That first part (the genesis of the phrase) has been circling my brain for the past whenever. No idea why. I do like its rhyme though. And do pigs have wings? (Apparently, I misquoted it a bit.)
It's been a very busy week since that last post. The immediate next day I met someone in Second Life (SL). She said hi to me at a live music event and away we went! Within our first 1-1.5 hours of conversation, I told her I was a guy (my deep, dark SL secret), but she was cool and there it was. I've met up with her in SL almost every night since (not Friday when I was out of town) and, excepting a small bit last night (whoops!), it's going rather well (I think).
Needless to say, I am sufficiently freaked out by the whole thing. Seeing as my last date was over 2 years ago and my last relationship was over 6 years ago, and everything thus far with her has taken place in a virtual world (as it were), I do not think my attitude unfounded. Nonetheless, it's a good deal of fun and I'm enjoying the whole thing quite a bit. We've traded real life (RL) pics and tonight we will be Skype-ing for the first time. I don't own a webcam so that's not on the table (yet).
Also needless to say, I am fully aware that I gave her a key for discovering this blog. I know not whether or not she has availed herself of said key, but let us assume she has. (Hello!) Do not expect any grand revelations here, dear reader, though I shall wet your palate when possible. Mmmm... wet palates...
Knowing myself and my thoughts and attitudes towards the virtual landscape of SL, I often find it difficult to trust others there. Beyond the fiction with which you are presented, you can never be sure who lies on the other side. And so I approach much of the personal interactions there with trepidation and hesitancy.
She blew through that like a warm breeze. I'm not entirely sure how or why, but that Monday night I decided to be completely honest with her, a random stranger. I can't point to any particular precipitating element, but it seemed like the right thing for the time and, judging from the outcome thus far, I think it was. She, for her turn, has been honest in return. Refreshingly so, even. Given the nature of her and our interactions, that's about all I can hope for and ask right now.
I will observe that in this short span of one week, she's actually changed my interactions with said virtual world. Previously, my time there was rather solitary – shopping on my own, hesitating to IM what few friends I have, attending live music on my own. It's amazing how that can change in the blink of an eye. Also, through her I've become friends with friends of hers and my network has expanded almost overnight. It's not something I ever would have anticipated, nor is it something I require per se (clearly), but it is a pleasant byproduct of, well, her.
A lamentable side to this, as though one were requisite, is that she lives on the order of 10-15 hours away from me (to be sufficiently vague). I chalk that into the "not insurmountable" column, though it is there nonetheless. While I do not have literal columns of which so to speak, if they were present they would be full of much more pleasant--
Stupid flowery language. Sorry. To summarize the summary of the summary: She's great!
There are one or two things with her that I'm still wrapping my head around, but for now I'm letting it go. I don't think they have to be deal-breakers and, to me, this is so fresh that I would like to see what further develops before I overanalyze everything to death. I'm a little anxious to meet her, particularly given our virtual interactions thus far, but tonight's anticipated Skype session should be a good step in that direction.
And so faithful reader (you are faithful, right?), I have stumbled upon an adventure within an enigma! Or a mystery within a journey! Or maybe a puzzle in a quesadilla? It.. is something, to be sure, but what precisely remains to be seen. For all of us.
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
I'm not dead!
Well, at least no more than usual.
Hello, hello! It seems like forever (or almost a year) since I actually posted something. Since I don't have unrestricted internet access at work, I can't directly post from there. This means that anything I do write between 9am and 5pm has to be saved and posted at a later time... which hasn't happened. Yet. So, yes, I have a number of posts written up and saved. Perhaps someday I'll post some of them, probably backdating them to their date of writing or some such. *shrug* Details to be worked out when and if I get there.
The short version: I still live at home with my mom and the dog. I still work at the same law firm doing the same work. They haven't fired me yet and I haven't left. I'm still very much unsettled and discontent, though I have yet to do a damn thing about it. Not dating. Not really doing much of anything other than passing the time.
Back in June I quit WoW. Again. Stopped cold turkey amidst some small upheaval in my raiding guild. Four others were leaving as their military service began soon - I piggybacked and took the opportunity to book it. Haven't looked back.
Played a few games afterwards: Dragon Age: Origins, Minecraft, Rift. Gave all those up when I got back into Second Life. I've been back in SL since July 1st and, for the most part, I'm enjoying it. It's changed a lot since my last sojourn 4-5 years ago. In particular, I'm digging the live music scene and the burlesque. I tend to spend most/much of my time at home in SL doing whatever. A good number of the posts I've written up in the past 11 weeks are about SL and/or my goings on therein.
I'm not quite sure where to go from here. Honestly, this post is the product of two desires: (1) to do something on a Sunday night; and (2) to get something up here. Part of me wants to let it devolve (further) into some small diatribe on my discontent or my loathing of Sundays (seriously) or some other equally hope-laden topic (e.g., why I'm not in SL right now), but that's not good enough for an "I'm alive" post.
Well, in a couple weeks I'll be at New York Comic Con. I'm looking forward to it. Last year I came away with a ton of books and art. I'm not looking for graphic novels so much this time, but I'm definitely going to keep my eyes peeled for art.
I've been reading up a storm since March. Oh yeah, my grandfather passed away then. He was 92. Not wholly unexpected, but.. not fun. I took a week off of work to be there with my family. So now it's just my grandmother. When I came back, I stopped going to lunch with my coworker friend (well, he stopped eating lunch at work) so I started reading instead. Since then, I've read something like 16-20 books. I'm enjoying it a lot. I look forward to the break. I love reading and it's nice being able to dedicate a chunk every day for relaxing with it.
About 4-6 weeks ago, I picked up a nook so I could stop buying paperbacks. I like it. Works well and is exactly what I want. No frills, nothing except a book reader.
I've been listening to music like a fiend - mostly symphonic metal still. It's a small obsession.
Back on August 5th, I wrote up my first burlesque work for SL - a 6-scene story. Since then I've written up a number of further burlesque acts (all single-scene, more conventional-ish). I'm not performing in SL yet, but I want to. Probably something I'll get into.. eventually.
I think that's enough for now. Nothing else comes to mind this instant and this is probably as good a summary as any. Thanks & Cheers!
Hello, hello! It seems like forever (or almost a year) since I actually posted something. Since I don't have unrestricted internet access at work, I can't directly post from there. This means that anything I do write between 9am and 5pm has to be saved and posted at a later time... which hasn't happened. Yet. So, yes, I have a number of posts written up and saved. Perhaps someday I'll post some of them, probably backdating them to their date of writing or some such. *shrug* Details to be worked out when and if I get there.
The short version: I still live at home with my mom and the dog. I still work at the same law firm doing the same work. They haven't fired me yet and I haven't left. I'm still very much unsettled and discontent, though I have yet to do a damn thing about it. Not dating. Not really doing much of anything other than passing the time.
Back in June I quit WoW. Again. Stopped cold turkey amidst some small upheaval in my raiding guild. Four others were leaving as their military service began soon - I piggybacked and took the opportunity to book it. Haven't looked back.
Played a few games afterwards: Dragon Age: Origins, Minecraft, Rift. Gave all those up when I got back into Second Life. I've been back in SL since July 1st and, for the most part, I'm enjoying it. It's changed a lot since my last sojourn 4-5 years ago. In particular, I'm digging the live music scene and the burlesque. I tend to spend most/much of my time at home in SL doing whatever. A good number of the posts I've written up in the past 11 weeks are about SL and/or my goings on therein.
I'm not quite sure where to go from here. Honestly, this post is the product of two desires: (1) to do something on a Sunday night; and (2) to get something up here. Part of me wants to let it devolve (further) into some small diatribe on my discontent or my loathing of Sundays (seriously) or some other equally hope-laden topic (e.g., why I'm not in SL right now), but that's not good enough for an "I'm alive" post.
Well, in a couple weeks I'll be at New York Comic Con. I'm looking forward to it. Last year I came away with a ton of books and art. I'm not looking for graphic novels so much this time, but I'm definitely going to keep my eyes peeled for art.
I've been reading up a storm since March. Oh yeah, my grandfather passed away then. He was 92. Not wholly unexpected, but.. not fun. I took a week off of work to be there with my family. So now it's just my grandmother. When I came back, I stopped going to lunch with my coworker friend (well, he stopped eating lunch at work) so I started reading instead. Since then, I've read something like 16-20 books. I'm enjoying it a lot. I look forward to the break. I love reading and it's nice being able to dedicate a chunk every day for relaxing with it.
About 4-6 weeks ago, I picked up a nook so I could stop buying paperbacks. I like it. Works well and is exactly what I want. No frills, nothing except a book reader.
I've been listening to music like a fiend - mostly symphonic metal still. It's a small obsession.
Back on August 5th, I wrote up my first burlesque work for SL - a 6-scene story. Since then I've written up a number of further burlesque acts (all single-scene, more conventional-ish). I'm not performing in SL yet, but I want to. Probably something I'll get into.. eventually.
I think that's enough for now. Nothing else comes to mind this instant and this is probably as good a summary as any. Thanks & Cheers!
Saturday, October 09, 2010
NY Comic Con
A friend and I hit up the con yesterday (taking the day off work) and today. We split up seeing as his interests lie primarily in the panels and mine in the purchasing. I had an absolute blast though my legs and feet are aching. I spent 6 hours on Friday walking the floor, seeing what there was to see & buying various things.
Here are a few things of note. I signed up for the Avatar VIP Package which net me a sweet Freakangels bag, 5 Freakangels prints & a dozen graphic novels (only 2 repeats). The bag is awesome. I made a hefty purchase from the illustrious Mr. Ben Templesmith. He's an odd sort, and I see his career growing every year, though he's been unassuming and down to earth the two times I've seen him. He seemed honestly surprised by my purchase, double checking that I heard him correctly when he said the comic books were $5 each. An awesome fellow. I bought some prints from Chrissie Zullo, including this sweet Star Wars one with all these mini shots of characters.
I attended a few panels today: one for The Thing; one on the women of Battlestar Galactica and one on Vertigo's upcoming lineup. All enjoyable. The BSG panel was awesome. You get a real feel that these are excellent actors who are dedicated to their craft. Plus they're amusing. The Vertigo one was nice, and I'm glad I caught it because their floor presence was nonexistent. The one for The Thing I sat in on in order to have a seat for the BSG panel, but it was cool. I guess I really have to see the John Carpenter movie.
All in all, a great time. Lots of fun and lots of booty, primarily in the form of graphic novels. (Basically I don't have to buy any more to read for at least the next few months... unless they're part of any series that I'm following, of course.) Met up with my friend & his wife for dinner on Friday night. Saw Stan Lee in passing. Amazing outfits that people wore. Saw Scott Kurtz, Brad Guigar & a host of other artists and writers. Good stuff. I'll definitely be back there next year.
Here are a few things of note. I signed up for the Avatar VIP Package which net me a sweet Freakangels bag, 5 Freakangels prints & a dozen graphic novels (only 2 repeats). The bag is awesome. I made a hefty purchase from the illustrious Mr. Ben Templesmith. He's an odd sort, and I see his career growing every year, though he's been unassuming and down to earth the two times I've seen him. He seemed honestly surprised by my purchase, double checking that I heard him correctly when he said the comic books were $5 each. An awesome fellow. I bought some prints from Chrissie Zullo, including this sweet Star Wars one with all these mini shots of characters.
I attended a few panels today: one for The Thing; one on the women of Battlestar Galactica and one on Vertigo's upcoming lineup. All enjoyable. The BSG panel was awesome. You get a real feel that these are excellent actors who are dedicated to their craft. Plus they're amusing. The Vertigo one was nice, and I'm glad I caught it because their floor presence was nonexistent. The one for The Thing I sat in on in order to have a seat for the BSG panel, but it was cool. I guess I really have to see the John Carpenter movie.
All in all, a great time. Lots of fun and lots of booty, primarily in the form of graphic novels. (Basically I don't have to buy any more to read for at least the next few months... unless they're part of any series that I'm following, of course.) Met up with my friend & his wife for dinner on Friday night. Saw Stan Lee in passing. Amazing outfits that people wore. Saw Scott Kurtz, Brad Guigar & a host of other artists and writers. Good stuff. I'll definitely be back there next year.
Monday, October 04, 2010
Embrace Honesty
I don't think the title has much to do with the content of this post, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
(1) Certain songs are associated with certain memories for me. I had my first kiss while "Today" by The Smashing Pumpkins was playing. For some reason, I had "Mysterious Ways" by U2 in my head while skiing once and forever after it has become associated with skiing for me. I remember when "Under the Bridge" played during the '92 NOAC in Tennessee and thousands of us sung along. I remember learning of Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty and Queen while serving as a lifeguard at a BSA summer camp in Cape Cod.
I suspect I've written on that before, but too bad. It was in my head and it bears repeating.
(2) When do you update your profile for online dating sites? I completely forget to do so when I'm not using them, and then when I am using them to communicate with someone I refuse to update my profile. I know I'd be a little suspicious if the person with whom I were communicating changed their profile mid-conversation.
(3) I am registered on a few online dating sites. These are holdovers and remnants from my past efforts. Occasionally someone will try to contact me on one of these sites. I'm of two minds when this happens. First, assuming I am interested in them, I am a little excited and intrigued. Second, I am hesitant. I still live at home with my mom. I'm still (sort of) trying to figure things out. I don't think I'm ready to meet someone and settle down. And even if I did meet someone cool, she'd have to be pretty understanding and patient. But I'm also not about to let something get past me, so, assuming I am interested, I do respond, which engenders the above-noted dichotomy.
(4) I want to get a tattoo. For a long time, I've wanted one. However, there are two obstacles. First, I'm not sure what it will be. Second, I'm not sure where it will go. As to the first, it would have to be something purposeful, something meaningful (to me), something I want on me. As to the second, I would not want it too visible and my skin isn't the best.
(5) I'm tired. Yes, I don't go to bed early enough during the week. Yes, I stay up too late playing computer games. No, I don't sleep in on the weekends as much as I used to. In any case, I'm tired. I feel it, it slows me down, it affects my work and my attitude.
(1) Certain songs are associated with certain memories for me. I had my first kiss while "Today" by The Smashing Pumpkins was playing. For some reason, I had "Mysterious Ways" by U2 in my head while skiing once and forever after it has become associated with skiing for me. I remember when "Under the Bridge" played during the '92 NOAC in Tennessee and thousands of us sung along. I remember learning of Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty and Queen while serving as a lifeguard at a BSA summer camp in Cape Cod.
I suspect I've written on that before, but too bad. It was in my head and it bears repeating.
(2) When do you update your profile for online dating sites? I completely forget to do so when I'm not using them, and then when I am using them to communicate with someone I refuse to update my profile. I know I'd be a little suspicious if the person with whom I were communicating changed their profile mid-conversation.
(3) I am registered on a few online dating sites. These are holdovers and remnants from my past efforts. Occasionally someone will try to contact me on one of these sites. I'm of two minds when this happens. First, assuming I am interested in them, I am a little excited and intrigued. Second, I am hesitant. I still live at home with my mom. I'm still (sort of) trying to figure things out. I don't think I'm ready to meet someone and settle down. And even if I did meet someone cool, she'd have to be pretty understanding and patient. But I'm also not about to let something get past me, so, assuming I am interested, I do respond, which engenders the above-noted dichotomy.
(4) I want to get a tattoo. For a long time, I've wanted one. However, there are two obstacles. First, I'm not sure what it will be. Second, I'm not sure where it will go. As to the first, it would have to be something purposeful, something meaningful (to me), something I want on me. As to the second, I would not want it too visible and my skin isn't the best.
(5) I'm tired. Yes, I don't go to bed early enough during the week. Yes, I stay up too late playing computer games. No, I don't sleep in on the weekends as much as I used to. In any case, I'm tired. I feel it, it slows me down, it affects my work and my attitude.
Easy A is Easily Excellent
"Easy A" stars Emma Stone as a would-be harlot that dons a scarlet A after faking her way into high school notoriety. Oh sure, the initial accusation stems from an enemy overhearing a small lie, but she then encourages the rumors and plays to them.
There are two things that stand out – the writing and Ms. Stone.
(a) The writing is absolutely delightful through and through. The verbal repartee is well done and well delivered. There are plenty of witty one-liners and comebacks, quotable to no end. The writing is also self-aware and pays homage to some of the great romcoms, including Say Anything, The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles, to name a few. One of the nice things is that while the heroine delivers many of these verbal barbs, plenty of the other characters chime in. It's refreshing.
(b) Ms. Stone. Oh my, Ms. Stone. An excellent job acting. She owns the role as it must be owned to successfully sell it. Plus, her outfits are eye-catchingly pleasing. (A hopefully-nice way of saying "o_O".) I've enjoyed her other movies, but it's nice to see her in a leading role and, more importantly, carrying the movie in a spectacular manner.
(c) The other characters deserve a nod, too. This is more in league with the writing, but there really isn't a weak character in the story. Sure, there are minor characters or underdeveloped characters or unexplored ones, but the actors and actresses are great and they all should be background noise around Ms. Stone, which they are. I liked the little touches of characterization that pervade the film, hints of underlying traits and deeper backgrounds.
Notwithstanding the above, there are a few issues with the movie.
(i) The movie doesn't know what it's trying to say. If there had been some bigger message or direction, that would have been nice. In the end, the most you can pull from it is "my sex life is my business"? Or "beware the rumor mill"? Huh? The writer could have imbued the story with something more, but he didn't. And so it languishes, just a bit.
(ii) The lack of a message is further punctuated by the ties to The Scarlet Letter. While I can see the parallels and appreciate that some of the themes are similar, I'm still not sure how they truly mesh. Ostracized by the community, branded a harlot, wearing a scarlet A – fine. But this isn't colonial times and attitudes towards sex have changed since then. I'm not sure how relevant Hawthorne's work remains in view of modern attitudes. And if that is the case, that The Scarlet A is less relevant or at least its message is, then how does the movie develop any of that while retaining the broad ties to Hawthorne's novel? I don't know.
(iii) The ending, as well as other parts of the move, is too neat. There's a bow on the damned thing, and it didn't need one. The movie could have remained a great comedy and been slightly less happy-go-lucky. I have a sneaky suspicion that if the movie had turned slightly darker or been slightly more depressing or slightly less pretty, it could have become one of those amazing underground/cult movies. The potential was there, it just pushed it aside in favor of a mass market happy ending. This also ties in with the message criticism above.
All in all, I really enjoyed this one. I wouldn't say it's a "must see" for anyone and everyone, but it's a well done, well written comedy that keeps you interested. There aren't a ton of twists or surprises, but there's enough there to flush out the story. I would say that if you like romantic comedies or Ms. Stone, check this one out. Definitely worth watching, in the theater or at home.
There are two things that stand out – the writing and Ms. Stone.
(a) The writing is absolutely delightful through and through. The verbal repartee is well done and well delivered. There are plenty of witty one-liners and comebacks, quotable to no end. The writing is also self-aware and pays homage to some of the great romcoms, including Say Anything, The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles, to name a few. One of the nice things is that while the heroine delivers many of these verbal barbs, plenty of the other characters chime in. It's refreshing.
(b) Ms. Stone. Oh my, Ms. Stone. An excellent job acting. She owns the role as it must be owned to successfully sell it. Plus, her outfits are eye-catchingly pleasing. (A hopefully-nice way of saying "o_O".) I've enjoyed her other movies, but it's nice to see her in a leading role and, more importantly, carrying the movie in a spectacular manner.
(c) The other characters deserve a nod, too. This is more in league with the writing, but there really isn't a weak character in the story. Sure, there are minor characters or underdeveloped characters or unexplored ones, but the actors and actresses are great and they all should be background noise around Ms. Stone, which they are. I liked the little touches of characterization that pervade the film, hints of underlying traits and deeper backgrounds.
Notwithstanding the above, there are a few issues with the movie.
(i) The movie doesn't know what it's trying to say. If there had been some bigger message or direction, that would have been nice. In the end, the most you can pull from it is "my sex life is my business"? Or "beware the rumor mill"? Huh? The writer could have imbued the story with something more, but he didn't. And so it languishes, just a bit.
(ii) The lack of a message is further punctuated by the ties to The Scarlet Letter. While I can see the parallels and appreciate that some of the themes are similar, I'm still not sure how they truly mesh. Ostracized by the community, branded a harlot, wearing a scarlet A – fine. But this isn't colonial times and attitudes towards sex have changed since then. I'm not sure how relevant Hawthorne's work remains in view of modern attitudes. And if that is the case, that The Scarlet A is less relevant or at least its message is, then how does the movie develop any of that while retaining the broad ties to Hawthorne's novel? I don't know.
(iii) The ending, as well as other parts of the move, is too neat. There's a bow on the damned thing, and it didn't need one. The movie could have remained a great comedy and been slightly less happy-go-lucky. I have a sneaky suspicion that if the movie had turned slightly darker or been slightly more depressing or slightly less pretty, it could have become one of those amazing underground/cult movies. The potential was there, it just pushed it aside in favor of a mass market happy ending. This also ties in with the message criticism above.
All in all, I really enjoyed this one. I wouldn't say it's a "must see" for anyone and everyone, but it's a well done, well written comedy that keeps you interested. There aren't a ton of twists or surprises, but there's enough there to flush out the story. I would say that if you like romantic comedies or Ms. Stone, check this one out. Definitely worth watching, in the theater or at home.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Another Day
What do I write that I haven't written here before? I'm in a downward slump again. I felt it a week or two or three ago. I felt it a month or two ago. You can often tell them here by my absence. I know what to write when things are going well, when I'm on an upswing or riding the swell. When it's down, when the trough embraces me? I don't know.
I don't know why I am the way I am. I wish I did. I wish there was a reason, some rhyme or method to the madness. If there is any, it remains as elusive as ever and I am swallowed by my own fallibility.
I had a dream the other night. I dreamed of a having a girlfriend. I dreamed of finding a place for myself (metaphorically, not physically per se). A friend was there, though I don't recall anything more than his presence. I'm trying not to project onto the half-remembered wisp, but I do recall the impression I formed shortly after waking. I had dreamed of two things I want that I do not have now. And I take it to be my subconscious trying to break through, to show me.. maybe that there is a light somewhere.
So what do I do now? The same things I've been doing. Because I tell myself I must. And tomorrow is another day.
I don't know why I am the way I am. I wish I did. I wish there was a reason, some rhyme or method to the madness. If there is any, it remains as elusive as ever and I am swallowed by my own fallibility.
I had a dream the other night. I dreamed of a having a girlfriend. I dreamed of finding a place for myself (metaphorically, not physically per se). A friend was there, though I don't recall anything more than his presence. I'm trying not to project onto the half-remembered wisp, but I do recall the impression I formed shortly after waking. I had dreamed of two things I want that I do not have now. And I take it to be my subconscious trying to break through, to show me.. maybe that there is a light somewhere.
So what do I do now? The same things I've been doing. Because I tell myself I must. And tomorrow is another day.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Recent Times
I've been keeping moderately busy of late. Mid-July I went into The City to see an art exhibit (Lovecraft-inspired art) and catch a show (The Addams Family starring Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth). The week after I saw a local performance of Twelfth Night with some board gaming friends (Shakespeare in the park at the Beardsley Zoo). This past weekend was my younger cousin's wedding in upper-state New York (necessitating my absence from WBC).
The wedding was nice. It was good to see relatives I haven't seen in awhile. Big congrats to my cousin and his wife!
I've been playing WoW and Star Craft II of late. Passes the time and I find it enjoyable.
Yeah, so far this post feels flat even to me.
I'm of a few minds about the wedding:
(1) First and foremost, I am happy for my cousin and his wife. He is a genuinely nice guy and he found a kind, warm woman who clearly loves him. I have to expect that the two of them will be very happy together.
(2) There were two family members whose absence was felt – my dad and my grandmother's brother's wife, the former gone for 9 years and the latter gone for.. less than 1 year? It was probably more strongly felt since cousins of mine (her children) were at the wedding and talking about it, but felt nonetheless.
During the rehearsal dinner, the maid of honor (I believe it was her doing) presented a slideshow of photos of the bride and groom over the years. A couple of the photos of my cousin (2 or 3 of them) included my dad. I teared up a bit seeing them. Still gets me from time to time. And I still wonder how my life, how myself, would be different if he hadn't died.
(3) I was asked twice when my wedding would be – by my grandmother and by her brother. This wedding reinforced the ticking of the clock for me. It's not always at the forefront of my thoughts, and most days I just try to survive, but it's always there regardless.
I really need to focus on getting my life together: moving forward and advancing my plans, regardless of anything. I need to do something with my life and I need to get going now. I've been patiently waiting--well, no, I've been distracting myself as best I can, and that's not enough. I have "plans," hastily formed and moderately founded, but plans nonetheless. It's about time I started making good on them.
Because I have it in my head that I can't date until I move out of my mom's house. And I don't want to move out until I'm doing something other than what I'm currently doing. And I haven't honestly and sincerely worked on that, well, at all. So maybe it's time. Tick, tock, tick, tock.
It is time. Tick, tock, tick, tock.
The wedding was nice. It was good to see relatives I haven't seen in awhile. Big congrats to my cousin and his wife!
I've been playing WoW and Star Craft II of late. Passes the time and I find it enjoyable.
Yeah, so far this post feels flat even to me.
I'm of a few minds about the wedding:
(1) First and foremost, I am happy for my cousin and his wife. He is a genuinely nice guy and he found a kind, warm woman who clearly loves him. I have to expect that the two of them will be very happy together.
(2) There were two family members whose absence was felt – my dad and my grandmother's brother's wife, the former gone for 9 years and the latter gone for.. less than 1 year? It was probably more strongly felt since cousins of mine (her children) were at the wedding and talking about it, but felt nonetheless.
During the rehearsal dinner, the maid of honor (I believe it was her doing) presented a slideshow of photos of the bride and groom over the years. A couple of the photos of my cousin (2 or 3 of them) included my dad. I teared up a bit seeing them. Still gets me from time to time. And I still wonder how my life, how myself, would be different if he hadn't died.
(3) I was asked twice when my wedding would be – by my grandmother and by her brother. This wedding reinforced the ticking of the clock for me. It's not always at the forefront of my thoughts, and most days I just try to survive, but it's always there regardless.
I really need to focus on getting my life together: moving forward and advancing my plans, regardless of anything. I need to do something with my life and I need to get going now. I've been patiently waiting--well, no, I've been distracting myself as best I can, and that's not enough. I have "plans," hastily formed and moderately founded, but plans nonetheless. It's about time I started making good on them.
Because I have it in my head that I can't date until I move out of my mom's house. And I don't want to move out until I'm doing something other than what I'm currently doing. And I haven't honestly and sincerely worked on that, well, at all. So maybe it's time. Tick, tock, tick, tock.
It is time. Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Friday, July 02, 2010
Before, During & After
BEFORE: On Thursday, I was relatively insane. Entirely on edge in anticipation of the coffee date. I got very little done at work and I was very distracted. In fact, I have a lengthy post written yesterday as a monument to my lunacy. Out of deference to whatever shred of public image I maintain here, I will not be posting that.
DURING: So, the coffee date. We had a drink and talked from 5:15 to 7:30. Then we went to a nearby restaurant for sushi (her preference). After the meal, around 9:30 she commented that I looked tired. At that time, I realized that I was tired and that I was pretty bored. So things ended right after that, me driving us back to her car to drop her off, a "nice to meet you" and we were done (once I remembered where she'd moved her car to – I blame tiredness and idiocy).
AFTER: While the date went okay, there won't be a second date and I made up my mind on that sometime during dinner. I don't want to go into too much detail. Let's just say that it wasn't any one thing but rather an accumulation of many mild-to-medium things and hints. She made a few medium strength mis-steps, and while these weren't fatal individually or in and of themselves, combined with other, smaller points the sum total was just not good.
The "tired" comment was a small trigger for me. Not for her perception or anything, but rather the fact that I was tired and bored at 9:30 when normally I'm wide awake and rarin' to go. If I were at board games, I wouldn't know 9:30 had passed until it was 10:30 or 11:00. The single thought: "Wow. I really am tired." woke me to the fact that I wasn't finding our date to be very interesting or engaging.
I know I made some mistakes, and at points I wasn't as responsive or alive as I could have been, but I don't think I made any major errors. If I had asked for a second date, I'm pretty sure she would have said yes. I just didn't want one.
I give myself a small kudos for recognizing that it wasn't going to work. I feel like a few years ago I would have been willing to overlook all the signs and just run with it because I could, see where it goes. But now, last night, I was cognizant enough to recognize that something wasn't right. It was more intuition than anything, at least during the date. If you asked me point blank at 9:25 how I felt, I would have said something wasn't right but it would have taken me 5-10 min. to really pin it down (which I did after the date).
Part of me is sad that things turned out the way they did. I had high hopes for this one. (Which should serve as a reminder to me not to get my hopes up, but I will – every time.) She seemed like a nice person from our communication. She is a nice person. (Beats one of my two "exes" right there.) Just not nice enough, perhaps? (Which is a horrible thought since she was very nice.)
All-in-all I'm glad this happened. The date was not a train wreck and I got to brush up on my dating skills. The conversation was okay and I don't think I made any big blunders, just smaller ones from which I can try and learn. I feel a little silly that I was as stressed as I was this week. Turns out I needn't have worried quite so much. But then if I didn't worry like that I wouldn't be me, would I?
DURING: So, the coffee date. We had a drink and talked from 5:15 to 7:30. Then we went to a nearby restaurant for sushi (her preference). After the meal, around 9:30 she commented that I looked tired. At that time, I realized that I was tired and that I was pretty bored. So things ended right after that, me driving us back to her car to drop her off, a "nice to meet you" and we were done (once I remembered where she'd moved her car to – I blame tiredness and idiocy).
AFTER: While the date went okay, there won't be a second date and I made up my mind on that sometime during dinner. I don't want to go into too much detail. Let's just say that it wasn't any one thing but rather an accumulation of many mild-to-medium things and hints. She made a few medium strength mis-steps, and while these weren't fatal individually or in and of themselves, combined with other, smaller points the sum total was just not good.
The "tired" comment was a small trigger for me. Not for her perception or anything, but rather the fact that I was tired and bored at 9:30 when normally I'm wide awake and rarin' to go. If I were at board games, I wouldn't know 9:30 had passed until it was 10:30 or 11:00. The single thought: "Wow. I really am tired." woke me to the fact that I wasn't finding our date to be very interesting or engaging.
I know I made some mistakes, and at points I wasn't as responsive or alive as I could have been, but I don't think I made any major errors. If I had asked for a second date, I'm pretty sure she would have said yes. I just didn't want one.
I give myself a small kudos for recognizing that it wasn't going to work. I feel like a few years ago I would have been willing to overlook all the signs and just run with it because I could, see where it goes. But now, last night, I was cognizant enough to recognize that something wasn't right. It was more intuition than anything, at least during the date. If you asked me point blank at 9:25 how I felt, I would have said something wasn't right but it would have taken me 5-10 min. to really pin it down (which I did after the date).
Part of me is sad that things turned out the way they did. I had high hopes for this one. (Which should serve as a reminder to me not to get my hopes up, but I will – every time.) She seemed like a nice person from our communication. She is a nice person. (Beats one of my two "exes" right there.) Just not nice enough, perhaps? (Which is a horrible thought since she was very nice.)
All-in-all I'm glad this happened. The date was not a train wreck and I got to brush up on my dating skills. The conversation was okay and I don't think I made any big blunders, just smaller ones from which I can try and learn. I feel a little silly that I was as stressed as I was this week. Turns out I needn't have worried quite so much. But then if I didn't worry like that I wouldn't be me, would I?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Thoughts
Re blog discovery: It'll happen or it won't. I'm going to just keep on writing what I want. That's what I've always done here and what I've always sought to do here. Why change anything now? If she finds it, fine. If anyone finds it, fine. If I were unwilling to accept such risk, I would never have started this thing in the first place. Also, I'm kind of on a roll with posting and I don't want to interrupt that. I feel like posting more and I'm going to do so. In other words, bring it on, baby!
I was perusing old posts last night, ones from 2-2.5 years ago. It started when I saw something about boardgame.girl and I wanted to see what had happened with that. Rather, I know what happened (or, more accurately, didn't happen) and I know why, but I wanted to see what I was thinking at the time. It was an interesting read and I recall the thought processes very well. From this perspective (i.e., that of today), I'm glad it went down as it did. Turns out she's still around these days, still as flighty and unreliable as ever. I know I cannot handle that amount of capriciousness and it's a good thing that never went anywhere.
Then I was reading through posts after that, ones where I repeatedly despaired about blah blah blah, and I wondered why I was going out on a date on Thursday. Why am I so willing to do this now? What's changed? And I realized that I'm in a better place now. 1.5-2.5 years ago, it wasn't good. I wasn't very happy or positive (in almost any respect) and it felt like a downward spiral. These days, for some reason, I'm doing much better. I don't know if it's me accepting things or being less invested in the outcome or seeing more or discovering dreams or just having lived more, but I feel better. I'm generally happier and more pleasant. Sometimes I force myself to get out of the house and do things, but the disconsolate days are far fewer than they used to be.
That's a pretty cool realization to come to. I'm not in a different physical place nor have I significantly altered my patterns or actions, but I feel better, even on the bad days. I try to say "Today was a bad day, maybe tomorrow will be a good one. Ah well." Sometimes tomorrow is a good day, sometimes it's a bad day. But I can live with this. I think change is on the horizon. And that's okay.
So I almost feel like maybe I'm ready to try dating again. Almost. Maybe.
(Let's see how Thursday goes.)
I was perusing old posts last night, ones from 2-2.5 years ago. It started when I saw something about boardgame.girl and I wanted to see what had happened with that. Rather, I know what happened (or, more accurately, didn't happen) and I know why, but I wanted to see what I was thinking at the time. It was an interesting read and I recall the thought processes very well. From this perspective (i.e., that of today), I'm glad it went down as it did. Turns out she's still around these days, still as flighty and unreliable as ever. I know I cannot handle that amount of capriciousness and it's a good thing that never went anywhere.
Then I was reading through posts after that, ones where I repeatedly despaired about blah blah blah, and I wondered why I was going out on a date on Thursday. Why am I so willing to do this now? What's changed? And I realized that I'm in a better place now. 1.5-2.5 years ago, it wasn't good. I wasn't very happy or positive (in almost any respect) and it felt like a downward spiral. These days, for some reason, I'm doing much better. I don't know if it's me accepting things or being less invested in the outcome or seeing more or discovering dreams or just having lived more, but I feel better. I'm generally happier and more pleasant. Sometimes I force myself to get out of the house and do things, but the disconsolate days are far fewer than they used to be.
That's a pretty cool realization to come to. I'm not in a different physical place nor have I significantly altered my patterns or actions, but I feel better, even on the bad days. I try to say "Today was a bad day, maybe tomorrow will be a good one. Ah well." Sometimes tomorrow is a good day, sometimes it's a bad day. But I can live with this. I think change is on the horizon. And that's okay.
So I almost feel like maybe I'm ready to try dating again. Almost. Maybe.
(Let's see how Thursday goes.)
Monday, June 28, 2010
A Warm Day
A warm day is when the A/C at work is on the fritz and it's nice outside (like 90+ deg. F). At its worst, my office probably got up into the low 80's or so. Rather uncomfortable. It's no fun sitting at your desk trying to focus on boring patent work while sweaty and sleepy. Okay, it's not much more fun when it's cool and temperate, but at least you're not sweaty (though you may be sleepy).
To digress from the non-digression, I am reluctant to write much more in anticipation of Thursday (but why should I let that stop me). Oh I would like to, of that have no doubt, but I am semi-paralyzed by fear of blog discovery. I'm not looking to hide or cancel, if she finds the blog then so be it, but the knowledge of potential discovery I could readily do without. It would be mildly terrifying to sit down over coffee and hear "So, I discovered your blog..." It would be incredibly honest, but it would still be mildly terrifying. I've had it happen to me twice before - once from a random, fellow law student and once from a professor. I will always recall those moments in class. I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. It must have. *shiver* Pure, instantaneous terror.
Realistically, it'll probably happen again at some point. I expect it to, and part of me looks forward to that day to see what happens. However, part of me dreads the day with an uncertain fear. I would consider remedying the issue in this case, but it's a little too late. Certainly she would see if I fixed it now. Ah well, so it goes.
So yeah, Thursday. I bought a new pair of pants after work today. Why? Because I could use a new pair (well, a few new pairs) and I wanted to have one for Thursday. Who knows, maybe I'll need a few more if things go well. (As in wearing a new pair for each successive date, duh!)
I'm very curious to see how this plays out. I always am. I hope I've learned from my previous first dates, including the horrible blind date where I was an absolute git. In my floundering, I was less-than-kind when describing Bono and U2. In my defense, I was panicking because we had absolutely nothing in common. At all. Also in my defense, there is no defense. Boy what a train wreck. I was even misguided enough to think it wasn't so horrible. Afterwards, I thought it went okay-to-fine. In retrospect it's more of a *palmforeheadsmack* sort of thing.
Gah, I wish it were Thursday already!
(Bono rocks!)
To digress from the non-digression, I am reluctant to write much more in anticipation of Thursday (but why should I let that stop me). Oh I would like to, of that have no doubt, but I am semi-paralyzed by fear of blog discovery. I'm not looking to hide or cancel, if she finds the blog then so be it, but the knowledge of potential discovery I could readily do without. It would be mildly terrifying to sit down over coffee and hear "So, I discovered your blog..." It would be incredibly honest, but it would still be mildly terrifying. I've had it happen to me twice before - once from a random, fellow law student and once from a professor. I will always recall those moments in class. I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. It must have. *shiver* Pure, instantaneous terror.
Realistically, it'll probably happen again at some point. I expect it to, and part of me looks forward to that day to see what happens. However, part of me dreads the day with an uncertain fear. I would consider remedying the issue in this case, but it's a little too late. Certainly she would see if I fixed it now. Ah well, so it goes.
So yeah, Thursday. I bought a new pair of pants after work today. Why? Because I could use a new pair (well, a few new pairs) and I wanted to have one for Thursday. Who knows, maybe I'll need a few more if things go well. (As in wearing a new pair for each successive date, duh!)
I'm very curious to see how this plays out. I always am. I hope I've learned from my previous first dates, including the horrible blind date where I was an absolute git. In my floundering, I was less-than-kind when describing Bono and U2. In my defense, I was panicking because we had absolutely nothing in common. At all. Also in my defense, there is no defense. Boy what a train wreck. I was even misguided enough to think it wasn't so horrible. Afterwards, I thought it went okay-to-fine. In retrospect it's more of a *palmforeheadsmack* sort of thing.
Gah, I wish it were Thursday already!
(Bono rocks!)
Sunday, June 27, 2010
ZOMG
WAAAAAHHHHH. I've got a coffee-date on Thursday. WAAAAHHHHH. (In my head, I'm running in circles, mildly panicked. Every now and then I pause my running to lean on my knees and pant, catching my breath before I resume the circular progression.)
This is going to be interesting. We've traded 6-7 messages (each) and-- okay, yeah, I'm a little scared. That's like saying the Titanic was taking on a little water. *gulp* I haven't done this (a date) in a few years. And I have no idea what to say or do. Well, that's not entirely true at all, but it feels that way. Always does.
I have this sneaky suspicion that she's a lot like me in a few ways. From the messages thus far, --okay, crap. This place is locatable from how she found me. (If she notices the right words and does the right search, etc.) Crap, crap, crap. Ummm... This isn't me. I was never here. You didn't see me. Ummm... *waves hand in Jedi fashion* This isn't the website you're looking for.
I always forget how connected everything is. (And I didn't really hide myself very well when I joined that dating site. Whoops!) Errr... Let's hope she tells me if she finds this place. (Please?) Yeah, I've got nothing else.
P.S. Okay, yeah, now I'm scared.
This is going to be interesting. We've traded 6-7 messages (each) and-- okay, yeah, I'm a little scared. That's like saying the Titanic was taking on a little water. *gulp* I haven't done this (a date) in a few years. And I have no idea what to say or do. Well, that's not entirely true at all, but it feels that way. Always does.
I have this sneaky suspicion that she's a lot like me in a few ways. From the messages thus far, --okay, crap. This place is locatable from how she found me. (If she notices the right words and does the right search, etc.) Crap, crap, crap. Ummm... This isn't me. I was never here. You didn't see me. Ummm... *waves hand in Jedi fashion* This isn't the website you're looking for.
I always forget how connected everything is. (And I didn't really hide myself very well when I joined that dating site. Whoops!) Errr... Let's hope she tells me if she finds this place. (Please?) Yeah, I've got nothing else.
P.S. Okay, yeah, now I'm scared.
Friday, June 25, 2010
The Previous Four Posts
You may notice I just posted 4 not-quite-short posts in a relatively short timespan (i.e., minutes). I wrote these earlier this week and just now got around to posting them. You may also notice that the immediately preceding one refers to a girl with whom I am communicating. This is not the one I mentioned before. This is another girl who sent me a message out of the blue earlier this week. I am hopeful that if I suggest a meeting next week she might be amenable. We shall see, particularly as I have no idea how these things are supposed to go.
Anxious
Dating strikes me as a supremely unbalanced equation. On the one hand, I am incredibly ill at ease. Just completely awkward and unconfident. So uncertain of myself and my actions that I think them through, rethink them and give 'em one more pass for good measure. Probably a lack of dating experience coupled with me. On the other hand, while dating you are supposed to project confidence and strength. The occasional vulnerability is permitted, but nothing too serious or significant, at least in the beginning.
So as I type replies to this girl, and as she replies to me, I constantly reread what I write, dissect and edit it. I wonder if and when she'll reply. I wonder if she's wondering half of what I am. I can blink my eyes and picture 1000 different scenarios, 99.9% of which will not come to pass. Which one is this one?
What's mildly interesting in this case, and serves as the basis for this verbalizing, is that I get the nagging sense that she's mirroring some of this. Her replies are relatively quick and consistent. I sense a bit of mirroring from what I write, and I am trying to do the same back. She signs her messages with phrases like "Hope to hear from you soon" and "Hope you're having a nice Friday." An innocuous sentiment in its own right, but not a customary one from my (very limited) experience with online dating/communication.
Thus, the balance between insecurity and confidence is in mind. Not to mention I'm otherwise insecure about quite a few things, which obviously does not help at all. So I ponder and overthink and overanalyze and wonder (and wait).
So as I type replies to this girl, and as she replies to me, I constantly reread what I write, dissect and edit it. I wonder if and when she'll reply. I wonder if she's wondering half of what I am. I can blink my eyes and picture 1000 different scenarios, 99.9% of which will not come to pass. Which one is this one?
What's mildly interesting in this case, and serves as the basis for this verbalizing, is that I get the nagging sense that she's mirroring some of this. Her replies are relatively quick and consistent. I sense a bit of mirroring from what I write, and I am trying to do the same back. She signs her messages with phrases like "Hope to hear from you soon" and "Hope you're having a nice Friday." An innocuous sentiment in its own right, but not a customary one from my (very limited) experience with online dating/communication.
Thus, the balance between insecurity and confidence is in mind. Not to mention I'm otherwise insecure about quite a few things, which obviously does not help at all. So I ponder and overthink and overanalyze and wonder (and wait).
Music
I've got music on the brain. M.C. Chris concert in Boston earlier this year. Phish concert last weekend. I listen to music on my iPod almost every day – in the car, while working, while surfing the web on my computer. I love music.
My recent preferences, with recent being on the order of the past 2-4 years, are for symphonic metal and the like: Epica, Nightwish, Lacuna Coil, Stream of Passion, Within Temptation, Njord, Sirenia, Theatre of Tragedy, Delain, etc. This interest of mine stems from a random interest in Rammstein, stoked by a random purchase of a used copy of their album Sensucht due to having heard of the band and an interesting album cover (a man's face wrapped in barbed wire).
While most songs for these groups (e.g., all but Rammstein) are in English, unfortunately all of these groups are European and rarely make the trip over here. I passed up a chance to see Epica in NYC earlier this year, and I regret it a little bit. I feel like I am having a newfound interest in concerts only there is little chance of me seeing some of my favorite groups because they tend to tour in Europe.
Well, movie.girl is going to grad school in England starting this Fall and I am sorely tempted to visit her there. Part of me is wondering if I can use such a trip to see some of these groups. I always threatened to go to Europe to see Rammstein should they tour again, and I believe they are or will be touring there soon. It might be cool to go see some Scandinavian metal festival. I think I'd enjoy it. I have yet to look any further into this, but I would like to.
My recent preferences, with recent being on the order of the past 2-4 years, are for symphonic metal and the like: Epica, Nightwish, Lacuna Coil, Stream of Passion, Within Temptation, Njord, Sirenia, Theatre of Tragedy, Delain, etc. This interest of mine stems from a random interest in Rammstein, stoked by a random purchase of a used copy of their album Sensucht due to having heard of the band and an interesting album cover (a man's face wrapped in barbed wire).
While most songs for these groups (e.g., all but Rammstein) are in English, unfortunately all of these groups are European and rarely make the trip over here. I passed up a chance to see Epica in NYC earlier this year, and I regret it a little bit. I feel like I am having a newfound interest in concerts only there is little chance of me seeing some of my favorite groups because they tend to tour in Europe.
Well, movie.girl is going to grad school in England starting this Fall and I am sorely tempted to visit her there. Part of me is wondering if I can use such a trip to see some of these groups. I always threatened to go to Europe to see Rammstein should they tour again, and I believe they are or will be touring there soon. It might be cool to go see some Scandinavian metal festival. I think I'd enjoy it. I have yet to look any further into this, but I would like to.
At The RenFaire
There is one "incident" I wish to relate from the RenFaire, largely because I know it will silently fester in the back of my thoughts and spring to the forefront at odd times. At the faire, there were a number of vendors selling all manner of RenFaire-related items. Yes, that is self-referential. No, I don't care. Most of the items were of little-to-no interest to me. The swords were nice, and a little tempting, but practicality is a harsh mistress. As are the credit card companies, banks and my checkbook.
One item did catch my eye. It was a plastic statue thing featuring a scantily-clad, well-endowed, winged woman in front of (reclining on?) a comparatively large crucifix (stretching about the same height and width as the arms-stretched woman) located behind a casket. The lid of the casket was removable for holding some manner of small trinkets or jewelry. Other than the lid, the piece appeared to be solid, dark gray plastic and retailed for $30.
I do not believe I have spoke often of my artistic and aesthetic tastes, and I do have some concretely-defined ones of which I am very aware, but winged women and gothic imagery (e.g., graveyards, caskets, gravestones, visages of death, skeletal figures, etc.) are way up there for me. Long ago during my action figure-buying days, and I do not believe I have spoke at length on that hobby either, winged figures counted pretty high on my list. Well-endowed, scantily-clad females, too. And I'm not afraid to shell out some money for artistic items that appeal to me. I planned on purchasing this piece.
But I made a mistake. As I was walking with 3 friends to the next show we planned to see, we passed this stall and, not too long thereafter, I commented that there was something I wished to procure. These being curious friends and us not being in a rush, they sought further explanation. To wit, "What is it?" So I said something like "Oh fine" and led them over to the piece.
Whereupon one of my friends, a slightly-older woman, said something like "It's nice if you like p-rnography."
I immediately knew what I had to do and I did just that. I put the statue down, turned away, and walked with them to the next event. While I knew that I could still buy it, I also knew that if I did either I would have to confront that statement (i.e., define it as not p-rnography and argue the point) or I would have to own the statement (i.e., accept it as p-rnography and accept the characterization it entails). There's no middle ground there and, since these are people I see on an almost weekly basis, there's no chance of such a purchase going unremarked or unnoticed. I did not wish to confront the statement – there should be no need for me to convince someone else, someone who has no stake in the purchase whatsoever, that it is not p-rnography, that I considered it art. So I let it go.
Part of me is sore with this friend for forcing me to do what I did. Honestly, it was not p-rnographic. Perhaps not in the best of tastes, most likely not worth $30, but it was not "p-rnography." And whatever her personal views on such artistic styles, it was not her place to disparage my tastes.
Also long ago, I decided to own my artistic tastes and hobbies, no matter other people's view of them. E.g., action figures, comic books and graphic novels, art styles, movie watching, computer games, etc. It is something I still have to push at every now and then, to be who I am and like what I like with fewer reservations. This small incident hit that nerve, too. I did not want to assume the concomitant associations that would have been present if I had actually bought the statue.
Sometimes I act differently when I am with friends. I accept that people wear different masks at different times for different purposes and I am no different. But for the people I was with that day, I probably would have purchased the statue.
Also but for the people I was with that day, I probably would have spoken with the woman who ran the Cirque du Sewer event. I.e., the rat-lady. I thought she was kind of cute, and I appreciated her love for her rats. It would have been cool to see them up close, hold one if permitted, etc. I love animals and I readily appreciate other people who similarly do, whether the animals are dogs, cats, birds or rats. I thought about talking with her after the show, but I didn't feel like I could since I was there with some friends. I didn't want to accept or own up to it. I probably should have done it anyways, particularly since it's so rare that I ever contemplate such things. And it would have made for a good story. And it might have been fun and interesting. But I didn't.
I do not regret the things I've done but those I did not do.
(Paraphrased from Empire Records)
P.S. Best names evah for pet rats: Bubonic and Pandemic. (Though I also would have accepted Epidemic.)
One item did catch my eye. It was a plastic statue thing featuring a scantily-clad, well-endowed, winged woman in front of (reclining on?) a comparatively large crucifix (stretching about the same height and width as the arms-stretched woman) located behind a casket. The lid of the casket was removable for holding some manner of small trinkets or jewelry. Other than the lid, the piece appeared to be solid, dark gray plastic and retailed for $30.
I do not believe I have spoke often of my artistic and aesthetic tastes, and I do have some concretely-defined ones of which I am very aware, but winged women and gothic imagery (e.g., graveyards, caskets, gravestones, visages of death, skeletal figures, etc.) are way up there for me. Long ago during my action figure-buying days, and I do not believe I have spoke at length on that hobby either, winged figures counted pretty high on my list. Well-endowed, scantily-clad females, too. And I'm not afraid to shell out some money for artistic items that appeal to me. I planned on purchasing this piece.
But I made a mistake. As I was walking with 3 friends to the next show we planned to see, we passed this stall and, not too long thereafter, I commented that there was something I wished to procure. These being curious friends and us not being in a rush, they sought further explanation. To wit, "What is it?" So I said something like "Oh fine" and led them over to the piece.
Whereupon one of my friends, a slightly-older woman, said something like "It's nice if you like p-rnography."
I immediately knew what I had to do and I did just that. I put the statue down, turned away, and walked with them to the next event. While I knew that I could still buy it, I also knew that if I did either I would have to confront that statement (i.e., define it as not p-rnography and argue the point) or I would have to own the statement (i.e., accept it as p-rnography and accept the characterization it entails). There's no middle ground there and, since these are people I see on an almost weekly basis, there's no chance of such a purchase going unremarked or unnoticed. I did not wish to confront the statement – there should be no need for me to convince someone else, someone who has no stake in the purchase whatsoever, that it is not p-rnography, that I considered it art. So I let it go.
Part of me is sore with this friend for forcing me to do what I did. Honestly, it was not p-rnographic. Perhaps not in the best of tastes, most likely not worth $30, but it was not "p-rnography." And whatever her personal views on such artistic styles, it was not her place to disparage my tastes.
Also long ago, I decided to own my artistic tastes and hobbies, no matter other people's view of them. E.g., action figures, comic books and graphic novels, art styles, movie watching, computer games, etc. It is something I still have to push at every now and then, to be who I am and like what I like with fewer reservations. This small incident hit that nerve, too. I did not want to assume the concomitant associations that would have been present if I had actually bought the statue.
Sometimes I act differently when I am with friends. I accept that people wear different masks at different times for different purposes and I am no different. But for the people I was with that day, I probably would have purchased the statue.
Also but for the people I was with that day, I probably would have spoken with the woman who ran the Cirque du Sewer event. I.e., the rat-lady. I thought she was kind of cute, and I appreciated her love for her rats. It would have been cool to see them up close, hold one if permitted, etc. I love animals and I readily appreciate other people who similarly do, whether the animals are dogs, cats, birds or rats. I thought about talking with her after the show, but I didn't feel like I could since I was there with some friends. I didn't want to accept or own up to it. I probably should have done it anyways, particularly since it's so rare that I ever contemplate such things. And it would have made for a good story. And it might have been fun and interesting. But I didn't.
I do not regret the things I've done but those I did not do.
(Paraphrased from Empire Records)
P.S. Best names evah for pet rats: Bubonic and Pandemic. (Though I also would have accepted Epidemic.)
The Phish Concert
I previously remarked that the concert was amazing, but I'd like to briefly elaborate on my experience. "Experience" is the word of choice here. The event was about more than just the music for me. It was a rare opportunity to glimpse into an alternative way of life. I sincerely doubt that I would have attended a Phish concert but for movie.girl's invitation. Oh I've heard of the band before, but I had not yet been exposed to their music nor would I have anticipated so. Really, it's not my "scene."
So, the scene in question. We got there about 1:15 before kick-off and found ourselves in a long line of cars in search of parking. We ended up leaving the car at a Motel 8 about 0.5 mile (guesstimating) from the venue.. for $25. And that was the best/only nearby option at the time.
At least part of the reason for the jam was a Cirque du Soleil performance being held less than 1 mile from the concert venue. Wonderful planning that one. Parking that otherwise would have been free instead featured a large tent. And more cars.
After parking, tailgating. *Everyone* was tailgating. If you weren't tailgating, you weren't attending the concert. Once inside, I better understood at least part of the reason. Inside the gates, 2 beers and 1 water cost a total of $28. Very ugly.
Once we reached the official/real parking lot, the vendors began. Well, the majority of the vendors. There were some selling things like stickers, hats and glowsticks outside that area. The "real" vendors were selling all sorts of things, such as: food, beer, water, t-shirts, stickers, patches, buttons, posters, backpacks and assorted other paraphernalia. It was difficult to get to the venue, wading past the vendors with the crowd.
Inside, we eventually made our way to our seats. Good view, not too expensive. movie.girl made friends with the guy to her left, both being Phish-heads and having seen Phish at many other shows. Apparently, that is the thing to do – follow Phish around and go to many/all of their shows. Later on, the guy shared various beverages (tequila + Red Bull = not bad) and such with her and, by extension, me.
The people. Most of the people fell into the category of what I will term "modern day hippies." Prior to the concert, my mental image of hippies included tie-dye shirts, long hair, relaxed attitude, a penchant for herbal relaxants and a smidgen of left-ish politics. Lose the tie-dye, politics and hair requirements, add a penchant for body art (tattoos, piercings) and you have the modern day hippie. Relaxed, certainly, but many/most of them look not all that dissimilar to you or I (barring visible body art). Very interesting. I never appreciated that we as a society have a "class" of modern day hippies. Apparently they all go to Phish concerts. *shrug*
The overall attitude was extremely relaxed. Very little tension. Everyone was there as part of a group, i.e., with friends. While most/all had cell phones, relatively few were playing with them at any given time. For pictures, of course, but not a ton of generic texting, e-mailing, etc. Most people were there mentally, not just physically. Plus, everyone seemed pretty friendly with one another. United, to at least some degree, in Phish-head-dom. Or something.
The concert itself was awesome. Lots of solos, lots of improv. Overall, a relaxing, fun time. Almost everyone danced to the majority of the show, grooving out to the tunes. Occasionally a waft of smoke would pique my nose, cigarette or otherwise. Glowsticks and other phosphorescent objects were tossed about in gleeful joy. Cheering, singing along with the tunes, because almost everyone knew almost all of the songs, and generally having a good time.
I found it particularly interesting when the band would devolve into a formless, abstract stretch. Without a solid beat to latch onto, it was nigh impossible to dance to such parts, but they were very interesting. Almost nouveau or new age or I don't know what. As if each of the four were playing their own tune to their own beat, but it still meshed together to form something larger and more powerful. Very fascinating.
movie.girl informed me that all of their shows are available online for download (livephish.com I think it is). I will have to purchase a copy of that show. It was music in every sense of the word. And it was something I hadn't seen before. And that's pretty damn cool.
So, the scene in question. We got there about 1:15 before kick-off and found ourselves in a long line of cars in search of parking. We ended up leaving the car at a Motel 8 about 0.5 mile (guesstimating) from the venue.. for $25. And that was the best/only nearby option at the time.
At least part of the reason for the jam was a Cirque du Soleil performance being held less than 1 mile from the concert venue. Wonderful planning that one. Parking that otherwise would have been free instead featured a large tent. And more cars.
After parking, tailgating. *Everyone* was tailgating. If you weren't tailgating, you weren't attending the concert. Once inside, I better understood at least part of the reason. Inside the gates, 2 beers and 1 water cost a total of $28. Very ugly.
Once we reached the official/real parking lot, the vendors began. Well, the majority of the vendors. There were some selling things like stickers, hats and glowsticks outside that area. The "real" vendors were selling all sorts of things, such as: food, beer, water, t-shirts, stickers, patches, buttons, posters, backpacks and assorted other paraphernalia. It was difficult to get to the venue, wading past the vendors with the crowd.
Inside, we eventually made our way to our seats. Good view, not too expensive. movie.girl made friends with the guy to her left, both being Phish-heads and having seen Phish at many other shows. Apparently, that is the thing to do – follow Phish around and go to many/all of their shows. Later on, the guy shared various beverages (tequila + Red Bull = not bad) and such with her and, by extension, me.
The people. Most of the people fell into the category of what I will term "modern day hippies." Prior to the concert, my mental image of hippies included tie-dye shirts, long hair, relaxed attitude, a penchant for herbal relaxants and a smidgen of left-ish politics. Lose the tie-dye, politics and hair requirements, add a penchant for body art (tattoos, piercings) and you have the modern day hippie. Relaxed, certainly, but many/most of them look not all that dissimilar to you or I (barring visible body art). Very interesting. I never appreciated that we as a society have a "class" of modern day hippies. Apparently they all go to Phish concerts. *shrug*
The overall attitude was extremely relaxed. Very little tension. Everyone was there as part of a group, i.e., with friends. While most/all had cell phones, relatively few were playing with them at any given time. For pictures, of course, but not a ton of generic texting, e-mailing, etc. Most people were there mentally, not just physically. Plus, everyone seemed pretty friendly with one another. United, to at least some degree, in Phish-head-dom. Or something.
The concert itself was awesome. Lots of solos, lots of improv. Overall, a relaxing, fun time. Almost everyone danced to the majority of the show, grooving out to the tunes. Occasionally a waft of smoke would pique my nose, cigarette or otherwise. Glowsticks and other phosphorescent objects were tossed about in gleeful joy. Cheering, singing along with the tunes, because almost everyone knew almost all of the songs, and generally having a good time.
I found it particularly interesting when the band would devolve into a formless, abstract stretch. Without a solid beat to latch onto, it was nigh impossible to dance to such parts, but they were very interesting. Almost nouveau or new age or I don't know what. As if each of the four were playing their own tune to their own beat, but it still meshed together to form something larger and more powerful. Very fascinating.
movie.girl informed me that all of their shows are available online for download (livephish.com I think it is). I will have to purchase a copy of that show. It was music in every sense of the word. And it was something I hadn't seen before. And that's pretty damn cool.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Busy Weekends
Last Weekend: On Saturday I hit up a RenFaire in Danbury with some friends. I believe it was my first RenFaire. Not bad overall. I enjoyed it, certainly, though I was a little disappointed with the quality of swordplay and acting. You do not grasp a knife or sword by the blade, no matter how cool it looks. Just don't do it. Afterwards, we went to a Greek Festival in the same town for supper. Probably my first "real" Greek meal. Very good. On Sunday I met up with movie.girl for a double header of Get Him To The Greek followed by The A-Team.
This Weekend: On Friday night movie.girl and I went to a Phish concert in Hartford. I wasn't a big Phish head before, but they really are that good. It was an absolute blast. Really just an experience. Plus she got pretty tanked which is amusing all in itself. Saturday was recovery and Sunday (today) I'm meeting up with her again for Jonah Hex.
It's been pretty busy and it ain't over yet. Well, alright, it's probably going to cool off over the next few weekends, but in July I'm planning a trip into the city for art and a show (more on that another time) and then there's a local Shakespeare in the park thing. Pretty cool.
This Weekend: On Friday night movie.girl and I went to a Phish concert in Hartford. I wasn't a big Phish head before, but they really are that good. It was an absolute blast. Really just an experience. Plus she got pretty tanked which is amusing all in itself. Saturday was recovery and Sunday (today) I'm meeting up with her again for Jonah Hex.
It's been pretty busy and it ain't over yet. Well, alright, it's probably going to cool off over the next few weekends, but in July I'm planning a trip into the city for art and a show (more on that another time) and then there's a local Shakespeare in the park thing. Pretty cool.
Friday, June 11, 2010
An Interesting Day At Work
Around 10:30 AM or so, one of my coworkers, the new kid who was hired out of law school late last year, came into my office and said "I've been fired." Ten minutes later, after talking about it with another coworker I turn to the secretary outside his office whereupon she informs me that one of the secretaries has been laid off.
The office is always off on one of these kinds of days. I've been with my firm for 4.5 years now, and I've seen people come and go, attorneys and secretaries alike. I've seen one retire and two leave and plenty get fired. It's always difficult to concentrate on one of those Fridays. And it's always a Friday morning.
Too bad, this time. I thought the attorney was pretty good, plus he was a friend of ours. The secretary was a really nice, young guy who did his work well. It's sad to see them go.
The office is always off on one of these kinds of days. I've been with my firm for 4.5 years now, and I've seen people come and go, attorneys and secretaries alike. I've seen one retire and two leave and plenty get fired. It's always difficult to concentrate on one of those Fridays. And it's always a Friday morning.
Too bad, this time. I thought the attorney was pretty good, plus he was a friend of ours. The secretary was a really nice, young guy who did his work well. It's sad to see them go.
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