking a girl (i.e., asking her out, etc.) is that I'm not entirely confident that I like her for being her versus liking the idea of liking her. It's a little confusing but bear with me.
I've been single for the vast majority of my life. Most of the time I wish I was dating someone/in a relationship. My last girlfriend (2nd year of law school), well, I wasn't actually attracted to her. (I found that out a little too late.) In addition, none of the girls I've dated have been lookers - I'm also generally attracted to a few/some non-lookers. So, in view of all that, I'm often not confident that my attraction is to the person vs. the idea of the person, the idea that it's someone I could potentially date.
I bet most people don't think like that.
So even before I ever ask the girl out, I'm doubting my motivation and rationale for wanting to do so. Yes, that's self-defeating. No, I don't know where I picked it up.
ANYWAYS, I think I'll try asking boardgame.girl out for coffee (or gaming) on Friday night (assuming I find the opportunity to do so in relative not-so-publicness). Why not, eh?
Had a semi-random thought on the way home. One problem I have with liking a girl (i.e., asking her out, etc.) is that I'm not entirely confident that I like her for being her versus liking the idea of liking her. It's a little confusing but bear with me.
I've been single for the vast majority of my life. Most of the time I wish I was dating someone/in a relationship. My last girlfriend (2nd year of law school), well, I wasn't actually attracted to her. (I found that out a little too late.) In addition, none of the girls I've dated have been lookers - I'm also generally attracted to a few/some non-lookers. So, in view of all that, I'm often not confident that my attraction is to the person vs. the idea of the person, the idea that it's someone I could potentially date.
I bet most people don't think like that.
So even before I ever ask the girl out, I'm doubting my motivation and rationale for wanting to do so. Yes, that's self-defeating. No, I don't know where I picked it up.
ANYWAYS, I think I'll try asking boardgame.girl out for coffee (or gaming) on Friday night (assuming I find the opportunity to do so in relative not-so-publicness). Why not, eh?
Sunday, March 09, 2008
A Fun Weekend
Had a nice relaxing weekend this time.
Friday night, played boardgames at a friend's house. Finally got to try out Tannhauser, one of mine that I've been itching to play. Not a terribly late night, only 11:30pm or so.
Saturday, all-day boardgaming at University of New Haven. Played 7 games and had an awesome time! Also got to play another unplayed one of mine, Khronos. Also got to apologize for it due to the finickyness in the learning. All told, spent about 12 hours gaming. Good stuff.
Sunday, lazy day. Saw Jumper in the theater. (Ugh.) Otherwise, relaxed and started catching up on a few things (including this post).
On Saturday, saw the girl I mentioned in Monday's post. Will nickname her "boardgame.girl" for now (keeping in theme with movie.girl and gamer.girl - the actuary's fiancé). I.. Yeah, I sorta chickened out. Probably could have asked her if she wanted to get some coffee (or meet up to play a game or two) but I didn't.
I was thinking today, I have 2.5 reasons why I didn't. (1) I'm scared shitless. (2) I've only met her twice now (known her 1 week). (2.5) I don't want to drive her away from the boardgame group(s). Incidentally, that's also the order/priority for them.
And yet.. She laughed at all the stupid, little things I joked about and I mean all (at least a few times, she laughed and no one else did or we'd look at each other and just start laughing for a no good reason). I played 3 of my 7 games with her (or vice versa, whatever). She's a nice person and I have the distinct impression (notion? idea? guess?) that we have things in common, at least sense of humor and favorite games. *shrug* She's also into theatre (and I am, somewhat).
Anyways. She'll be at this upcoming Friday's boardgame group. Maybe I'll have the cojones to ask her out to coffee. Haha. Hah. Ha? Maybe? Man, I stink at this.
Ugh.
Anyways. Oh yeah, my mom is off having dinner with her.. ummm.. friend. I can't bring myself to say "boyfriend." *shudder* I haven't Googled him yet or done any research on him. I call that.. either imprudent or.. being good. I haven't decided yet. I did do "research" on boardgame.girl, btw. I also Googled myself to see if this blog came up. Thank goodness, no. Only certain searches will get here. There are some much more famous people out there with the same name as me. Yay. (One works or worked at NASA!)
Also btw, this past week wasn't so hot for work. I got my stuff done, but I didn't get enough billables in. Bad of me. I really need to fix that but my head is getting messed up again (and I can't cite a cause/source, just is). Need to try harder or some such. One month to head appointment.
Cheers & Happy Daylight Savings!
Friday night, played boardgames at a friend's house. Finally got to try out Tannhauser, one of mine that I've been itching to play. Not a terribly late night, only 11:30pm or so.
Saturday, all-day boardgaming at University of New Haven. Played 7 games and had an awesome time! Also got to play another unplayed one of mine, Khronos. Also got to apologize for it due to the finickyness in the learning. All told, spent about 12 hours gaming. Good stuff.
Sunday, lazy day. Saw Jumper in the theater. (Ugh.) Otherwise, relaxed and started catching up on a few things (including this post).
On Saturday, saw the girl I mentioned in Monday's post. Will nickname her "boardgame.girl" for now (keeping in theme with movie.girl and gamer.girl - the actuary's fiancé). I.. Yeah, I sorta chickened out. Probably could have asked her if she wanted to get some coffee (or meet up to play a game or two) but I didn't.
I was thinking today, I have 2.5 reasons why I didn't. (1) I'm scared shitless. (2) I've only met her twice now (known her 1 week). (2.5) I don't want to drive her away from the boardgame group(s). Incidentally, that's also the order/priority for them.
And yet.. She laughed at all the stupid, little things I joked about and I mean all (at least a few times, she laughed and no one else did or we'd look at each other and just start laughing for a no good reason). I played 3 of my 7 games with her (or vice versa, whatever). She's a nice person and I have the distinct impression (notion? idea? guess?) that we have things in common, at least sense of humor and favorite games. *shrug* She's also into theatre (and I am, somewhat).
Anyways. She'll be at this upcoming Friday's boardgame group. Maybe I'll have the cojones to ask her out to coffee. Haha. Hah. Ha? Maybe? Man, I stink at this.
Ugh.
Anyways. Oh yeah, my mom is off having dinner with her.. ummm.. friend. I can't bring myself to say "boyfriend." *shudder* I haven't Googled him yet or done any research on him. I call that.. either imprudent or.. being good. I haven't decided yet. I did do "research" on boardgame.girl, btw. I also Googled myself to see if this blog came up. Thank goodness, no. Only certain searches will get here. There are some much more famous people out there with the same name as me. Yay. (One works or worked at NASA!)
Also btw, this past week wasn't so hot for work. I got my stuff done, but I didn't get enough billables in. Bad of me. I really need to fix that but my head is getting messed up again (and I can't cite a cause/source, just is). Need to try harder or some such. One month to head appointment.
Cheers & Happy Daylight Savings!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
A Tuesday
Yesterday, my boss came into my office (as he often does, once a day) to check on my docket printout for the day. He mentioned a few items, and I had good answers for all of them. That felt good.
Today, same thing, only the single item on my docket is an overdue office action. My response: "I've got office actions up the wazoo. I'm working on it." Yeah, not nearly as good an answer.
Today, my attention span feels stunted again. Slow to begin work, hard to stay focused. I'll easily hit 5 billables, but I really need to be hitting 7+. Not good.
Some days it just feels like hitting 7 is very difficult for me. I don't know why. I've wasted at least 1:30 today unnecessarily, getting sidetracked and such. So not good. I had a brief period of good focus, but now--POOF!
Part of it may be my sleep habits? I need to get more sleep at nights. Lately I've been living on 6 hours. I keep thinking I'll go to bed at 10pm, but it hasn't happened yet.
Well, 5:50 today. I got 2 overdue office action drafts out so that's good. Not enough (ha ha), but good. I'd continue with more only it's 6:34pm, I'm a bit tired and my concentration is shot to shit.
Today at least, I hate my job. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Today, same thing, only the single item on my docket is an overdue office action. My response: "I've got office actions up the wazoo. I'm working on it." Yeah, not nearly as good an answer.
Today, my attention span feels stunted again. Slow to begin work, hard to stay focused. I'll easily hit 5 billables, but I really need to be hitting 7+. Not good.
Some days it just feels like hitting 7 is very difficult for me. I don't know why. I've wasted at least 1:30 today unnecessarily, getting sidetracked and such. So not good. I had a brief period of good focus, but now--POOF!
Part of it may be my sleep habits? I need to get more sleep at nights. Lately I've been living on 6 hours. I keep thinking I'll go to bed at 10pm, but it hasn't happened yet.
Well, 5:50 today. I got 2 overdue office action drafts out so that's good. Not enough (ha ha), but good. I'd continue with more only it's 6:34pm, I'm a bit tired and my concentration is shot to shit.
Today at least, I hate my job. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Just Another Manic Monday
Busy weekend.. sorta. I was out boardgaming Friday night and most of Saturday (1pm-1am). Tons o' fun.
Work is going.. okay. I did well last Monday-Wednesday. Thursday was a half day due to my regular doctor's appointment. Friday was.. pitiful, largely due to the partners treating us to lunch at Bertucci's. Sunday I got nothing done (ugh). And today wasn't too bad, 5.5 hours billed. Not amazing or even passable, but far from horrendous. I need to pick things up from Tuesday on if I'm going to make it.
This is a busy month for me weekend-wise. Lots of boardgaming on the horizon plus a chance to meet up with old law school friends, some who I haven't seen in 6 months. Time flies when you're working.
No contact with movie.girl yet but it's only been 1 week. I figure that at the worst I'll send her a birthday present in April and see what happens. Devious, I know.
I s'pose I'll say something here if for no other reason than I always, always fly off the handle about these things. There was a girl at the Friday night boardgaming who.. caught my eye. It's a little funny 'cause movie.girl has repeatedly asked if I meet any girls at these things and I always say no, that's not why I go. (And it isn't.) But there was a girl at one this weekend..
See, this is where my lack of socializing screams in my face. I go nutso crazy for no reason at all. My mind spins in a chaotic rush of nothing as the motor revs to the redline. I think that sentence had at least 3 metaphors in it. To wit: I am clueless about women. Always have been. Never had much practice or ability. I tend to get by on raw courage and fortuitous luck, and that's not saying much. I know I can be witty and charming, but can I date? I've never been able to satisfactorily answer that question (which means no).
See, it's one girl who I've only met once and already it's a.. a.. thing in my head, gnawing at my higher thought processes. I am so bad sometimes that it's amazing.
Another funny observation - she's not all that attractive (i.e., classically) but I know that I find her to be great. For no good reason, she reminds me a little of my college girlfriend. Hmmm. I don't see anything wrong with that per se because she also appears to be smart and witty. Ended up playing 3 games with her. She's a worthy adversary and a fun gamer.
And there's the added goal of not wanting to come off as creepy. It's not that I honestly have to try (to not be creepy, that is), but that I tend to see things from many perspectives. For example, I don't want to drive her from the boardgame meetup by an unwanted advance (i.e., if I did actually ask her out). That would just be wrong and could possibly end with some backlash for me (outside chance at best).
I know I'll probably see her again at these things. I managed to play it "cool" on Friday, so I'll likely just attempt the same in the future and not do anything. I rarely do anything. Probably just rely on luck and fortune to lead me wherever I'm going or not going.
Part of me wishes that this time, just this one time, I'd grow a pair and do what I should do. Too bad I really don't have a clue what this is or means. I don't. So I let the winds of fate buffet me around. Fate, she is a cruel mistress.
Work is going.. okay. I did well last Monday-Wednesday. Thursday was a half day due to my regular doctor's appointment. Friday was.. pitiful, largely due to the partners treating us to lunch at Bertucci's. Sunday I got nothing done (ugh). And today wasn't too bad, 5.5 hours billed. Not amazing or even passable, but far from horrendous. I need to pick things up from Tuesday on if I'm going to make it.
This is a busy month for me weekend-wise. Lots of boardgaming on the horizon plus a chance to meet up with old law school friends, some who I haven't seen in 6 months. Time flies when you're working.
No contact with movie.girl yet but it's only been 1 week. I figure that at the worst I'll send her a birthday present in April and see what happens. Devious, I know.
I s'pose I'll say something here if for no other reason than I always, always fly off the handle about these things. There was a girl at the Friday night boardgaming who.. caught my eye. It's a little funny 'cause movie.girl has repeatedly asked if I meet any girls at these things and I always say no, that's not why I go. (And it isn't.) But there was a girl at one this weekend..
See, this is where my lack of socializing screams in my face. I go nutso crazy for no reason at all. My mind spins in a chaotic rush of nothing as the motor revs to the redline. I think that sentence had at least 3 metaphors in it. To wit: I am clueless about women. Always have been. Never had much practice or ability. I tend to get by on raw courage and fortuitous luck, and that's not saying much. I know I can be witty and charming, but can I date? I've never been able to satisfactorily answer that question (which means no).
See, it's one girl who I've only met once and already it's a.. a.. thing in my head, gnawing at my higher thought processes. I am so bad sometimes that it's amazing.
Another funny observation - she's not all that attractive (i.e., classically) but I know that I find her to be great. For no good reason, she reminds me a little of my college girlfriend. Hmmm. I don't see anything wrong with that per se because she also appears to be smart and witty. Ended up playing 3 games with her. She's a worthy adversary and a fun gamer.
And there's the added goal of not wanting to come off as creepy. It's not that I honestly have to try (to not be creepy, that is), but that I tend to see things from many perspectives. For example, I don't want to drive her from the boardgame meetup by an unwanted advance (i.e., if I did actually ask her out). That would just be wrong and could possibly end with some backlash for me (outside chance at best).
I know I'll probably see her again at these things. I managed to play it "cool" on Friday, so I'll likely just attempt the same in the future and not do anything. I rarely do anything. Probably just rely on luck and fortune to lead me wherever I'm going or not going.
Part of me wishes that this time, just this one time, I'd grow a pair and do what I should do. Too bad I really don't have a clue what this is or means. I don't. So I let the winds of fate buffet me around. Fate, she is a cruel mistress.
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